The basis of the sense of a me

April 16, 2009

The following I wrote several years ago, and am including it herebecause I see it having relevance to the notion of a senseof " me " :I had always had a sense of " innerness " , a sense of a " center "

within. Then at one point it struck me that my sense of centercould be an assumption, not a fact. I suddenly realized thatthat assumption created a sense of inner/outer, of a " me " insideand of a " world " outside. With that realization I was able to

" let go " of that assumption. With that letting go consciousnessbecame as a point that was everywhere at once. There was no longeran " outside " . Everything was included in that expanded sense of

spaceless presence. It was as if the " subjective geometry " of experience became radically simpler, indeed as if there were nogeometry at all!At this point in time it continues much the same. For example, at

this moment consciousness is dispersed as a sparklng aliveness " everywhere " . There is a brightness that imbues everything andno sense of location anywhere within that expanded brightness.There is also no sense of boundary or " end " .

I do experience a sense of " within " at times, but in an odd sortof way, as there is no sense of " without " and no sense of any " point " within the " within " . It is more a heartful sense of

pure energy-awareness-love pouring out from a fathomless source " within " and expanding without bound.I find it interesting to note that the above last paragraph is no longer true.The previous paragraph that speaks of " sparkling aliveness everywhere "

now applies virtually all of the time (the exception being rare brief periods where there is a sense of " flow " in the field of awareness).My conjecture is that many, perhaps even most, people tend to assume

some kind of imaginary boundary that separates " them " from " the world " ,and with that a sense of center (of some sort) . Said " boundary " and " center " are only imaginary (as illustrated in my story above), but they

have a " virtual existence " in that they function as " strange attractors " ofa sort. That is, even if something is only imaginary, it can have effects.So, to conclude, I am suggesting that the so-called " me " is in effect an

imaginary center that functions as a kind of strange attractor suchthat experience (data) is ordered with respect to it. In other words, allthe requisite features of a so-called " me " .Bill

April 16, 2009

Nisargadatta , Bill Rishel <illusyn wrote:

>

> The following I wrote several years ago, and am including it here

> because I see it having relevance to the notion of a sense

> of " me " :

>

> I had always had a sense of " innerness " , a sense of a " center "

> within. Then at one point it struck me that my sense of center

> could be an *assumption*, not a fact. I suddenly realized that

> that assumption created a sense of inner/outer, of a " me " inside

> and of a " world " outside. With that realization I was able to

> " let go " of that assumption. With that letting go consciousness

> became as a point that was everywhere at once. There was no longer

> an " outside " . Everything was included in that expanded sense of

> spaceless presence. It was as if the " subjective geometry " of

> experience became radically simpler, indeed as if there were no

> geometry at all!

>

> At this point in time it continues much the same. For example, at

> this moment consciousness is dispersed as a sparklng aliveness

> " everywhere " . There is a brightness that imbues everything and

> no sense of *location *anywhere within that expanded brightness.

> There is also no sense of boundary or " end " .

>

> I do experience a sense of " within " at times, but in an odd sort

> of way, as there is no sense of " without " and no sense of any

> " point " within the " within " . It is more a heartful sense of

> pure energy-awareness-love pouring out from a fathomless source

> " within " and expanding without bound.

>

> I find it interesting to note that the above last paragraph is no longer

> true.

> The previous paragraph that speaks of " sparkling aliveness everywhere "

> now applies virtually all of the time (the exception being rare brief

> periods

> where there is a sense of " flow " in the field of awareness).

>

> My conjecture is that many, perhaps even most, people tend to assume

> some kind of imaginary boundary that separates " them " from " the world " ,

> and with that a sense of *center *(of some sort) . Said " boundary " and

> " center " are only imaginary (as illustrated in my story above), but they

> have a " virtual existence " in that they function as " strange attractors " of

> a sort. That is, even if something is only imaginary, it can have *effects*.

