A Vaishnavite wedding in the Valley: (Part 3) Reflections on the sundara-kaandam ........

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This posting is being re-sent to the lists. Due to

some technical glitch I think the earlier version

posted today was received truncated. SOrry for the

inconvenience.

Regds, daasan, Sudarshan MK

 

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Dear friends,

 

The way a community conducts its wedding ceremony, and

holds celebrations, can reveal quite a lot about its

cultural past, present and future. To a really

discerning witness, simply following how a wedding

event takes place can be an object lesson in social

anthropology and history. The grand wedding I held in

Los Angeles -- at which to be a family-guest I had

happily chosen to travel thousands of miles -- the

wedding was, for me at least, a lesson of sorts,

though I confess I am an historian or anthropoligst of

only the pedestrian sort.

 

To me my cousin Sow Kavita Cande's ( " KandhAdai " )

wedding in LA seemed to mirror, more or less

accurately, what I fancifully choose to describe as

the " State of the SriVaishnavite Union " (a

parliamentary expression borrowed from the rather

beleaguered and eroded institution of the American

Presidency circa 2007). If I could study closely and

draw some lessons and conclusions from the wedding

proceedings, I thought to myself, I could perhaps also

prepare and deliver (privately to myself more than to

anyone else) a kind of presidential " state of the

union " address summing up the state of the

SriVaishnavite society or community at large as it

lives and breathes today.

 

***************

 

In the " State of the SriVaishnavite community " (I

hesitate to call it " Union " for reasons that will be

obvious to the well-informed), the marriage event in a

family was always the product of what may be called

two great Forces. These two Forces, on the one hand,

acted harmoniously together and yet, at times, seemed

to be severely opposed to or even mutually exclusive

of each other. I call the forces " Force 1 " and " Force

2 " .

 

" Force 1 " is the force of strict, solemm religious

(ritualistic) tradition. " Force 2 " is what I call the

secular force.

 

The first Force looks upon the purpose of a wedding

ceremony as primarily sacrosanctifying a human

contract between bride and groom and their respective

families where each commits to the other a lasting

lifetime bond. So the emphasis here is always on

strict and extensive adherence to age-old Vedic rites

and customs of the wedding altar viz.: the

" vivAha-sUtrAs " that solemnized weddings.

 

The second Force, on the other hand, being rather

secular in outlook regards weddings as primarily an

occasion for individual celebration and communal

festivity. The emphasis here is far less on ritual and

far more on creating a happy and memorable occasion

for social or familial bonding.

 

While " Force 1 " is keen to stress upon the purely

ritual content of the wedding as the main purpose of

the event, Force 2, on the other hand, is keen to

stress upon fun and frivolity to be the chief purpose

of the occasion. While the first Force seeks to add an

air of stern 'gravitas' to the wedding ceremony, the

second Force seeks to create an all-round atmosphere

of light-heartedness, romance and 'joie-de-vivre' for

the occasion.

 

***************

 

The 2 forces both harmonize and collide with each

other. When they harmonized, they produced some of

sentimentally the most beautiful and symbolically the

most powerful of wedding sacraments that have been

observed, practised and handed down the centuries in

our rich and ancient culture. But when they collided

with each other they ended up encroaching upon each

other's rightful space on the sacramental platform of

a typical SriVaishnavite marriage; and the result

either was all the romance and fun going out of a

wedding event or else, the wholesale abandonment of

age-old marriage rites and customs as being too

" meaningless " , " outdated " or " irrelevant " .

 

There are a number of sequences, for example, in the

SriVaishnavite wedding-event that are true testimony

to that beautiful blending of strict religious ritual

and lively romantic sentiment which we may indeed

describe as the perfect harmonizing of Force 1 and

Force 2, so to say. The " maalai maathal " (exchange of

garlands between bride and groom), " oonjal " (the

bridal swing ceremony), " maapiLai-azhaippu " and

" kaasi-yaathirai " ( " the groom sulking off in huff to

Kasi on a pilgrimage and being entreated back to the

wedding-altar by the bride's family " ) etc. are all

wonderful examples of stern ritual tradition and

frivolous social gaiety co-habiting happily on the

sacramental platform of SriVaishnavite matrimony. IN

these sequences, it is not solemn and sacred " vaideeka

mantras " alone (being chanted by the officiating

brahmin-priests) that are central to the proceedings

but equally high in profile and significance are the

charming songs, dance and romantic frolicking (engaged

in by family ladies, guests and children) that are

also attendent on the same event.

 

On the flip side, when wholly secular " Force 2 "

outguns and overshadows the strictly ritualistic

" Force 1 " (as it seems to be is increasingly the trend

these days in modern SriVaishnavite community), the

wedding ceremony is robbed off all its solemn and

sacred grandeur. Instead it gets turned into a sort

burlesque parody of ancient marriage customs, all in

the name of and for the sake of adding " Fun " to the

event. The most glaring and brazen example of this

kind of " colliding " of the " Forces 1 & 2 " that I have

seen today in some of the SriVaishnavite weddings,

both in India and abroad are: e.g. the garish

stage-settings, the blaring music-bands, the tumult

and glitter of ladies flashing and catwalking about in

'haute-couture' fashion-costumes and

costume-jewellery, the cock-tail party being held in

the side somewhere, the men's quarters where a serious

game of poker is in progress and lots of big fireworks

going off somewhere in the background....

 

*************

 

Historically and traditionally, it was gender that

divided the proponents of Force 1 and Force 2 amongst

the SriVaishnavite community.

 

While the menfolk were bent upon enforcing the

strictly ritualistic " Force 1 " template upon the

SriVaishnavite wedding, the women-folk tried to always

sought to create, in a certain welcome and wholesome

proportion, the merry secular atmosphere ushered in by

" Force 2 " into the marriage proceedings.

 

(to be continued)

***************************

 

dAsan,

Sudarshan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Warm Regards,

Sudarshan

 

" A life is perhaps worth nothing; but nothing certainly is worth as much as

life " .

(Andre Malraux)

 

 

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