A Vaishnavite wedding in the Valley: (Part 2) Reflections on the sundara-kaandam ........

[Guest guest]

Dear friends,

 

While in LA I learnt that Los Angeles's full name is:

 

" El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles

de Porciuncula " .

 

Even for Latinos it's more than a mouthful; not

surprisingly therefore it got abbreviated to 3.63% of

its original size viz: simply " L.A " .

 

Talking of abbreviation, it strikes me that back in

India the typical Tamil Brahmin wedding in the good

old days -- say 40/50 years ago -- used to last for 3

long and leisurely days. Alas, today it too stands

abbreviated -- even bowdlerized, one might say -- to

almost the same level as " LA " : 3.63% of the original.

 

Weddings in Chennai these days have been reduced to

rather tame, business-like, boringly efficient,

mechanical affairs. When you attend one it is plainly

obvious to you most of the guests there have turned up

because they know they are under familial or social

obligation to put in a cursory appearance; and to

return the compliment, the hosts of the wedding too --

both the groom as well as the bride's side

-- are really in a state of nervous hurry to get it

all over with inside of a short day they wished could

be made shorter still.

 

The wedding of my cousin Sow. Kavita Cande (aka

'kandhAdai') in LA however, I discovered was a sweet

contrast to the ones I was all too accustomed to

seeing back in Chennai. It lasted all of 3 full

joy-filled days marked by vibrant variety, lively

music, zestful dance, garrulous gaiety reminiscent of

the leisurely proceedings of a traditional Tamil Sri

Vaishnavite wedding once upon a time I forget how many

years ago...

 

***************

 

I like to think I have a clever little theory that

explains why the Tamil Sri Vaishnavite wedding today

in Chennai is such a dreary, perfunctory affair and

why, in sharp contrast, the community's weddings in

the USA, such as the one I was about to witness in far

away LA, are indeed " so much more fun! " (to use that

all-too-common, all-American term of effusive

exclamation).

 

The average SriVaishnavite wedding today in Chennai

may best be described as what I call a " completely

sub-contracted out event " . India, the pundits say, is

today an " emerging economic super-power " . This has

given a brand new status for Indians in India, one

which they quite like to wear if not flaunt on their

sleeve in all seriousness. It makes them want to look,

feel and remain always " busy " or frantic " 24/7 " . Work

to do, Sir, they say, work, work and work ... and

money to be made too. " So no time, Sir, no time at

all " .... No time therefore these days for the average

SriVaishnavite family or household in Chennai, nor the

energy, to spare for the enormous amount of tedious

nitty-gritty that goes into the planning, organizing,

delivering and celebration of a typical 3-day

SriVaishnavite wedding of the traditional format.

 

So what do they do in Chennai? They " sub-contract " . If

" global outsourcing " , the buzzword of modern business

management everywhere, works indeed for the rest of

the world, it has begun to work for Srivaishnavites

too and nowhere else is the trend more apparent than

in the way they organize and conduct their weddings in

India.

 

The present-day trend in Chennai of outsourcing a

wedding event is virtually wholesale. Every task that

is considered even in remotely " onerous " or " tedious "

is contracted out to agents or " contractor " for a

pre-arranged fee. Caterers, stationers, printers,

janitors, electricians, videographers, priests,

pipers, musicians, stage and interior decorators,

beauticians, hair-dressers, clothiers and fitters,

usherettes, chauffeurs, travel-agents, receptionists,

liveried chefs and servers .... You name it and it can

be done! Every conceivable task that needs to be

accomplished to put a wedding together can now be left

to be handled by a professional " contractor " offering

specialist services in Chennai. Hosts and their

families or friends who have thus " outsourced " the

wedding proudly claim that they didn't have to " move

as much as a finger " for it and yet " it went off all

so grand! " .

 

Beyond dressing up for the occasion in fine silk,

jewels and perfumery, there is hardly any exertion

needed these days for conducting a modern

SriVaishnavite wedding in Chennai. We live in the age

of Globalization. Weddings can now be delivered to

families by professional " contractors " as project

turn-key for a price. It is a bit like pizza being

delivered at your doorsteps.

 

***************

 

By immense contrast I saw in LA that my cousin Sow

Kavita's wedding was a wholly " in-sourced " event!

 

Fortunately, I thought to myself, there are no

" contractors " or professional " event-manager " outfits

operating around Los Angeles (not yet!) with the

requisite expertise or experience in putting together

a typical SriVaishnavite wedding. So necessarily, it

was Dr Sri Cande Sridhar and his gracious wife Dr Smt

Bama Sridhar's family members, who came in from

virtually every part of the USA and Canada, and some

from India as well -- not to mention their very large

circle of neighbourly friends and friendly neighbours

--- who all readily and joyously took it upon

themselves to put a grand show together in the true

spirit of the well-worn Tamil expression (that never

of course stales): " koodi-irundhu kuLirndhu.. aelOr! " .

 

 

Dr Cande Sridhar, bride's father, himself took on the

chore of a one-man reception-committe at LA airport

receiving arriving guests at all hours. He

single-handedly took charge of the decorations of the

large house stringing together festoons and paper

" thOraNam " from atop a house-ladder. Dr Bama with a

band of her friends led the team that did a fantastic

job of preparing the wedding " pandal " complete with

'agni-kundam', " ammi " etc.

 

Sisters, brothers and brothers-in-law operated the

house-kitchen serving out delicious dishes to every

guest that arrived one by one, at all and every hour

of the day and night.

 

Good old " thAthA " marshalled the Malibu Temple

" purOhitar " and the main " vAdhyAr-swAmin " to make sure

the religious side of things went smoothly. In

Chennai, the " contracted " priest is usually quietly

" advised " by the hosts, " Please do not drag on the

ceremonies beyond the hour, Sir! Make it quick with

the " muhurtham " so we can all move on to other

events. " But here in LA I heard good ol' " thAthA " had

drawn the chief-priest aside and advised him rather

sternly, " Please ensure that all the marriage

" mantrAs " and rites are performed in full measure

without compromise. No short-cuts please... " .

 

The ladies of the house themselves got around and

painstakingly did " rangOli " and flower arrangements.

And surprise of all surprises, the bridal couple, Sow

Kavita and Chi Vijay, themselves got involved in

together to sit and down draw up meticulous plans for

the events soon to follow over the next two days!

 

*****************

 

At last in LA, I was glad to see the old joyous spirit

of yester-years back in a SriVaishnavite wedding

ceremony -- a ceremony where intense family involvment

was once the hall-mark. I was happy to see that for

the " kandhAdai " , " maadabushi " , " kadaambi " etc. clans,

who yet were first-generation immigrants in the USA,

to be gathered together on the occasion was in itself

a celebration of their roots and familial history. And

what better way to celebrate than to roll up one's

sleeves and lend one's shoulder to the proceedings?

 

It was their collective enthusiasm, good cheer,

energy, involvement and camaraderie that truly lifted

the spirit of the occasion to soaring heights and

turned " los-angelessil tirumaNam " into a

SriVaishnavite wedding as it really ought to be: A

wedding of the family, by the family and for the

family!

 

(to be continued)

***************************

 

dAsan,

Sudarshan

 

 

 

 

 

Warm Regards,

Sudarshan

 

" A life is perhaps worth nothing; but nothing certainly is worth as much as

life " .

(Andre Malraux)

 

 

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