Living without 'i'.

[Guest guest]

>

> In my sleep, I get many dreams...

> pleasant dreams, unpleasant dreams,

> happy dreams, unhappy dreams, dream of

> win, dream of loss... of fear, of sex,

> of lust, of greatness, of contentment,

> of beauty...

 

In my dreams, I make love, I run,

I get chased, I get fear, I feel

happy, I pray, I feel I am I God,

in my dreams... I also meditate

and I go into meditative state,

 

in my dreams, I also get angry, I feel

resentment, in my dreams, I also fight with my wife.

 

 

>

> All I seem to miss is... Choice. In my

> dreams, I seem to have no say, no

> choice. Dreams just happen to me, I

> don't get to " choose " them.

>

> In my waking hours, without a

> foreground 'i'... my condition seems to

> be the same. Things [dream] happen and

> I remain a mute witness. I

> wanted to experiment with being a

> 'self'-less man... maybe for a week...

 

 

I had tried doing this few times before

and had each time dropped it after some

time because of getting some greatly

unintended consequences...such as

hallucination, disorientation,

'losing control' and 'failing memory'.

 

 

Yet, [perhaps, because of reading in

my books that egoless state was ideal,]

I was frequently fascinated by the idea

of living without 'i' and sometimes,

imagined* it to be a condition of great

BLISS, Peace and... Love!

 

 

----

* This, in spite of my every night experience,

that though this 'i' is absent in my sleep...

I do have dreams of terror, fear, resentment,

anger, lust too... and, not just of peace,

bliss, meditation and incredible beauty!