The Marriage Counseling Session

[Guest guest]

The marriage counselor looked at the aging couple.

They sat stiff and silent inspecting the room.

 

Counselor: Well, tell me what brought you here.

 

The husband uncrossed his legs, and crossed them

again, placing his right leg on top his left knee

this time. This was a sign he was about to speak.

His wife noticing it, blurted, " He's driving

all my children away. Only the two boys live with us

now, and he hounds them. He won't leave them alone,

always finding fault. He hunts his own kin. "

 

C: How old are the children?

 

W: Thirty, and thirty two.

 

C: May I ask why are they still living with you?

 

W: Why shouldn't they? I'm a great mother. They

love me, and as long as they go by my rules, they

can stay as long as they want.

 

C: Mm. What are the rules?

 

H: Oh, please, don't get her started. The latest

one is no manipulation in the house.

 

W: I can't stand being manipulated. It pushes my

buttons. He wants sex and calls me frigid when I

refuse. That is manipulation.

 

C: Sounds more like an opinion to me. How do you

define manipulation?

 

W: Never mind definitions. I know when I'm being

manipulated. I was going to change the lock, but

he cooked a nice dinner for the children, so he

gets to live with us a little longer. Maybe

cooking dinner was manipulation too, but it didn't

seem so at the time.

 

C: How often do you have sex?

 

The husband lifted two fingers.

 

C: Twice a week?

 

H: A month, and she doesn't want to copulate any

longer, just wants conical lingus.

 

The counselor looked at her nails smiling, " Do you

mean cunnilingus? And what does she do for you?

 

H: fellowlatte.

 

C: That would be fellatio, unless coffee is used

in some way.

 

H: No coffee. She tapes my mouth with Gorilla tape.

 

 

C: Are you two into bondage?

 

W: No way! I tape his mouth so the children don't

hear him moaning. I don't want them to know we

still do it. People our age doing that, It's not

Christian. They would think less of us.

 

H: She used to be fun and easy going, Doc. Is she

becoming frigid, or even worse, a lesbian,

you think?

 

W: " That's manipulation, buster, I'm

changing the lock. " Yelled the wife

leaving the room in a huff.

 

The husband made a fist and was about to strike the

counselor's desk.

 

C: Did you notice the punching bag hanging in

that corner? Go give it a few whacks. It does help.

 

 

Pete

 

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