I should be happy?

[Guest guest]

You move totally away from reality

when you believe that there is a

legitimate reason to suffer.

 

~Byron Katie

 

 

 

This was one of my favorite quotes and

it sure reads quite good. I noticed

that it does bring some immediate

relief and joy and it brings lot of

" hope " for a 'future' where I will have

become so 'wise' that I will never

suffer.

 

But, I found that believing in this

does not do much more than to bring this

temporary relief, " hope " for a 'future'

free of suffering [and possibly, ask me

to investigate, inquire, to 'get out

of it' when I find myself suffering.].

 

 

What I found is that much of my

'suffering' is simply because of the

idea... " I shouldn't suffer " .

 

I noticed that much of my suffering is

because of the idea " I should be

happy " , " I should be peaceful " , " I

should be relaxed " , " I should be

joyous " . And, I noticed that *work* in

place of questioning this idea, which

was many times in the root of my

suffering, further strengthens it.

 

In fact, I saw that entire premise of the

*work* was based n the idea, " I should

be happy " , the very idea that had

caused me stress and suffering many

times. If I didn't believe " I should be

happy " , in many cases, there was very

little to stress or suffer about.

Further, I asked myself... 'Why must I

be happy?'.

 

I found that

I couldn't really answer that question

and I found that believing this

thought, in fact... felt extremely

selfish, narrow and... kind of stupid.

 

 

I noticed that in absence of this

belief in " I should be happy " , my

unhappiness... whenever it occurred felt

far more 'natural', easy and 'light'.

I found out that in many

cases, this 'unhappiness' was in fact,

quite necessary and useful and I was

grateful for it. I noticed that without

this belief in " I should be happy " , I

didn't mind and I didn't care for my

unhappiness that much and I wasn't that

'afraid' of it.

 

Without this belief in

" I should be happy " , I was less

'afraid' of 'unhappiness' and I was less

'greedy' for 'happiness' and as a

Consequence...

 

I was freer to live my life

[which to me, actually meant " serving "

Life!].

 

When happiness came, I was

grateful for it. When unhappiness came,

many times, I was grateful for it...

and, even when I wasn't grateful for

it... that too was A OK.

[Guest guest]

[...]

 

> Without this belief in

> " I should be happy " , I was less

> 'afraid' of 'unhappiness' and I was less

> 'greedy' for 'happiness' and as a

> Consequence... I was freer to live my life

> [which to me, actually meant " serving "

> Life!]. When happiness came, I was

> grateful for it. When unhappiness came,

> many times, I was grateful for it...

> and, even when I wasn't grateful for

> it... that too was A OK.

 

 

 

On Seeing my TRUE Reality, I realized

that the " world " is the only reason for

ME to take 'form'. I AM here on the

'invitation' of the world, which

working thu a male and female gave

birth to this body. Even today, the

'body' is sustained by the Sun, Air,

Earth and the very same world.

 

In notice that

in spite of all that, to be overly concerned

with happiness of 'self' would be an act of

extreme ungratefulness, selfishness,

greed and... narrowness; all of which

are different forms of 'suffering' in themselves.

And, it might be natural for this ungratefulness

creates further suffering for the self.

 

 

I saw that absence of this extreme

narrowness, it would be an act of

'natural' gratitude to wanting to " serve " world,

to which I owe my every breath, even it

meant suffering for me. I saw that

with the realization of this gratitude,

'my' 'happiness' would make sense only

as a side-effect of this 'service' and not

as the lonely 'end result' of any action.

I noticed that only my extreme

ungratefulness and ignorance can prevent

from that realization and that

'narrowness' was its own punishment.

 

 

Even with little examination, it was

clear that I was here " for " and

" because of " the world... and, making

it overly about " me " was an act of

ignorance, ungratefulness and

selfishness. Shouldn't I suffer when I

do that? On an honest examination,

suffering looked like be a very

fair result for such an ungrateful mind.

 

I noticed that world had

already done quite a lot including giving me

birth and sustaining me everyday... and, with

my extreme preoccupation with " me " , all I was

giving was... my ungratefulness. Realizing my

TRUE nature, I noticed that in fact, it wasn't at

all necessary for the world to bring me happiness

but, I allowed the realization of my gratitude to

flow naturally...

 

 

I could perhaps be naturally inclined on serving

compassion, forgiveness, gratitude and love... in this world.

And, my happiness could perhaps, be a natural by-product

of such 'service' because a natural grateful Heart was a

Great Happiness on its own... whereas a narrow, shrunk,

me-centered, ungrateful heart always carried the seed of

suffering and lies within.

[Guest guest]

> > Without this belief in

> > " I should be happy " , I was less

> > 'afraid' of 'unhappiness' and I was less

> > 'greedy' for 'happiness' and as a

> > Consequence... I was freer to live my life

> > [which to me, actually meant " serving "

> > Life!]. When happiness came, I was

> > grateful for it. When unhappiness came,

> > many times, I was grateful for it...

> > and, even when I wasn't grateful for

> > it... that too was A OK.

>

 

I found that Happiness was Eternally

present in me, Love was eternally

present in me...

 

but, on some level, so were all other

emotions... including fear, greed,

hate, jealousy, anger were present in me

as 'potentiality'.

 

I experienced that it wasn't really

possible for me to 'get rid of'...

anger, fear, greed or anything else. I

contained them all and as

'potentiality' I contained them all,

all the time. As a 'potential', all

emotions were eternally present in me,

their creation or destruction was

ultimately beyond my control and thus

not my responsibility.

 

 

I saw that I didn't really have to

create or wait for love, happiness or

compassion or to destroy or get rid

of... fear, greed, anger or jealousy; it

was sufficient only to serve* them whenever

possible. And, I noticed that as long

as I was Aware... doing so was always

possible.

 

 

I noticed that I didn't have

to 'get rid of' fear to serve courage.

I didn't have to get rid of reactivity

to serve forgiveness and I didn't have

to get rid of selfishness to serve

gratitude. Serving was mostly an act of

choosing and not of creating, because,

as seed all emotions were always

present, creation or destruction was in

fact, not possible.

 

 

In the same way, I noticed that

achieving a particular result for self,

others or... the world too was not

really in my control; my responsibility

if any, was only to think, speak and

act with compassion, forgiveness,

gratitude, love and reason.

 

I noticed that when I did that... I naturally

felt quite effortless, peaceful and

happy, which I thought was another

reason to be grateful and not really to

use this happiness as the 'goal' of

the service/action.

 

 

----

 

*By serving I mean to think, speak and

act with compassion, forgiveness,

gratitude, love and reason...

 

i.e. to " chose " to think, speak and act

the way which feels aligned with Courage,

compassion, forgiveness, love and reason...

 

and, to do so

even when fear, greed, anger, jealousy,

reactivity or selfishness is present.

 

 

I noticed that doing so generates natural ease

and peace and the grip of the emotions like fear,

greed, anger, reactivity starts getting weaker.

But, I also noticed that it was faulty, selfish

[an counter-productive] to make the happiness

that it generates as the 'end goal' for doing

what felt compassionate and kind... because,

whenever I made that as a 'goal'... my heart

felt shrunk, narrow, afraid and greedy.