[NonDualPhil] Reflective Inquiry

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On Oct 8, 2006, at 9:35 AM, Insight wrote:

 

> " Reflective Inquiry was another of the methods that Ajahn Chah

> would use in sustaining right view. It involves the deliberate

> use of verbal thought to investigate the teachings as well

> as particular attachments, fears and hopes, and especially

> the feeling of identification itself. He would talk about

> it almost in terms of having a dialogue with himself.

>

> Oftentimes thinking gets painted as the big villain in meditation

> circles: " Yeah, my mind...if only I could stop thinking, I'd

> be happy. " But actually, the thinking mind can be the most wonderful

> of helpers when used in the right way, particularily when

> investigating the feeling of selfhood. There's a missed opportunity

> when we overlook the use of conceptual thought in this way.

> When you are experiencing, seeing, or doing something,

> ask a question like: " What is it that's aware of this feeling? Who

> owns this moment? What is it that knows rigpa? "

>

> The deliberate use of reflective thought or inquiry can reveal

> a set of unconscious assumptions, habits, and compulsions

> that we have set in motion. This can be very helpful and

> yield great insight. We establish a steady, open mindfulness

> and then ask: " What is it that knows this? What is aware

> of this moment? Who is it that feels pain? Who is having this

> fantasy? Who is it that is wondering about supper? At that

> moment a gap opens up. Milarepa once said something

> along the lines of, " When the flow of discursive thinking

> is broken, the doorway to liberation opens. " In exactly the

> same way, when we pose that kind of question, it is like an awl

> being worked into a knotted tangle of indentification and loosening

> it's strands. It breaks the habit, the pattern of discursive

> thinking. When we ask " who " or " what " , for a moment the

> thinking mind trips over itself. It fumbles. In that space, before

> it can piece together an answer or an identity, there is

> timeless space and freedom. Through that peaceful space,

> the innate quality of mind, mind-essence, appears. It's

> only by frustrating our habitual judgments, the partial

> realities that he have unconsciously determined into existence,

> that we are forced to loosen out grip and to let go of

> our misguided way of thinking.

>

> The Buddha said that the letting go of the sense of " I "

> is the supreme happiness (UD.2.I and 4.I). But over

> the years we have become very fond of this character,

> haven't we. As Ajahn Chah once said: " It's like having a

> dear friend who you've known all your life. You've been

> inseparable. Then the Buddha comes along and says that

> you and your friend have to split up. It's heartbreaking.

> The ego is bereft. There is the feeling of diminution and loss.

> Then comes the sinking feeling of desparation.

>

> To the sense of self, being is always defined in

> terms of being some 'thing'. But the practice and teachings

> clearly emphasize undefined being, an awareness: edgeless,

> colorless, infinite, omnipresent - you name it. When being

> is undefined in this way, it seems like death to the ego.

> And death is the worse thing. The ego-based habits kick

> in with a vengeance and search for something to fill

> up the space. Anything will do: " Quick, give me a problem,

> a meditation practice. Or how about some kind of memory,

> a hope, a responsibility I haven't fulfilled, something to anguish

> over or to feel guilty about. ANYTHING! "

>

> I have experienced this many times. In that spaciousness,

> it is as if there's a hungry dog at the door deparately trying

> to get in: " C'mon, lemme in, lemme in, " The dog wants to

> know: " When is that guy going to pay attention to me! He's

> been sitting there for hours like some goddamn Buddha.

> Doesn't he know I'm hungry out here? Doesn't he know it's

> cold and wet? Doesn't he care about me? "

>

> " All sankharas are impermanent. All dharmas are such and

> empty. There is no other... " [makes forlorn hungry dog noises]

> These experiences have provided some of the most revealing

> moments in my own spiritual practice and exploration. They

> contain such a rabid hungering to BE. Anything will do,

> anything, in order to just be something: a failure, a success,

> a messiah, a blight upon the world, a mass murderer, " Just

> let me be something, please, God, Buddha, anybody. "

>

> To which the Buddha wisdom responds, " No. "

>

> It takes incredible internal resources and strength to be able to

> say 'no' in this way, The pathetic pleading of the ego becomes

> phenomenally intense, visceral. The body may shake and our

> legs start twitching to run. " Get me out of this place! " Perhaps

> our feet even begin moving to get to the door because that urge

> is so strong.

>

> At this point we are shining the light of wisdom right at the

> very root of separate existence. That root is a tough one.

> It takes a lot of work to get to that root and cut through it.

> So we should expect a great deal of friction and difficulty

> in engaging in this kind of work.

>

> Intense anxiety does arise. Don't be intimidated by it. Leave

> the urge alone. It's normal to experience grief and strong

> feelings of bereavement. There's a little being that just died there.

> The heart feels a wave of loss. Stay with that and let it pass

> through. The feeling that " something is going to be lost if

> I don't follow this urge " is the deceptive message of desire.

> Whether it's a subtle little flicker of restlessness or a grand

> declaration - " I'm going to die of heartbreak if I don't

> follow this! " - know them all as desire's deceptive failure.

>

> There is a wonderful line in a poem by Rumi where he says,

> " When were you ever made any the less by dying? " Let that

> surge of the ego be born, and let it die. Then lo and behold,

> not only is the heart not diminished, it is actually more radiant,

> vast and joyful than ever before. There's spaciousness, contentment,

> and an infinite ease that cannot be attained through grasping

> or indentifying with any attribute of life whatsoever.

>

> No matter how genuine the problems, the responsibilities,

> the passions, the experiences seem to be, we don't have to

> be that. There is no identity we have to be. Nothing whatsoever

> should be grasped at.

>

> -=- Small Boat, Great Mountain

> Theravadan Reflections on The Natural Great Perfection.

> Amaro Bhikkhu

> Free on line