Re : Suffering . . .

[Guest guest]

[...]

 

 

> * I noticed that through many acts

> that took place throughout the day

> - there was no " thought of me " . Through

> any act that I truly enjoyed, was deeply

> absorbed in or did with complete attention

> and focus - there was no " thought of me " .

> Even when I was not fully focused, this

> thought was only intermittent and not

> constant – as there is no 'constant' thought.

 

 

I noticed that " suffering " too was a thought.

Suffering was a thought that required far more

leverage from 'self' than many other thoughts.

It occurred when an attempt was made to overlay

the 'self' [thought of " me " ] to the events

of past or future.

 

In the flow of action, there was no suffering.

Even when the 'intermittent' thought of " me "

occurred - there was no automatic suffering.

Suffering occurred soon after when this " thought

of me " was assumed to be true and steady

an attempt was made to 'understand' the events

of past or future by keeping this " thought of me "

as the fixed center.

 

I noticed that this 'process of suffering' happened

far more easily in the social context and close

relationships as our social counterparts provided

constant feedback to who they think 'I am' and what

they think 'I " should " do' and what 'I " should "

have done', 'what has happened to " me "

and what 'I failed to do' and what " I "

am to be blamed for, where " I " lack - or,

even how " great " they think " I " am.

 

 

 

I noticed that the society especially

in closed relationships provides a constant feedback

and reinforcement of this " thought of me " and I noticed

we often believe it without questioning especially if

the effort is 'persistent' which many times it is. I noticed

that many times, I too returned this favor quite easily

and told them who 'they were' and what ' " they " had done " .

 

I noticed that pretty much all social relationships

were based on the 'acceptance' of boundary and

the acceptance of 'boundary' was based on the

acceptance of 'self' as a separate, distinct,

steady entity. I noticed that through many social

interactions, we [unconsciously] worked to enforce

this 'separateness' [image of 'self'] in each

other.

 

I noticed that even after seeing the false and

temporary nature of this thought [of me] – it

was possible to mistake it again for a fixed, real

entity in social interactions due to constant feedback

that enforces this belief.

 

 

 

>

> Many times, even though I was thinking,

> dreaming, imagining many things - there

> was no " thought of me " at that time. " Thought

> of me " came later and I used automatically

> give it 'ownership', 'responsibility'

> or 'victim status' for everything that

> happened in its 'absence' and I used

> to " assume " that this is the way it is!

>

>

>

> ** In my experience, one reason we

> stop questioning this " thought "

> is because our social structure

> constantly tries to 'enforce' it

> in every possible ways. It gives

> us constant and steady feedback as to 'who

> it thinks I am' and as we grow

> older we assume it to be " true "

> and thus stop questioning it. Even

> though, in our own experience, we

> experience this awareness [of " me " ]

> only as an intermittent thought.

>

>

>

> *** I noticed that greater the emphasis

> on the 'assumed' validity, 'steadiness'

> and " truth " of this 'intermittent'

> thought - heavier it felt. I noticed

> that harder I tried to project this

> thought that is occurred only now onto

> the events in past or future - more painful

> it got.

>