Guest guest Posted September 2, 2006 Report Share Posted September 2, 2006 I saw that many times my wife's behavior hurt me... because, I thought she could have behaved some other way! Because I I thought she had a real choice over how she behaved, thought and acted. I don't fell [emotionally] hurt when a mosquitoes bites me. I know, a mosquitoes can bite me... and, I am not expecting mosquitoes to change. I simply make arrangement for my protection and without needing mosquito to 'change' its behavior. But, when dealing with humans, I assumed that I had real conscious choice and a real awareness of what they were doing. After some observation, I found that it was not really true. I watched myself. I watched my parents. I watched my friends. I watched my siblings. I watched my wife. Very few of them really changed and very few of them had a change that was stable. Most of them just went back to their old self... pretty quickly after some temporary change. I myself didn't change that much in spite of trying few times! I saw that emotional pain would naturally become quite less if I stopped assuming too much conscious choice and 'power to change' on the part of humans. Mosquitoes bite... Flies fly... Butterflies fly... Roses smell... Some people are quarrelsome some are quiet Some are dominating, controlling some are easy-going Some are honest and ruthful Some are liars, cheats and deceitful Some are reliable friends Some are expert cheats Some are ruthless, cruel killers Some are compassionate, kind healers... I may not be able to change mosquitoes. I may not be able to change roses. I may not be able to change myself. I may not be able to change weather. I may not be able to change anybody else. But, I stopped expecting them to change, wanting them to change then, it can stop [emotionally] hurting too! Liars lie... Cheaters cheat... When I know about them, I can take my precautions as I do when I know about mosquitoes. Sometimes I might get bitten, as I get bitten by mosquitoes too. Yet, they are just doing what they are. For mosquitoes, sucking my blood is their food. But, how good it is to blame the mosquito for doing so? Do they have a real choice over 'who they are' and 'how they behave'? Do they really got to chose 'who they are', and 'what they do'? If I had to blame who other than " nature " I can blame? And, how can I blame nature? Am, I out of the nature...? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 2, 2006 Report Share Posted September 2, 2006 Nisargadatta , " adithya_comming " <adithya_comming wrote: > > I saw that many times my wife's behavior > hurt me... because, I thought she could > have behaved some other way! Because I > I thought she had a real choice over how > she behaved, thought and acted. > > I don't fell [emotionally] hurt when a > mosquitoes bites me. I know, a mosquitoes > can bite me... and, I am not expecting > mosquitoes to change. I simply make > arrangement for my protection and without > needing mosquito to 'change' its behavior. > > But, when dealing with humans, I assumed > that I had real conscious choice and a real > awareness of what they were doing. After > some observation, I found that it was not > really true. > > I watched myself. > I watched my parents. > I watched my friends. > I watched my siblings. > I watched my wife. > > Very few of them really changed and very > few of them had a change that was stable. > Most of them just went back to their old > self... pretty quickly after some temporary > change. > > I myself didn't change that much in spite of > trying few times! > > I saw that emotional pain would naturally > become quite less if I stopped assuming too > much conscious choice and 'power to change' > on the part of humans. > > Mosquitoes bite... > Flies fly... > Butterflies fly... > Roses smell... > > Some people are quarrelsome > some are quiet > Some are dominating, controlling > some are easy-going > Some are honest and ruthful > Some are liars, cheats and deceitful > > Some are reliable friends > Some are expert cheats > > > Some are ruthless, cruel killers > Some are compassionate, kind healers... > > > I may not be able to change mosquitoes. > I may not be able to change roses. > I may not be able to change myself. > I may not be able to change weather. > > I may not be able to change anybody else. > > But, I stopped expecting them to change, > wanting them to change then, it can > stop [emotionally] hurting too! > > Liars lie... > Cheaters cheat... > > When I know about them, I can take my precautions > as I do when I know about mosquitoes. > > Sometimes I might get bitten, > as I get bitten by mosquitoes too. > > Yet, they are just doing what they are. > For mosquitoes, sucking my blood is their food. > > But, how good it is to blame the mosquito for doing so? > > Do they have a real choice over 'who they are' > and 'how they behave'? > > Do they really got to chose 'who they are', > and 'what they do'? > > If I had to blame who other than " nature " I can blame? > > And, how can I blame nature? > > Am, I out of the nature...? > (whatever happens) ... nothing happens... nothing never change... the film on the screen appear to move and change...the wind... ....wherever the wind blows....nothing ever happens .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 2, 2006 Report Share Posted September 2, 2006 H I Arvind, I had a similar experience with my marriage 35 years ago. I feel for you and your children. Heading towards a nervous breakdown, I searched for answers everywhere. There were none....My Dr. suggested I read three books which I found helpful. 1. GAMES PEOPLE PLAY. 2. WHAT DO YOU SAY AFTER YOU SAY HELLO. by, Dr. Eric Berne. 3. I'M OK, YOU'RE OK.. By Thomas & Amy Harris. Games people play gave me a better understanding of our relationships with one another. I hope it may help you too.......GOOD LUCK ARVIND Bill W adithya_comming <adithya_comming wrote: I saw that many times my wife's behavior hurt me... because, I thought she could have behaved some other way! Because I I thought she had a real choice over how she behaved, thought and acted. I don't fell [emotionally] hurt when a mosquitoes bites me. I know, a mosquitoes can bite me... and, I am not expecting mosquitoes to change. I simply make arrangement for my protection and without needing mosquito to 'change' its behavior. But, when dealing with humans, I assumed that I had real conscious choice and a real awareness of what they were doing. After some observation, I found that it was not really true. I watched myself. I watched my parents. I watched my friends. I watched my siblings. I watched my wife. Very few of them really changed and very few of them had a change that was stable. Most of them just went back to their old self... pretty quickly after some temporary change. I myself didn't change that much in spite of trying few times! I saw that emotional pain would naturally become quite less if I stopped assuming too much conscious choice and 'power to change' on the part of humans. Mosquitoes bite... Flies fly... Butterflies fly... Roses smell... Some people are quarrelsome some are quiet Some are dominating, controlling some are easy-going Some are honest and ruthful Some are liars, cheats and deceitful Some are reliable friends Some are expert cheats Some are ruthless, cruel killers Some are compassionate, kind healers... I may not be able to change mosquitoes. I may not be able to change roses. I may not be able to change myself. I may not be able to change weather. I may not be able to change anybody else. But, I stopped expecting them to change, wanting them to change then, it can stop [emotionally] hurting too! Liars lie... Cheaters cheat... When I know about them, I can take my precautions as I do when I know about mosquitoes. Sometimes I might get bitten, as I get bitten by mosquitoes too. Yet, they are just doing what they are. For mosquitoes, sucking my blood is their food. But, how good it is to blame the mosquito for doing so? Do they have a real choice over 'who they are' and 'how they behave'? Do they really got to chose 'who they are', and 'what they do'? If I had to blame who other than " nature " I can blame? And, how can I blame nature? Am, I out of the nature...? Now you can scan emails quickly with a reading pane. Get the new Mail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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