Guest guest Posted November 13, 2006 Report Share Posted November 13, 2006 One of my dear friend was recently (about a month back) diagnsoed with stage 2-3 breas cancer. She is about 33 years of age and she has just had an adorable baby girl (her second child). Her breasts are removed and now, according to doctors she has to through chemotherapy (and possibly even worse) for about 2-4 years. She told me that she feels very depressed at times and is looking for a way out. She asked me for suggestions. She has no background in " work " , spirituality or psychology. She used to be very cheerful, lively, positive and fun-loving person and her husband is a great guy - very positive and full of energy, optimism and enthusiasm. What would be your advive? My advice to my friend would be simply to STOP " resisting " 'depression'! Allow 'depression' to completely and 'willingly' overtake you. Welcome it with open arms. Expereince it, see it, feel all of it, every bit of it. This is a wonderful opportunity! Whon knows, when again you will get 'depressed'! Who knows when again you will have opportunity to see 'depression' this closely, feel it this intricately! See it, see all its fibers, all its fabrics... Do it at least for half an hour. Do it without 'mentaly' 'commenting'. Just see how it looks without you trying to 'itrepret' it. Once you do that then please let me know... exactly what it is! There is absolutely no reason to 'resist' it! It is Absoultely Fine to be 'depressed'! And, it is absolutely fine to curse God... just do it Whole Heartedly, FULLY, Completely, All Out... and, then tell me how it feels... There is NO reason to try to 'escape' 'depression'... Allow yourself to be Depressed All Over... just do it 'willingly', stay fully 'conscious' while you do it... and, see where it takes you! You might be in for a Suprise! **** When there is No Way Out... Turn Within... [and, you might 'pass thru'!] **** Thru my severe 'no acceptance', I found my way to Acceptance! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2006 Report Share Posted November 14, 2006 Nisargadatta , " adithya_comming " <adithya_comming wrote: > > > One of my dear friend was recently (about a > month back) diagnsoed with stage 2-3 > breas cancer. She is about 33 years of age and > she has just had an adorable baby girl (her > second child). > > Her breasts are removed and now, according > to doctors she has to through chemotherapy > (and possibly even worse) for about 2-4 years. > > She told me that she feels very depressed > at times and is looking for a way out. She > asked me for suggestions. > > She has no background in " work " , spirituality > or psychology. > > She used to be very cheerful, lively, positive > and fun-loving person and her husband is a great > guy - very positive and full of energy, optimism > and enthusiasm. > > What would be your advive? Maybe it is best to simply accept someone who is in a depressive state and not to put too much energy into giving advices of any kind. The person might be closer to the truth than we think. The crux of the depressive state is that the normal vivid function of extrovert alertness has ceased. The patient seems to be closed into himself and unable to find a distant position towards the state he is in. Therefore he is unable to communicate his state and we can only guess what is going on in his mind. Maybe the depressed is very well and highly conscious, but unable to communicate. The advice that he should be more conscious of his state sounds ironic to him, because maybe he is extraordinarily conscious about the hopelessness of his situation. But when he tries to communicate this he usually finds lack of understanding because he is touching a strong taboo. The depressed simply knows: there is no hope. And he is unable to find a distant position inside his mind which allows him to act as if there was hope (as you and me usually do). Maybe he has realized exactly this: the seen is the seer and there is no way out. The best cure is to accept and to be accepted. Only then life-force itself can take over. The big chance is that this very life-force can also be accepted – even when it does not make any conceptual sense. Maybe that's why there is the saying that the light is the closest when the night is the darkest. Stefan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2006 Report Share Posted November 14, 2006 Nisargadatta , " adithya_comming " <adithya_comming wrote: > > > One of my dear friend was recently (about a > month back) diagnsoed with stage 2-3 > breas cancer. She is about 33 years of age and > she has just had an adorable baby girl (her > second child). > > Her breasts are removed and now, according > to doctors she has to through chemotherapy > (and possibly even worse) for about 2-4 years. > > She told me that she feels very depressed > at times and is looking for a way out. She > asked me for suggestions. > > She has no background in " work " , spirituality > or psychology. > > She used to be very cheerful, lively, positive > and fun-loving person and her husband is a great > guy - very positive and full of energy, optimism > and enthusiasm. > > What would be your advive? > > > > My advice to my friend would be simply to STOP > " resisting " 'depression'! > > Allow 'depression' to completely and 'willingly' > overtake you. Welcome it with open arms. Expereince > it, see it, feel all of it, every bit of it. This > is a wonderful opportunity! Whon knows, when again > you will get 'depressed'! Who knows when again you > will have opportunity to see 'depression' this closely, > feel it this intricately! See it, see all its fibers, > all its fabrics... > > Do it at least for half an hour. Do it without > 'mentaly' 'commenting'. Just see how it looks > without you trying to 'itrepret' it. Once you > do that then please let me know... exactly what it > is! > > > There is absolutely no reason to 'resist' it! > > It is Absoultely Fine to be 'depressed'! > > And, it is absolutely fine to curse God... > just do it Whole Heartedly, FULLY, Completely, > All Out... and, then tell me how it feels... > > > There is NO reason to try to 'escape' > 'depression'... > > Allow yourself to be Depressed All Over... > just do it 'willingly', stay fully 'conscious' > while you do it... and, see where it takes you! > > > You might be in for a Suprise! > > > > > **** > > > When there is No Way Out... > Turn Within... > > [and, you might 'pass thru'!] > > > > **** > > Thru my severe 'no acceptance', I found > my way to Acceptance! > ....as long as there is taking oneself to be a " me " having the cancer ...it probably will be a more or less heavy burden to carry... .