Dr Alan Zimmerman's Comments.

[Guest guest]

THE ART OF LETTING GO

 

Dr. Alan Zimmerman's Comments:

 

Sooner or later, everyone you know will disappoint you in some way.

They'll say

something or fail to say something that will hurt you. And they'll do

something or fail to do something that will anger you. It's

inevitable.

 

Unfortunately, you make things worse when you stew over someone's

words and

deeds. When you dwell on a rude remark or an insensitive action

made by another person, you're headed for deeper problems.

 

In fact, the more you dwell on these things, the more bitter you'll

get.

 

You'll find your joy, peace and happiness slipping away. And you'll

find your

productivity slowing down as you spend more and more time thinking

about the slight or telling others about it. Eventually, if you

don't stop doing

it, you'll even get sick.

 

So what should you do the next time someone betrays you? TAKE

RESPONSIBILITY FOR

YOUR FEELINGS. Even though the other person

may be at fault, even though the other person wronged you, you are

still

responsible for your own feelings.

 

In other words, other people do not " cause " your feelings. You

choose them.

 

For example, two different people could be told that their

suggestions made at

the staff meeting were " stupid and idiotic. " One person may " choose "

to

feel so hurt that he never speaks up at any other meeting again. The

other

person may " choose " to feel sorry for the critic, sorry that the

critic couldn't

 

see the wisdom and necessity of her suggestions.

 

As long as you blame other people for your feelings, as long as you

believe

other people caused your feelings, you're stuck. You're a helpless

victim.

 

But if you recognize the fact that you choose your feelings and you

are

responsible for your feelings, there's hope. You can take some time

to think

about your feelings. And you can decide what is the best thing to

say or do.

 

Then, you've got to learn to WALK AWAY FROM DISAPPOINTMENT. It's

difficult to

do, but it's possible. The famous 19th century Scottish

historian, Thomas Carlyle, proved that.

 

After working on his multi-volume set of books on " The French

Revolution " for

six years, Carlyle completed the manuscript and took volume one to

his friend John Stuart Mill. He asked Mill to read it.

 

Five days later, Mill's maid accidentally threw the manuscript into

the fire. In

agony, Mill went to Carlyle's house to tell him that his work had

been

destroyed.

 

Carlyle did not flinch. With a smile, he said, " That's all right,

Mill.

 

These things happen. It is a part of life. I will start over. I can

remember

most of it, I am sure. Don't worry. It's all here in my mind. Go,my

friend! Do

not feel bad. "

 

As Mill left, Carlyle watched him from the window. Carlyle turned to

his wife

and said, " I did not want him to see how crushed I am by this

misfortune. " And with a heavy sigh, he added, " Well the manuscript

is gone, so I

had better start writing again. "

 

Carlyle finally completed the work, which ranks as one of the great

classics of

all time. He had learned to walk away from his disappointment.

 

After all, what could Carlyle have done about his burnt manuscript?

 

Nothing. Nothing would have resurrected the manuscript. All Carlyle

could do was

to get bitter or get started. And what can you do about anything

once it is over? Not much. You can try to correct it if it is

possible, or you

can walk away from it if it isn't. Those are your only two choices.

 

Sometimes you've just got to shake it off and step up. It's like the

farmer who

had an old mule who fell into a deep dry well. As he assessed the

situation, he knew it would be difficult, if not impossible, to lift

the heavy

mule out of the deep well.

 

So the farmer decided to bury the mule in the well.

 

After all, the mule was old and the well was dry, so he could solve

two problems

at once. He could put the old mule out of his misery and have his

well filled.

 

The farmer asked his neighbours to help him with the shovelling. To

work they

went. As they threw shovel-full of dirt after shovel-full of dirt on

the

mule's back, the mule became frightened.

 

Then all of a sudden an idea came to the mule. Each time they would

throw a

shovel-full of dirt on his back, he would shake it off and step up.

 

Shovel-full after shovel-full, the mule would shake it off and step

up. In not

too long a time, the exhausted and dirty mule stepped over the top

of the

well and through the crowd.

 

That's the same approach we all need to take. We need to shake it

off and step

up.

 

Finally, you need to FORGIVE. It's difficult, especially when the

other person

doesn't deserve your forgiveness or doesn't even seek it. It's

difficult

when the other person is clearly in the wrong.

 

Part of the difficulty comes from a common misunderstanding of

forgiveness.

 

Forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person's behaviour is okay.

And

forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person is off the hook. He's

still

responsible for his misbehaviour.

 

Forgiveness is about letting yourself off the emotional hook. It's

about

releasing your negative emotions, attitudes, and behaviours. It's

about letting

go

of the past so you can go forward to the future.

 

Everyone in your life, everyone on and off the job is going to

disappoint you.

If you know how to respond to those situations, you'll be way ahead

of

most people. You'll be able to live above and beyond your

circumstances.

 

Action:

 

Identify two people that have disappointed, hurt, or angered you. If

possible,

select two people towards whom you still have some bitterness.

 

Then ask yourself, " How does my bitterness serve me?

 

Am I happier holding on to it?

 

Do I sleep better?

 

Is my life richer, fuller, and better because of my bitterness? "

 

If you find that your bitterness is hurting you, make a decision.

 

Actually decide to let it go.

 

Walk away from the disappointment -- which means you no longer dwell

on it or

talk about it. Period!

 

 

 

" Gurur Brahma Gurur Vishnu

 

Gurur Devoh Maheshwar;

 

Gurur Shakshat Parambramha

 

Tashmai Shri Gurur Veh Namah "

 

May the Merciful Sri Shirdi Sai Baba-,died 1918, always shower His

grace on us and our families and

remove our problems and anxieties by giving us all - strength ,

goodluck,

success and happiness with peace of mind.

Sai bhakt,

Deepa H

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