Re : Duality . . .

[Guest guest]

> >

> >

> > There is Consciousness . . .

> >

> > and, then, there is " 'self' consciousness " that gets born. . .

> >

> >

> > Birth of " 'self' consciousness " is the beginning of duality!

> >

>

> re:

> Birth of " 'self' consciousness " is the beginning of duality!

> >>>

> yes... and a deep point actually

> not something discussed much.

>

> if you have had a recent experience of self-consciousness

> disappearing, perhaps you could speak to how that came about.

>

>

> Bill

>

 

 

What " happened " was not something

new. I noticed that it happens

naturally. It happens pretty much

all the time and it happens on its

own. In my life, it had been

happening even before I had any

spiritual context to give it a

name. I guess that it happens in

similar ways in other lives too.

 

I noticed that 'awareness of 'self''

is not a constant phenomenon.* It is

just a " thought " that cycles like

any other thought. The trouble

of 'Split' occurs because we give

this thought special importance and

because we accept and believe it

on its face value**. The trouble

of 'inner fight' occurs because we

automatically assume this thought

to be " true " .

 

It is then that we think thoughts

like - oh, that happened to " me " ,

Oh, " I " did this. Where in reality,

there was no " me " , no " I " at the

time some action flowed through the

bodymind. " Me " thought came later -

sometimes in the middle of 'flow'

of action and sometimes after the

action was complete. It was just a

intermittent thought.

 

I noticed that what I had done

many times before was to assume

the thought of " me " to be " true " ,

" constant " and " steady " when in

reality, appeared and disappeared

all the time. I then tried to project

this " thought " of " me " that occurred

bow into the events that flowed in

past without this thought of " me " .

It was a false association and it

usually resulted in pain.***

 

It was like holding someone 'responsible'

for the events when the said entity

was not even 'birthed' at that time. This

" me " entity being just thought - it was

'birthed' later only after this thought

occurred.

 

In other case, it was like something

had happened to 'it' when in reality,

it was not even 'birthed' at that time.

In reality, nothing could ever happen

to 'it' because it was just a 'thought'

like any other thought. And, I noticed

that " thought " doesn't happen to " thought " .

 

Seeing this, I understood it just as

a " thought " that might still cycle like

any other though but, I no longer need

to believe it to be " true "

 

nor do I need to give it a significance

that I don't grant to other thoughts

nor do I need to 'assume' that this

" me " is responsible for what happened

before its [me's] thought or that

what 'happened', happened to this

" thought of me " that is occurring now.

 

 

---

 

* I noticed that through many acts

that took place throughout the day

- there was no " thought of me " . Through

any act that I truly enjoyed, was deeply

absorbed in or did with complete attention

and focus - there was no " thought of me " .

Even when I was not fully focused, this

thought was only intermittent and not

constant – as there is no 'constant' thought.

 

Many times, even though I was thinking,

dreaming, imagining many things - there

was no " thought of me " at that time. " Thought

of me " came later and I used automatically

give it 'ownership', 'responsibility'

or 'victim status' for everything that

happened in its 'absence' and I used

to " assume " that this is the way it is!

 

 

 

** In my experience, one reason we

stop questioning this " thought "

is because our social structure

constantly tries to 'enforce' it

in every possible ways. It gives

us constant and steady feedback as to 'who

it thinks I am' and as we grow

older we assume it to be " true "

and thus stop questioning it. Even

though, in our own experience, we

experience this awareness [of " me " ]

only as an intermittent thought.

 

 

 

*** I noticed that greater the emphasis

on the 'assumed' validity, 'steadiness'

and " truth " of this 'intermittent'

thought - heavier it felt. I noticed

that harder I tried to project this

thought that is occurred only now onto

the events in past or future - more painful

it got.