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2006 Report Share Posted November 14, 2006 Nisargadatta , " iietsa " <iietsa wrote: > > Nisargadatta , " adithya_comming " > <adithya_comming@> wrote: > > > > > > One of my dear friend was recently (about a > > month back) diagnsoed with stage 2-3 > > breas cancer. She is about 33 years of age and > > she has just had an adorable baby girl (her > > second child). > > > > Her breasts are removed and now, according > > to doctors she has to through chemotherapy > > (and possibly even worse) for about 2-4 years. > > > > She told me that she feels very depressed > > at times and is looking for a way out. She > > asked me for suggestions. > > > > She has no background in " work " , spirituality > > or psychology. > > > > She used to be very cheerful, lively, positive > > and fun-loving person and her husband is a great > > guy - very positive and full of energy, optimism > > and enthusiasm. > > > > What would be your advive? > > > > > > > > My advice to my friend would be simply to STOP > > " resisting " 'depression'! > > > > Allow 'depression' to completely and 'willingly' > > overtake you. Welcome it with open arms. Expereince > > it, see it, feel all of it, every bit of it. This > > is a wonderful opportunity! Whon knows, when again > > you will get 'depressed'! Who knows when again you > > will have opportunity to see 'depression' this closely, > > feel it this intricately! See it, see all its fibers, > > all its fabrics... > > > > Do it at least for half an hour. Do it without > > 'mentaly' 'commenting'. Just see how it looks > > without you trying to 'itrepret' it. Once you > > do that then please let me know... exactly what it > > is! > > > > > > There is absolutely no reason to 'resist' it! > > > > It is Absoultely Fine to be 'depressed'! > > > > And, it is absolutely fine to curse God... > > just do it Whole Heartedly, FULLY, Completely, > > All Out... and, then tell me how it feels... > > > > > > There is NO reason to try to 'escape' > > 'depression'... > > > > Allow yourself to be Depressed All Over... > > just do it 'willingly', stay fully 'conscious' > > while you do it... and, see where it takes you! > > > > > > You might be in for a Suprise! > > > > > > > > > > **** > > > > > > When there is No Way Out... > > Turn Within... > > > > [and, you might 'pass thru'!] > > > > > > > > **** > > > > Thru my severe 'no acceptance', I found > > my way to Acceptance! > > > > > ...as long as there is taking oneself to be a " me " having the > cancer ...it probably will be a more or less heavy burden to carry... > ... > ....actually...much the same story went on with a friend and her niece, who has had colon surgery and now is having great pain, not knowing what. She is a meditation teacher and yoga instructor. ....I asked my friend who said her neice is " distracted " : what if she never knows what is wrong, what if she never becomes 'well'? what if she knows that this moment is all there? what if this moment is exactly as it is supposed to be? hugs Stefan, nice to see you again. Love, Anna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 Her breasts are removed and now, according > to doctors she has to through chemotherapy > (and possibly even worse) for about 2-4 years. > > She told me that she feels very depressed > at times and is looking for a way out. She > asked me for suggestions. > > She has no background in " work " , spirituality > or psychology. > > She used to be very cheerful, lively, positive > and fun-loving person and her husband is a great > guy - very positive and full of energy, optimism > and enthusiasm. > > What would be your advive? ----------------------------- I would not offer advice or tell her to stay with her depressed feelings. Hold her hand or give her a hug or maybe a helpful book and say words that let her know you understand what she is emotionally experiencing. There is something very comforting just by having another person care and by having your feelings validated. Maybe at a later point, advice may be helpful. I did not experience worry or fear when I got my diagnosis and why this was the case I haven't the slightest idea, and I certainly was not involved in any kind of spirituality and did not feel motivated to think in those terms. I did not have breast cancer but I was stage 3. I lived life as I always had, never much future oriented. Maybe I was in a bunch of denial though I would think that impossible with constant chemo treatments, and then radiation but who knows. I am not curious about it. But people react very differently. I've known fear and worry and despair before so my advice comes from memory of that state. Judy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 I did not experience worry or fear when I got my diagnosis and why this was the case I haven't the slightest idea, and I certainly was not involved in any kind of spirituality and did not feel motivated to think in those terms. I did not have breast cancer but I was stage 3. I lived life as I always had, never much future oriented. Maybe I was in a bunch of denial though I would think that impossible with constant chemo treatments, and then radiation but who knows. I am not curious about it. ------ I don't talk about cancer often, but I realize I tend to think everyone is familiar with all