Eternal Bhagavan - By Shantammal - 1

January 10, 2003

Eternal Bhagavan

By Shantammal -

At the instance of Sri Muruganar, Shantammal came to the Ashram from Ramnad in 1927. She worked in the kitchen and her devotion to Sri Bhagavan was total. Since she served all with love, everyone at the Ashram loved her, and wherever she stayed people surrounded her to listen to her expositions describing her life with Sri Bhagavan.

WHEN my brother's brother-in-law was transferred from Ramnad to a neighboring village, his wife could not go with him, so he sent for me to cook for him. I was then a widow 40 years old. One morning I sat in front of the fire and looked at the rice boiling and various thoughts came to my mind: "Shantamma, what is the matter with you? Why are you doing all this? You already lost your husband and your three sons. Your daughter you loved dearly and served her, along with her husband. You spent all your money on them. Then your daughter died and so did her child. Then you gave your love to your brother's daughter and her husband and all your money too, and now you are here cooking for your brother's wife's brother. Is it for this that you were born? Must you always entangle yourself with somebody or other? Who is this man to you? Why should you cook for him? What is the meaning of all this endless cooking? If you go on wasting your life like this, what will become of you in the end?"

It was as if a light had flooded my entire being. I went to my brother's son-in-law, told him that I was leaving on pilgrimage for Rameshwaram and got into the train.

During the journey in the train and at Rameshwaram one question was all the time in my mind: "Where can I find the one who will lead me to salvation, who will show me the way to God?"

At Rameshwaram I stayed with a lady who was reading scriptures to pilgrims in the temple and helped her in the household work. She advised me to read the book Kaivalyam. That book was available with one Nagaswami, whom I knew well. I found him and asked him to lend me the book.

"Why do you need Kaivalyam?" he asked. "To know the path to liberation.Will books lead you to salvation ?What else can I do ?Do you really want to know the way ?Yes, I do.Have you no other desire than that ?None.Is that the truth, the very truth ?" Thrice he asked. "Yes, yes." He carefully searched my face. "All right, come on the full-moon day." On that day he taught me the Mahamantra and gave me instructions on how to use it. For months on end I was engrossed in my spiritual practices and forgot my very existence. When I became somewhat conscious of my surroundings, I would serve Nagaswami. But he died within a year and I returned to Ramnad. I was reading holy books, explaining them to other ladies and practicing my mantra. Thus nine years passed and I was already fifty years old.

Muruganar, a native of Ramnad, gave up worldly life at an early age and was known to me to be a disciple of Sri Ramana Maharshi. Once I saw Bhagavan's photo with him and felt a very strong urge to go and see him. I was very poor and it took me a year to collect the money needed.

In 1927, three other ladies and I went to Tiruvannamalai. By that time Bhagavan had come down from the hill and was living in a hut near his mother's samadhi. We rented a place in the town, had a bath and went to see him. He was seated on a cot in a grass-thatched shed. Muruganar was by his side. As soon as I saw him I knew he was God in human form. I bowed to him and said, "The dream of my life has come true. Today I am blessed. Grant that my mind does not trouble me anymore."

Bhagavan turned to Muruganar and said: "Ask her to find out whether there is such a thing as mind. If there is, ask her to describe it."

I stood still, not knowing what to say. Muruganar explained to me, "Don't you see? You have been initiated in the search for the Self."

Although I was all mixed up, I remembered to honor Bhagavan by singing a poem from "Ramanastuthi Panchakam." It says: "Your spiritual splendor fills the universe with its perfume. Attracted by it numberless beings turn their face to you. I too grew restless and sought you eagerly. Where is He? Where is He? I enquired, and now I have come to you." Bhagavan asked me how I had come to know the song. Muruganar explained that he had given me a copy of the book.

We stayed for forty days. We would cook some food, sharing the expenses, and take it to the Ashram. Bhagavan would taste it and the rest was given to the devotees. In those days, Bhagavan's brother, Chinnaswami, was cooking for the Ashram. Some provisions were sent from the town by various devotees and the supply was very precarious. Often there were no curries or sambar, only plain rice and a piece of pickle. The Kartikai festival, for which Arunachala is famous, was going on. From three in the morning until twelve at night there were people coming and going. Bhagavan had to be protected by a bamboo fence.

