Guest guest Posted August 31, 2006 Report Share Posted August 31, 2006 One day " I " woke up before " my " world did! I woke up without the clutter of thoughts. I woke up without the sense of identity. It was a state that felt immensely peaceful as well as frightening*. My body that previously felt heavy; now felt like 'non-existing'. But, pretty soon I noticed something else. When my wife shouted at me or accused me of something that I hadn't done - I felt intense body pain. I didn't understand it and it happened many times. Sometimes it lasted for hours and sometimes it lasted for days. It was an intense pain that would usually start in the back, in wrist or in shoulders and it would usually spread. It happened many times when my wife accused me of something that I hadn't done or stopped me from doing that which to me had felt as the " right " thing to do. Sometimes it even happened when I interacted with few people on the email list. As far as I remember, it never happened in office, with my personal friends or in any other situations. Yet, whenever it happened, it felt like a very intense pain and because I didn't know its cause or cure - it bothered me a lot. Then, this year I visited India and it never happened during my stay there though, I had a very intense fight there. I came back to USA about 3 months back and as far as I remember it has never happened again. Though, I have fought with Total Intensity few times (less than my *usual* fight frequency). And, I have noticed that each time during the fight as well as afterwards I experienced an unexpected and unanticipated release! I have experienced an unanticipated freedom in those fights! Now, based on this experience, my theory is that the intense pain that I had felt many times before was my unexpressed anger! This was energy (anger) build-up that hadn't completed its path was stuck somewhere in the body. And, it was this blocked energy (anger) that I had felt as pain! --- * We fear only what we haven't understood. ~Byron Katie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2006 Report Share Posted August 31, 2006 Nisargadatta , " adithya_comming " <adithya_comming wrote: > > One day " I " woke up before " my " world > did! I woke up without the clutter of > thoughts. I woke up without the sense > of identity. > > It was a state that felt immensely > peaceful as well as frightening*. > > My body that previously felt heavy; > now felt like 'non-existing'. > > But, pretty soon I noticed something > else. When my wife shouted at me or > accused me of something that I hadn't > done - I felt intense body pain. > > I didn't understand it and it happened > many times. Sometimes it lasted for > hours and sometimes it lasted for days. > It was an intense pain that would > usually start in the back, in wrist or in > shoulders and it would usually spread. > It happened many times when my wife > accused me of something that I hadn't > done or stopped me from doing that > which to me had felt as the " right " > thing to do. > > Sometimes it even happened when I > interacted with few people on the email > list. > > As far as I remember, it never > happened in office, with my personal > friends or in any other situations. > Yet, whenever it happened, it felt like > a very intense pain and because I > didn't know its cause or cure - it > bothered me a lot. > > Then, this year I visited India and it > never happened during my stay there > though, I had a very intense fight > there. I came back to USA about 3 > months back and as far as I remember it > has never happened again. > > Though, I have fought with Total > Intensity few times (less than my > *usual* fight frequency). And, I have > noticed that each time during the fight > as well as afterwards I experienced an > unexpected and unanticipated release! I > have experienced an unanticipated > freedom in those fights! > > Now, based on this experience, my > theory is that the intense pain that I > had felt many times before was my > unexpressed anger! This was energy > (anger) build-up that hadn't completed > its path was stuck somewhere in the > body. And, it was this blocked energy > (anger) that I had felt as pain! > > > > --- > * We fear only what we haven't understood. > > ~Byron Katie > My experience is that anger is every bit as complicated as any other emotion, including, say, artistic, religious or scientific inspiration. Not to mention sheer love and devotion. Yet many seem to feel that it is merely an energy that can be purged. Can we purge ourselves of devotion? Should we? Of course, we would like to purge ourselves of painful feelings. But is this the best course? Suppose we have an infection in our hand, should we just cut it off? Surely there are as many kinds of anger as there are kinds of love. How can there be but one approach to all of them? But, again, AC, you make a valuable contribution. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2006 Report Share Posted August 31, 2006 > > One day " I " woke up before " my " world > did! I woke up without the clutter of > thoughts. I woke up without the sense > of identity. > > It was a state that felt immensely > peaceful as well as frightening*. > > My body that previously felt heavy; > now felt like 'non-existing'. > > But, pretty soon I noticed something > else. When my wife shouted at me or > accused me of something that I hadn't > done - I felt intense body pain. > > I didn't understand it and it happened > many times. Sometimes it lasted for > hours and sometimes it lasted for days. > It was an intense pain that would > usually start in the back, in wrist or in > shoulders and it would usually spread. > It happened many times when my wife > accused me of something that I hadn't > done or stopped me from doing that > which to me had felt as the " right " > thing to do. > > Sometimes it even happened when I > interacted with few people on the email > list. > > As far as I remember, it never > happened in office, with my personal > friends or in any other situations. > Yet, whenever it happened, it felt like > a very intense pain and because I > didn't know its cause or cure - it > bothered me a lot. > > Then, this year I visited India and it > never happened during my stay there > though, I had a very intense fight > there. I came back to USA about 3 > months back and as far as I remember it > has never happened again. > > Though, I have fought with Total > Intensity few times (less than my > *usual* fight frequency). And, I have > noticed that each time during the fight > as well as afterwards I experienced an > unexpected and unanticipated release! I > have experienced an unanticipated > freedom in those fights! > > Now, based on this experience, my > theory is that the intense pain