of it. There are four stages 1-4. One being the best chance of survival. Four generally meaning no treatment as the cancer is too far progressed for treatment and there is only palliative care, making the patient comfortable. With stage 3, toss a coin up in the air. Judy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 Nisargadatta , " adithya_comming " <adithya_comming wrote: > > > One of my dear friend was recently (about a > month back) diagnsoed with stage 2-3 > breas cancer. She is about 33 years of age and > she has just had an adorable baby girl (her > second child). > > Her breasts are removed and now, according > to doctors she has to through chemotherapy > (and possibly even worse) for about 2-4 years. > > She told me that she feels very depressed > at times and is looking for a way out. She > asked me for suggestions. > > She has no background in " work " , spirituality > or psychology. > > She used to be very cheerful, lively, positive > and fun-loving person and her husband is a great > guy - very positive and full of energy, optimism > and enthusiasm. > > What would be your advive? > > > > My advice to my friend would be simply to STOP > " resisting " 'depression'! > > Allow 'depression' to completely and 'willingly' > overtake you. Welcome it with open arms. Expereince > it, see it, feel all of it, every bit of it. This > is a wonderful opportunity! Whon knows, when again > you will get 'depressed'! Who knows when again you > will have opportunity to see 'depression' this closely, > feel it this intricately! See it, see all its fibers, > all its fabrics... > > Do it at least for half an hour. Do it without > 'mentaly' 'commenting'. Just see how it looks > without you trying to 'itrepret' it. Once you > do that then please let me know... exactly what it > is! > > > There is absolutely no reason to 'resist' it! > > It is Absoultely Fine to be 'depressed'! > > And, it is absolutely fine to curse God... > just do it Whole Heartedly, FULLY, Completely, > All Out... and, then tell me how it feels... > > > There is NO reason to try to 'escape' > 'depression'... > > Allow yourself to be Depressed All Over... > just do it 'willingly', stay fully 'conscious' > while you do it... and, see where it takes you! > > > You might be in for a Suprise! > > > > > **** > > > When there is No Way Out... > Turn Within... > > [and, you might 'pass thru'!] > > > > **** > > Thru my severe 'no acceptance', I found > my way to Acceptance! > Dear Adithiya, Just be there for her, you as you are, and give advice when advice is aked for. I don't know how close you are to your friend, but IMHO there's no better opportunity to give service to a dear one who is facing one of human's greatest challenges. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 Nisargadatta , " Johan " <yohansky wrote: > > Nisargadatta , " adithya_comming " > <adithya_comming@> wrote: > > > > > > One of my dear friend was recently (about a > > month back) diagnsoed with stage 2-3 > > breas cancer. She is about 33 years of age and > > she has just had an adorable baby girl (her > > second child). > > > > Her breasts are removed and now, according > > to doctors she has to through chemotherapy > > (and possibly even worse) for about 2-4 years. > > > > She told me that she feels very depressed > > at times and is looking for a way out. She > > asked me for suggestions. > > > > She has no background in " work " , spirituality > > or psychology. > > > > She used to be very cheerful, lively, positive > > and fun-loving person and her husband is a great > > guy - very positive and full of energy, optimism > > and enthusiasm. > > > > What would be your advive? > > > > > > > > My advice to my friend would be simply to STOP > > " resisting " 'depression'! > > > > Allow 'depression' to completely and 'willingly' > > overtake you. Welcome it with open arms. Expereince > > it, see it, feel all of it, every bit of it. This > > is a wonderful opportunity! Whon knows, when again > > you will get 'depressed'! Who knows when again you > > will have opportunity to see 'depression' this closely, > > feel it this intricately! See it, see all its fibers, > > all its fabrics... > > > > Do it at least for half an hour. Do it without > > 'mentaly' 'commenting'. Just see how it looks > > without you trying to 'itrepret' it. Once you > > do that then please let me know... exactly what it > > is! > > > > > > There is absolutely no reason to 'resist' it! > > > > It is Absoultely Fine to be 'depressed'! > > > > And, it is absolutely fine to curse God... > > just do it Whole Heartedly, FULLY, Completely, > > All Out... and, then tell me how it feels... > > > > > > There is NO reason to try to 'escape' > > 'depression'... > > > > Allow yourself to be Depressed All Over... > > just do it 'willingly', stay fully 'conscious' > > while you do it... and, see where it takes you! > > > > > > You might be in for a Suprise! > > > > > > > > > > **** > > > > > > When there is No Way Out... > > Turn Within... > > > > [and, you might 'pass thru'!] > > > > > > > > **** > > > > Thru my severe 'no acceptance', I found > > my way to Acceptance! > > > > Dear Adithiya, Just be there for her, you as you are, and give advice > when advice is aked for. I don't know how close you are to your > friend, but IMHO there's no better opportunity to give service to a > dear one who is facing one of human's greatest challenges. > My mother was diagnosed with stomach cancer years ago. She was the last 'one' standing in a small group of patients who had their stomachs removed. She also was the eldest. In the year between her diagnosis and her death. She lived. She lived and learned. She also taught me how to die with dignity and how there is nothing but love, really. I would say Arvind, if you stay open to all of it, your friend will give you much more than you can ever return. One thing I know for sure. Love, Anna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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