choked with tears in Bhagavan’s Presence

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Day by Day with Bhagavan________5-6-45 AfternoonMyself, Harindranath Chattopadhyaya, G.V. Subbaramayyaand T. P. Ramachandra Aiyar were sitting in the front row justopposite Bhagavan in the hall and G.V.S. said to H.C. "I recentlycame across a typed copy of some of your verses made atAurobindo Ashram, with Sri Aurobindo's notes on the marginhighly commending some verses." Thereupon H.C. toldBhagavan, "I stayed at Aurobindo's Ashram for two years and Ithen made about 4000 sonnets and a poem of 50,000 lines plusother poetry." Apparently the fact that H.C. had been atAurobindo's Ashram before for two years was news to Bhagavan,though it was not to some of us. This is the third visit of H.C. toBhagavan. H.C. then gave us a recitation of two of his earliestpoems and one out of those made at Pondicherry. They are givenbelow. Bhagavan enjoyed the recitation.THE EARTHEN GOBLET(A conversation between the poet and the goblet)"O silent goblet! red from head to heel,How did you feelWhen you were being twirledUpon the Potter's wheelBefore the Potter gave you to the world?"I felt a conscious impulse in my clayTo break awayFrom the great Potter's handThat burned so warm.I felt a vastFeeling of sorrow to be castInto my present form.Before that fatal hourThat saw me captive on the Potter's wheelAnd cast into this crimson goblet-sleep,I used to feelThe fragrant friendship of a little flowerWhose root was in my bosom buried deep.The Potter has drawn out the living breath of me,And given me a form which is the death of me;My past unshapely natural state was best,With just one flower flaming through my breast.PITCHERS OF CLAYOutside the Potter's shop upon the wayIn patient rows we stand, pitchers of clay —Under a copper-clouded sky of goldExpecting every moment to be sold.Although we have no language, yet we feelA bitterness towards the Potter's wheelWhich moulded us, what though without a flaw,To shape, which is against our being's law.Pitchers are beautiful and yet, indeed,Even from beauty we would all be freedAnd, slipping into Earth, secure escapeFrom the enchanted tyranny of shape.Some of us pitchers, tired of being, dropAnd break to pieces in the Potter's shop.Pathetic things! What does the Potter careFor the pale weariness of Earthenware?SHAPER SHAPEDIn days gone by I used to beA potter who would feelHis fingers mould the yielding clayTo patterns on his wheel;But now, through wisdom lately won,That pride has died away,I have ceased to be the potterAnd have learned to be the clay.In other days I used to beA poet through whose penInnumerable songs would comeTo win the hearts of men;But now, through new-got knowledgeWhich I hadn't had so long,I have ceased to be the poetAnd have learned to be the song.I was a fashioner of swords,In days that now are gone,Which on a hundred battle-fieldsGlittered and gleamed and shone;But now that I am brimming withThe silence of the LordI have ceased to be a sword-makerAnd learned to be the sword.In by-gone days I used to beA dreamer who would hurlOn every side an insolenceOf emerald and pearl.But now that I am kneelingAt the feet of the SupremeI have ceased to be the dreamerAnd have learned to be the dream._____After this I asked H.C. to recite before Bhagavan (or ratheract as on the stage) a piece from a play of his in which a docklabourergroaning under his work bursts out into a complaint.H.C. did so and all saw how moving a good recitation can be.After a while H.C. asked Bhagavan, "How is it, Bhagavan, wesometimes feel choked with tears in Bhagavan's Presence?"Bhagavan smiled and kept quiet. I said, "It is a good thing ifone's tears gush forth like that and even of Bhagavan it isrecorded that when he used to go and stand before the image inthe temple at Madura, before he came here, tears used to flowinvoluntarily out of his eyes, not as the result of any joy or pain,but purely out of bhakti." Bhagavan was thereupon kind enoughto add, "Even after coming here such a thing has happened.Even on reading or hearing touching passages from books sucha thing has happened. Apparently a stock of emotional tears islatent in so many of us, so that at any opportune moment, or onthe slightest provocation, they well out without any control onour part." Then Bhagavan narrated, very dramatically as is usualwith him, an incident which occurred when he was about 22and living in the Virupakshi Cave. It seems he was sitting on arock near the cave and a boy of about 8 or 10 years came there,looked at Bhagavan and, not being able to bear the sight ofsuch a young and bright person taking to such a hard life ofpenance, was so moved to compassion that he started to soband sobbed violently for some time. Bhagavan said, "Who couldsay what was the reason for his sobbing and why tears flowedout of him merely at his seeing me?" Bhagavan continued in areminiscent mood later in the day and added that another boy,also about 8 or 10 years old, met Bhagavan another day in hisVirupakshi cave days and took such pity on Bhagavan that thefollowing conversation took place between them. Bhagavan wassitting on a rock near the cave, all alone, and the boy came andmet him there.(to be continued)