I wanted to stay on until Bhagavan's birthday, but the other three ladies had to return, so I went to Bhagavan to take his leave. He asked me to wait a day longer, for the newly-printed Upadesa Saram was to be released. The next day he gave me a copy with his own hands. The thought of leaving him broke my heart and I wept bitterly. Very kindly he said, "No, don't cry. You are going to Ramnad, but you are not leaving Arunachala. Go and come soon."

I spent a year at Ramnad the way I did before. Bhagavan's birthday was nearing and I felt eager to go back. I had not even the money to buy a ticket, yet I resolved to start on Saturday, come what may. On Friday the invitation arrived. Later I came to know that Bhagavan had mentioned my name to the dispatchers. Bhagavan's picture was on the invitation and I took it to the ladies in the Ramnad Palace. They gave me thirty rupees to attend the Jayanti. It was the experience of every devotee that if they were determined to visit him, all obstacles would somehow vanish.

This time Bhagavan was on a sofa in a newly- built hall. He was explaining something from Ulladu Narpadu to Dandapani Swami. When he saw me his first question was: "Have you a copy of this book? I asked them to post one to you." How my Lord remembers me by name and how loving is his personal attention to my needs! What have I, an ignorant woman, done to deserve such kindness? How can I afford to keep away from him?

I stayed at the Ashram as if it were my own home. At night I would sleep in some devotee's house, but from dawn to dusk I would help in the Ashram chores. The birthday celebrations were over, the guests were leaving, and naturally I felt that I too would have to go. But how could I leave Bhagavan? One day I gathered courage and told Bhagavan about my deep urge to stay on: "As long as I am with you, Bhagavan, my mind is at peace. Away from you I am restless. What am I to do?"

He said, "Stay here until your mind gets settled. After that you can go anywhere and nothing will disturb you."

How could I remain? I was too poor to stay in the town. The Ashram was poor too. Often there was not enough food for all. How could I ask them to take me in? Why should they? Anyhow, I had decided not to return to Ramnad. I would not leave the feet of my Guru. If only by some miracle I could stay in the Ashram. And the miracle happened that very minute! When I was going towards the dining hall, I overheard Chinnaswami and Ramakrishnaswami talking to each other. Chinnaswami, then our cook, was not well and had to leave for Madras for treatment. "Would Shantamma kindly agree to stay and cook, if asked?" I heard him say. Kindly agree when I was dreaming of it! How merciful was Bhagavan! I was to stay for two months...and stayed forever.

I was put in charge of the cooking and Bhagavan would come often to help. Could I dream of greater happiness? He would get everything ready and tell me what to cook and how. With him near me I was tireless. No amount of work was too much for me. I did not even feel I was working. I worked with God! I was silently wondering at my great good fortune of being allowed to live and work in such a Great Presence!

At that period of the Ashram's life, Bhagavan used to be unusually active, working both in the kitchen and outside. He would clean grain, shell nuts, grind seeds, stick together the leaf plates we ate from, and so on. We would join him in every task and listen to his stories, jokes, reminiscences and spiritual teachings. Occasionally he would scold us lovingly like a mother. All Vedanta I learned from him in easy and happy lessons. At every hour and place, at each task, the work was from him or for him and thus between us an unending link was forged. He was always in the center. It was easy for us to keep our minds on him. It was impossible to do anything else, for we had to refer to him all the time. All initiative and responsibility were his. He would attend to everything. Whatever trouble cropped up during cooking or in daily life, we had only to mention it to him and he would set it right. Everything we did, every problem we faced, was made use of in teaching the art of total reliance on him.

As soon as Chinnaswami became the Sarvadhikari (general manager) of the Ashram, he was full of zest and declared that henceforth adequate meals were to be served in the Ashram, even if it meant buying and storing foodstuffs. Bhagavan used to make fun of him: "Well, store up, go on storing. Have rice from Nellore, dhal from Virudupatti, all the best and the costliest." The Ashram was growing, the number of visitors increasing, and prepared food was needed at all hours, so the Sarvadhikari was allowed to have his way.

...........................to be continued

- from Ramana Smrti Souvenir

(posted on The Maharshi Newsletters)