that I > had felt many times before was my > unexpressed anger! This was energy > (anger) build-up that hadn't completed > its path was stuck somewhere in the > body. And, it was this blocked energy > (anger) that I had felt as pain! Now whenever I felt there was a reason to fight - I fought and I fought with my full intensity. To large extent, I fought without being concerned about consequences. I fought being in total touch with my body, my emotions, my feelings. I expressed exactly what I felt without bothering whether whatever I expressed was total truth or not. I expressed what I really *felt " without bothering too much about what is that I *should* express! I didn't feel guilty because of being angry. I didn't feel guilty on expressing my anger in explicit, specific terms. I didn't feel guilt because of fighting. I didn't feel any need to plan to " not become angry again " . I didn't feel any need to " not fight again " . If I became angry - my response was to I fully express this anger with as much accuracy as possible. I was in touch with my feelings I expressed them as accurately as I could. And, I felt immense freedom in doing so. And, experiencing fights this way felt very liberating. Though, the intensity of my fights increased, to my surprise, frequency of them greatly decreased! It also freed me of *background* anger which meant that I became more fully available for love, peace and other emotions once the moments of anger had passed. Further, I understood that as I am fine with attacking and killing mosquitoes when they attack me or my son - I am also fine fighting with other humans when fighting seems like the right thing to do! I noticed that I had stated analyzing my emotions little less and had started focusing on exactly what I feel and exactly what I want to do little more! I had started being more *loyal* who I TRULY am at this time, what I really feel at this moment, what I really feel as the right thing to do at this moment and less at *what I " should " be*! I had become *ok* with fighting... In fact, I look forward to " fighting " ... Fighting too is part of the whole... Fighting too is the part of the game... ....it has always been in spite of thousand years of many teachings! Now, I was fine embracing that! I was no longer looking for an existence without fights. I was no longer looking for a world without fights. I was no longer looking for myself without fights. Fighting was good.... pretty much, as good as 'not fighting' was! Whatever was really *truly* for me in the moment was good and it brought me peace! Whatever wasn't really *true* for me but I did only because of thinking that this is what I *should* do - it brought me pain! I noticed that whenever I get in touch with *who I really am* and I place my *loyalty* to *who I am* - I experience peace! I noticed that whenever I try to escape *who I am* [in those moments] and try to be " loyal " to who I think I *should* be - I experience pain! > --- > * We fear only what we haven't understood. > > ~Byron Katie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2006 Report Share Posted August 31, 2006 Nisargadatta , " adithya_comming " <adithya_comming wrote: > > One day " I " woke up before " my " world > did! I woke up without the clutter of > thoughts. I woke up without the sense > of identity. > > It was a state that felt immensely > peaceful as well as frightening*. > > My body that previously felt heavy; > now felt like 'non-existing'. > > But, pretty soon I noticed something > else. When my wife shouted at me or > accused me of something that I hadn't > done - I felt intense body pain. > > I didn't understand it and it happened > many times. Sometimes it lasted for > hours and sometimes it lasted for days. > It was an intense pain that would > usually start in the back, in wrist or in > shoulders and it would usually spread. > It happened many times when my wife > accused me of something that I hadn't > done or stopped me from doing that > which to me had felt as the " right " > thing to do. > > Sometimes it even happened when I > interacted with few people on the email > list. > > As far as I remember, it never > happened in office, with my personal > friends or in any other situations. > Yet, whenever it happened, it felt like > a very intense pain and because I > didn't know its cause or cure - it > bothered me a lot. > > Then, this year I visited India and it > never happened during my stay there > though, I had a very intense fight > there. I came back to USA about 3 > months back and as far as I remember it > has never happened again. > > Though, I have fought with Total > Intensity few times (less than my > *usual* fight frequency). And, I have > noticed that each time during the fight > as well as afterwards I experienced an > unexpected and unanticipated release! I > have experienced an unanticipated > freedom in those fights! > > Now, based on this experience, my > theory is that the intense pain that I > had felt many times before was my > unexpressed anger! This was energy > (anger) build-up that hadn't completed > its path was stuck somewhere in the > body. And, it was this blocked energy > (anger) that I had felt as pain! > > > > --- > * We fear only what we haven't understood. > > ~Byron Katie >I hope this following piece of observations is not so uncalled for that it is unwelcome. If so, please ignore it. When I read this post, my first thought was, " sounds like a rageaholic. " Then, as I let it seep in that you found peace and authenticity in fighting, I had to question my assumption. Now, after deliberation, I'm concluding that, as I wrote in an earlier post under the same subject heading, anger is indeed, every bit as complex as any other emotion. It needs to be unraveled to be understood. I'm sure you do feel that in fighting there's a tremendous release, as compared to the pain of holding back. But the essence of my suggestion is what I consider the essence on " nonduality, " and that's openness beyond that either/or. Beyond that either you fight and let it all hang out, or you hold it in and get bent out. I'd offer just two observations. If you feel guilty about fighting, as I'm sure you must, rationalizing that it's actually good, may in itself offer a false sense of well being. And I would definitely examine the feelings of persecution that lead you to want to fight in the first place. It sounds like you feel unjustly harassed by your wife. So, in fighting, all you're doing is retaliating. This is not getting to the root, which is the need for an open and ongoing authenticity that prevents the need for an authentic release from inauthenticity. Sky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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