>

> So, to conclude, I am suggesting that the so-called " me " is in effect an

> imaginary center that functions as a kind of *strange attractor *such

> that experience (data) is ordered with respect to it. In other words, all

> the requisite features of a so-called " me " .

>

> Bill

two referent and relevant episodes from Merrell-Woff:

1.

" I had been sitting in a porch swing, reading as previously stated. Ahead of the

sequence in the book, I turned to the section devoted to " Liberation, " as I

seemed to feel an especial hunger for this. I covered the material quickly and

it all seemed very clear and satisfactory. Then, as I sat afterward dwelling in

thought upon the subject just read, suddenly it dawned upon me that a common

mistake made in higher mediation---i.e., meditation for Liberation---is the

seeking for a subtle object of Recognition, in other words, something that could

be experienced. Of course, I had long known the falseness of this position

theoretically, yet had failed to recognize it.

At once, I dropped expectation of having anything happen. Then, with eyes open

and no sense stopped in functioning---hence no trance---I abstracted the

subjective moment---the " I AM " or " Atman " element---from the totality of the

objective consciousness manifold. Upon this I focused. Naturally, I found what,

from the relative point of view, is Darkness and Emptiness. But I Realized It as

Absolute Light and Fullness and that I was That. Of course, I cannot tell what

IT was in Its own nature. The relative forms of consciousness inevitably distort

nonrelative consciousness.

Presently I felt the Ambrosia-quality in the breath with the purifying

benediction that it casts over the whole personality, even including the

physical body. I found myself above the universe, not in the sense of leaving

the physical body and being taken out in space, but in the sense of being above

space, time, and causality. My karma seemed to drop away from me as an

individual responsibility. I felt intangibly, yet wonderfully, free. I sustained

the universe and was not bound by it. Desires and ambitions grew perceptibly

more and more shadowy. All worldly honors were without power to exalt me.

Physical life seemed undesirable.

Repeatedly, through the days that followed, I was in a state of deep brooding,

thinking thoughts that were so abstract that there were no concepts to represent

them. I seemed to comprehend a veritable library of Knowledge, all less concrete

than the most abstract mathematics. The personality rested in a gentle glow of

happiness, but while it was very gentle, yet it was so potent as to dull the

keenest sensuous delight. Likewise the sense of world-pain was absorbed. I

looked, as it were, over the world, asking: " what is there of interest here?

What is there worth doing? "

Since that day I have been repeatedly in the Current of Ambrosia. Often I turn

to It with the ease of a subtle movement of thought. Sometimes It breaks out

spontaneously. "

2

" After retiring last night I lay awake for some time. My mind, instead of being

calm, as has been its dominant quality during the last month, was rather

agitated...I first became aware of being enveloped in an extraordinary State of

Consciousness when I found myself seemingly surrounded by, and interpenetrated

through and through with, a quality for which there is no adequate word but

which is most nearly represented by calling it " Satisfaction. " I do not simply

mean that the State was satisfactory. It was Satisfaction...He who is enveloped

in this Satisfaction is in need of nothing whatsoever to satisfy him. The

Satisfaction I realized is a real and substantial Existence prior to all

experiencing.

Throughout this whole experience and the following more profound state, the

egoistic or subject-object consciousness was actively present. It was present,

however, as a witness on the sidelines, while all about and through and through

there was an immeasurably vaster Consciousness.

How long the state of complete Satisfaction continued I do not know, save that

it was for a protracted interval as measured in terms of objective

consciousness. But as time went on there was a gradual dimming, or fusing, or

being enveloped, on the part of the Satisfaction, by another and considerably

more profound state. The only expression that reasonably well represents this

higher State is the term " High Indifference. " Along with this was a sense of

simply tremendous Authority. It was an Authority of such stupendous Majesty as

to reduce the power all Caesars relatively to the level of insects.

In this State I was not enveloped with satisfaction, but there was no feeling,

in connection with that fact, of something having been lost. Literally, I now

had no need of Satisfaction. "

like that...

..b b.b.

April 16, 2009