Lucy Cornellsen, Hunting the I, Investigation #1

[Guest guest]

INVESTIGATION

 

Are you happy?

 

When you reply with the counterquestion 'What is happiness?' that means that you have already observed how brittle, how transient and short-lived your so-called happiness is. But maybe what we have in mind was not happiness at all, but only pleasure?

'Pleasure' means the fulfilment of some desire or the removal of something unpleasant. But experience teaches that, after some desire has been fulfilled, two other ones will emerge, and after something unpleasant has been removed, something else of a similar kind will present itself and obstruct our intention to enjoy ourselves. We try and try again to change circumstances and conditions; is it our birthright to be happy?

It is.

Then why have we to struggle and to fight and still miss it?

Because of a single error of ours: We do not know ourselves properly, and by that same error everything else is spoiled. Nor do we know what happiness is.

Real happiness needs no struggle nor endeavour, no reason nor cause; it is the inherent in the real "I". However you and I, we live on a wrong "I", as it were. That is the mistake which has to be removed before we can claim our birthright on real happiness.

So says Ramana, the Maharshi. And he advises us to dive deep into ourselves with the questionL'Who Am I?'

 

Don't expect an answer to it; there is none, because every possibleanswer which might come to our mind is wrong. However, he promises usthat one day, provided out perseverance and patience keep us on thepath, there will emerge a real "I" the identity of the GreatExperience, and together with it the true happiness, which is sat-chid-ananda, the Bliss of Conscious Be-ing.Somebody asked Sri Ramana:"When we start this enquiry, who is doing it?"Sri Ramana's answer: "The Self does no vichara. That which makes theenquiry is the ego. The "I" about which the enquiry is made is alsothe ego. As the result of the enquiry the ego ceases to exist andonly the Self is found to exist."(Day by Day, 21-11-45)But there are people who feel unable to attack the wrong idea ofthemselves immediately. They want first to be shown an intellectualapproach. There may also be some who do not even know how to gowithin. To those we recommend first that they take a closer look attheir own 'person', at that which they take as "I".You say: 'I sit, I walk', obviously taking the body as 'I', because it is thebody that sits or walks.But don't you also say: 'I think, I believe, I decide', etc.? This "I" seemsrather to be of the thinking mind!And what about your being glad or sad, elated or depressed? Isn't it an "I" ofsome sort of feeling? And at another time there emerges an "I" which isintending something, planning, designing, an "I" who seems to be sheer willing?The conclusion seems to be: "I" means all this together as my body-mind-person.'My?' whose? By looking at these "I"'s quite frankly, we see that thisbody-mind-person also is not "I", but 'mind'.So whose? Where is the "I" to be found in this case?A strange whim of language?Let us consider the body. It cannot be "I", because everybody talks about 'his'body. Apart from that, it has been born without having asked its "I" beforehand,and it shall die without asking its "I" whether it agrees to it or not. And inbetween it is living up to its appointed hour without any consideration for its"I", a mere biological phenomenon, a product of this planet, and it seems ratherpresumptuous to say even 'my' body. Moreover 'my' body does not at all obey me,its "I". Does 'my' thinking mind do that? The answer is 'no, on the contrary'.Thus it seems that thinking, feeling and willing are functions of the body, or,to be more specific, of its brain, a biologically reacting mechanism whichserves the body properly without needing an "I" for that purpose. *** (commentbellow)But still there seems to be an "I", because we are conscious of it vividly evennow, at this moment, when it appears to lose its last foothold!Hold it!Keep very quiet and observe: this "I" does neither think nor will; it has noqualities, it is neither man nor woman, has neither body nor mind; it has notrace of the 'person' which you had in mind during your previous questions aboutthe "I". It simply is conscious of itself as "I am". Not "I am this', "I amthat'; only 'I am'………….But beware" it's not you who has this 'I' consciousness as an object, but thisConsciousness is your real "I"!This pure be-ing 'I am' is the first glimpse of the real "I", the Self, which isby nature Pure Consciousness.When your attention is keen, then you will discover simultanouslythat there is not now and never has been a wrong 'I'. It has alwaysbeen the same 'real I', only your mind has covered it up with theidea which it has about your 'person'.There are other opportunities, when we could experience this pure 'I'consciously. One such is during the tiny gap between two thoughts,when the attention has given up its hold on one thought and not yetcaught the next one. But since we never tried our attention is nottrained this way, and we will hardly succeed in the attempt.There is a better chance to catch it between sleeping and awaking.It is very important to try it, if you are serious in your huntingthe 'I'. Take care of a few conditions: Try at night just before youfall asleep to keep as the last thought your intention to catch asthe first thing of all on waking in the morning the experienceof your true 'I'.Another condition: You should take care not to awaken too abruptlysuch as by an alarm clock, and also not to jump headlong into yourdaily morning routine. The moment you awake, don't stir, but rememberyour intention from last night.You will succeed after a few attempts. And what is possible once evenfor a moment can be extended by practice.This experiment gives you the advantage that you now know theaim of your endeavour. It will help you in your further sadhana likeleavening in the dough.Ramana Maharshi named it the transitional "I" and stressed the importance ofthis experience again and again."The 'I'-thought is only the limited "I". The real "I" is unlimited, universal,beyond time and space. They are absent in sleep. Just from rising up from sleep,and before seeing the objective world, there is a state of awareness which isyour pure Self. That must be known." (Talks, 311)."The Self is pure consciousness in sleep; it evolves as "I" without the 'this'in the transition stage; and manifests as "I and this" in the waking state. Theindividual experience is by means of "I" only. So he must aim at realization inthe way indicated(i.e., by means of the transitional "I"). Otherwise the sleepexperience does not matter to him. If the transitional "I" be realized thestratum is found and that leads to the goal." (Talks, 314)"I"-thought and 'this' thought are both emanations from the same Light. They arerelated to rajoguna and tamoguna respectively. In order to have the ReflectedLight (pure sattva) from rajas and tamas, it must shine forth as "I"-"I",unbroken by 'this'-thought. This pure state momentarily intervenes between sleepand waiking. If prolonged it is cosmic cosciousness. This is the only passage tothe realisation of the Self-shining Supreme Be-ing."(Talks, 323)"Why is not that pure 'I' realised now or even remembered by us? Because of wantof acquintance with it. It can be recognized only if it is consciouly attained.Therefore make the effort and gain it consciously." (Talks, 314)

