ECKHART TOLLE on relationships .

[Guest guest]

ECKHART TOLLE: " Intimate relationships bring out the pain and

unhappiness that is already in you…you want to keep yourself intact,

and the pain has become an essential part of you…so you resist every

attempt you make to heal the pain " .

 

COMMENT: Here is the starting point of so many relationship

problems, where eventually the unconscious patterns and pain

manifest after being " triggered " by a partner. EFT is most useful

here as a containing and holding mechanism which has the power to

treat the held-feelings outside the influence of the mind. After

EFT, the mind " discovers " that the problem you had is not so

bothersome, and suddenly you can " let it go… " Strangely, the results

of persistent tapping on emotional trauma defuse the role of the

mind in re-creating the problem repeatedly. This provides a huge

benefit in the potential for conscious awareness in the present

moment.

 

ECKHART TOLLE: " If you resist or fight unconscious behaviour in

others, you become unconscious yourself. Resistance is the mind " .

 

COMMENT: If you use EFT to treat yourself for the hurts of conflict,

you are using a direct body-energy treatment which supplants

resistance in the mind, and does not necessarily increase it. Here

your mind is willing initially to acknowledge that using EFT is

better than doing something else that doesn't work (based on past

experience of repeated conflict), and so you find a way to bypass

the dysfunctional intentions of the past. EFT brings something life-

affirming to the equation of conflict.

 

ECKHART TOLLE: " Since resistance is inseparable from the mind,

relinquishment of resistance—surrender—is the end of the mind as

your master. Knowing that what is cannot be undone—because it

already is—you say yes to what is or accept what isn't " .

 

COMMENT: It goes without saying that effective use of EFT on a

personal block can lead to a state of acceptance. This manifests as

peace and harmony in relationship without denying innate

difficulties. You can say `yes " to the reality of life and

partnership even if the mind may not logically agree. There can be

peace first in relationship and problem-solving second. A partner or

family member or friend may never change but you still love them. I

simply don't know where this realization comes from in most

successful treatment results. Often I regard it as beyond the mind.

I do know that if such outcomes were purely the result of logic,

reason and intellect, then a lot more people would just think their

way to being happy, and not need help for hurt or suffering. We

cannot do this. We have our " rules " about life.

 

ECKHART TOLLE: " If you can never accept what is, by implication you

will not be able to accept anybody the way they are. Surrender is

inner acceptance of what is without any reservations… surrender does

not transform what is, at least not directly. It transforms you… "

 

COMMENT: When we persist in wanting our partner to change we must

face up to the truth that it is our personal inability to accept our

own reactions to what the partner does. I use EFT extensively on

these reactions, which are easy to find. In a subtle way there is a

movement towards acceptance of those reactions and of the partner's

behaviour as the emotional intensity reduces and the mind's habit of

judging is tempered. Personal change is the only thing we have as an

option—especially by using EFT—but we cannot dictate the outcome in

partnership. Very fortunately EFT provides positive energetic

results when grappling with the egoic mind. It is a great lever.

 

ECKHART TOLLE: " If you cannot accept …the external condition (what

is)…then accept what is inside…do not resist the pain…allow it to be

there…surrender to whatever form the suffering takes…witness it…

embrace it. Full attention is full acceptance " .

 

COMMENT: Applying EFT to whatever suffering your attention embraces

is a powerful healing.

 

ECKHART TOLLE: " Instead of mirroring to each other your pain and

your unconsciousness, instead of satisfying your mutual addictive

ego needs, you will reflect back to each other the love you feel

deep within " .

 

COMMENT: Couples already know how to do this, as it is how you

bonded when you first met! Only the conditional and judging mind is

scared by trivial habits and fears that stimulate memories of hurt.

 

ECKHART TOLLE: " Instead of reacting to delusion, you see the

delusion yet at the same time look through it. Being the knowing

creates a clear space of loving presence that allows all things and

all people to be as they are. No greater catalyst for transformation

exists " .

 

COMMENT: Being the knowing is " watching " the turbulence within (in

times of trouble) and letting it be. EFT is something that might

help calm this turbulence and foster this awareness.

 

ECKHART TOLLE: " It always looks as if people had a choice but that

is an illusion...as long as you are your mind, with its conditioned

patterns, what choice do you have? You are not even there…the moment

you realize this, there can be no more resentment…of someone's

illness…the only appropriate response is compassion " .

 

COMMENT: The one who truly loves you does not mean to hurt you.

 

In Conclusion

 

ECKHART TOLLE: " The past ceases to have any power when you surrender

to what is…presence is the key "

 

COMMENT: So often in relationship conflicts the mind is not your

friend, and has only the illusion of second-hand rules and

dysfunctional choice to offer. When the mind is bypassed by the

Energy technique itself, and you can practice inner awareness (one

kind of which practice forms much of the content of the " Power Of

Now " ), then your being-awareness—loving presence—reveals itself.

 

This may be the " intention " behind so many fine outcomes of Energy

Psychology. It may be a transmission of energy too, within effective

treatments.

 

I see some inspiring parallels between EFT and practical

spirituality. I find that EFT and all the Energy Psychologies have

the potential to bring an aspirant to a clear space of inner peace.

 

Dr David Lake

 

 

 

http://www.emofree.com/articles/RelationshipsEFTSpirituality.htm