KUNJU SWAMI 3 and last

March 7, 2005

Kunju Swami

This concludes the story of Sri Kunju Swami's early life and how he came to settle in Tiruvannamalai with Sri Bhagavan.

SRI BHAGAVAN was sitting alone. I thought it was a great opportunity for me to talk to him freely. I told him about my interest in giving religious discourses, doing japa, and studying Vedanta. I told him that I had not been getting any peace, but the moment I heard about him, I was filled with peace. I also told Sri Bhagavan in Malayalam about how the Swamiji who had taught me Vedanta tried to attain samadhi (conscious death).

Sri Bhagavan listened to everything with a smile. I asked him what I should do to get mental peace. Sri Bhagavan replied, "You have read Kaivalyam. It is clearly stated that if you realize yourself, you will be freed from the cycle of birth and death and be freed from all trouble."

When asked how I could find out who I am, he said, "Find out where thoughts start from." When asked how I should do it, he said, "Turn inward and merge the mind in the heart." After saying this, he fell into his natural silence. Sri Bhagavan's gracious looks were on me. My mental agitation vanished that very moment and I attained a peace and joy that I had not experienced earlier.

As long as I was in the presence of Sri Bhagavan, I enjoyed a blissful experience. Thus I spent the first eighteen days. Because of the gracious presence of Sri Bhagavan, I was able to meditate and attain peace. Suddenly I felt, as I had got the experience, I could now meditate at home without any interruption. I also felt that it was wrong to eat at the Ashrama without doing any service to the Guru. I expressed my desire to return home to Ramakrishna Swami and he agreed to my proposal.

After taking leave of Sri Bhagavan, Ramakrishna Swami and I returned home. We decided to meditate in our homes without talking to others, and we also decided not to see each other. My parents, who were still in the dark about my whereabouts, were delighted to see me. Ramakrishna Swami and I observed silence in our respective homes. My parents were happy that I had come back and did not mind my strange ways.

After a few days, I found it difficult to meditate in the same way I had done before Sri Bhagavan and gradually I became my old restless self. I no longer had peace. I realized my folly of leaving Sri Bhagavan. When I was thus utterly depressed one night Ramakrishna Swami came to my house. What a strange coincidence! His experience was just like mine. We thought for a long time. What a shame! We thought we had reached in a few days that stage which people in the past attained only after great efforts made in the immediate presence of realized souls. We realized our foolishness and the greatness of the presence of Sri Bhagavan. We felt it was pointless to remain at home any longer and decided to leave for Tiruvannamalai on a particular day. I informed my parents of my decision. They were taken aback by this. Despite all their

efforts to make me stay at home, they could not change my mind. I told them that it was good for them as one of their four children would be following the line of sadhus. I could not leave without telling them, "I will be in Tiruvannamalai with Sri Bhagavan. You can come and see me at any time. I will also visit you occasionally." I tried to console them in several ways.

After a couple of days, Ramakrishna Swami and I left our place and arrived in Tiruvannamalai. When Sri Bhagavan saw us, he welcomed us with a smile. We felt happy. When I came the first time, I felt uncomfortable at eating without doing any service to the Guru. Through Bhagavan's grace, this time I was able to serve him in a unique way. Perumal Swami, who used to prepare hot water for Sri Bhagavan's bath, wash his towel and massage his feet, had to go somewhere two days after my arrival. He asked me to do what he had been doing as he considered me a fit person to do service to Sri Bhagavan. He thought that I would do everything properly as I had moved with sadhus since my early childhood. If I had come two days later, I would have lost this golden opportunity. I realized then the significance of what Sri Bhagavan had said when

I visited him for the first time. He had pointed to me and said to his mother, who was lamenting over the death of Annamalai Swami, that I had come in his place. I was deeply touched by the solicitude and graciousness of Sri Bhagavan who made use of my services.

Once I asked Sri Bhagavan why I lost the experience I had gained earlier in his presence when I went back home. He said that the answer to the question is given in eleven verses of Kaivalyam. He picked up the book and read them out and then explained to me at great length the purport of these verses. They relate to the doubt raised by the disciple about the need to continue spiritual practices even after one has had the supreme experience. The disciple wonders whether the spiritual experience once gained could be lost. The Guru says that it would be until he took care to practice sravana, manana, and nididhyasana, that is, 'hearing' from the Guru the Truth, 'reflecting' over it and 'assimalating' it. The experience would occur in the presence of the Guru, but it would not last. Doubts would arise again and again and in order

to clear them the disciple should continue to study, think and practise. This should be done until the distinction of knower, the object of knowledge and the act of knowing no longer arise. I decided to stay always by Bhagavan's side and to practice sravana, manana and nididhyasana.

I can never forget the wonderful experience of being drawn to Tiruvannamalai by Sri Bhagavan.

From

THE MAHARSHI

May/June 1993

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