Awareness, Mind and Honesty

[Guest guest]

Lately, certain events and subsequent discussions made me angry.

Discussions made me angry because I constantly felt that the other

person was not listening to me and he/she felt that her/his advise was

the best for me.

 

Needless to say, I was less than charitable in my reaction. Through

that entire episode, one thing struck me a lot - was there any chance

that they would listen to me?

 

In any relationship, the reason why we hurt the other is because we

are so full of ourselves. In our daily and constant existence, we are

constantly deaf to anything else except our own voice. Our own voice

is so strong that it drowns the messages that a relationship gives

out.. infact shouts out! The person need not speak. If our minds could

stop voicing its egotistic and narcisstic nonsense, spoken word from

another is not necessary to " listen " .

 

That is why, I felt that when I laid my heart, if despite that the

other person could not comprehend my thoughts, ostensibly deafened by

his/her own mind's voice, was there any chance that the person would

understand when I did debate my point, point by point? My answer was

no. And I was right.

 

But this miscommunication is not a one way street. The same thing goes

on with me too. I am as guilty of rejoicing in mind's chatter (isn't

the first paragraph proof enough?). But there are times, when I have

honestly tried to " listen " to others but did not get a reciprocation.

That placed me in situations that potentially " compromised my

interests " . And the experiment was called off.

 

However, should this have been so? Should my attempt at wiping out the

personal " noise " been dependent on someone's else's honesty with

him/her-self? Is honesty of understanding my need or is it a

bargaining chip that I should have been using??

 

These are some of the questions I grapple with.

 

I have seen that in my life that I have benefitted from being

" ruthlessly " honest with my ownself. Now, its not that I was

deliberately dishonest at other times, but the discomfort at the

conclusions that I reached at in those times, seemed counter to my

assumptions made based on " business-as-usual " thinking. If I look at

those times carefully, I find that these were also the times that I

had reduced my mind-noise (which used past baggage to give me

direction - as if in auto-pilot) to minimum, and looked at the more

sides than one.

 

Thought and Questioning (or Introspection) is like driving. In our

evolution of our being and soul, there might have been times when we

would have been in the learning mode and so went through these

processes carefully and with least noise. But as the soul became

completely engrossed in the material, and so cavalier with its ability

to handle the mind, the mind became overly careless. And soon the mind

did not realise when it was changing the gears and when it was

stepping on the clutch. It was more engrossed in listening to the

latest song on the radio while speeding through rush hour to work!

 

As Nisargadatta said " You must unlearn everything... " . Unlearn... the

ability to rush through the world without being aware! Awareness comes

where Honesty is.. ruthless honesty and no noise! And this is not a

favor to others but to ourselves. At least at this stage. There will

come a time when others will vanish just as our own voices do. Because

" others " are a product of our own mind's voice.