This transitional "I" is a moment of pure awareness, which is only aware ofitself as "I", pure Identity in itself. Extanded by practice it becomes turiya,the fourth of the normal states of consciousness, the three others of which arethe waking state, dream and deep sleep.The waking state is consciousness in movement, caused by sense perceptions andthe activities of the mind. In dreaming, consciousness is also moving under theimpact of dream-creations of the mind. In deep sleep, consciousness is at rest,no thoughts, no pictures, no activities of any kind. That means it is pureconsciousness. So it would be Realisation, if we only would know how to becomeaware of it. However we cannot; deep-sleep consciousness is covered up bydullness. But since out of this 'unconsciousness' the transitional "I" can arisein the shape of pure awareness of itself, as has been show, we think there mustbe a bridge between deep sleep and the waking state.There is none, and none is necessary. Actually there is only one awarenessunderlying the three states of consciousness, being their very substance and atthe same time transcending them. It is called turiya, the fourth, in relation tothe 'three states', but in itself turiyatita, 'beyond the fourth'. Because ofthe turiya being the substance of the other three states, we can become aware ofthe transitional "I" and in the same way we can realise turiya as our truenature: Pure awareness, never waking or sleeping, never being born or dying.

............

to be continued

 

~ taken from

Hunting the "I"

By Lucy Cornellsen