Of Inlaws and Outlaws--II

[Guest guest]

Srimate Srivan Satakopa Sri Vedanta Desika Yatindra Mahadesikaya nama:

 

 

 

Of In laws and Outlaws-Part II

 

 

 

We saw in the last article how the Lord can boast of such

distinguished fathers-in-law as Janaka Maharaja, Sri Vishnuchitta, Samudra Raja,

et al and the unique relationship that He enjoyed with them. In this piece,

shall we look at how the Divine Consort fares with Her father-in-law?

 

 

 

As in the case of the Lord, let us first consider the Ramavatara

and whether it has anything to offer on the subject of relations between women

and their in-laws.

 

 

 

The scene is the forecourt of the Ayodhya palace. A huge crowd,

consisting of the Emperor, his wives, courtiers, Kulaguru Vasishtta, and the

proletariat has assembled, to watch Sri Rama, Sri Sita and Sri Lakshmana take

leave of everyone, headed for a long and potentially dangerous jungle sojourn.

The atmosphere is heavy with grief and sorrow at the parting, most of those

assembled wondering whether Dharma was really extant, with its sincere votary

receiving such a raw deal, having to languish away in the dense forests instead

of reigning over Ayodhya as was His inalienable and hereditary right. The only

person to derive comfort from the happenings was Kaikayee, who had secured the

kingdom for her beloved Bharata and ensured the banishing of his rival to the

throne for fourteen long years, from which the latter may or may not return,

considering the innumerable pitfalls that lay in wait for Him in the dense

woods.

 

 

 

Kaikayee, the personification of the stereotype, draconian mother-in-law, did

not specifically ask for the banishment of Sita too, for she knew full well that

if Rama went, then so would Sita go. However, she did have a niggling doubt as

to whether Sita would be compelled by Rama and others to stay back, in which

case she could become a potential rallying force for all pro-Rama elements in

Ayodhya (and there was no dearth of them) and become a threat to Bharata's

reign. Now that the trio (Rama, Sita and Lakshmana) had assembled for

leave-taking, Kaikayee breathed easy, secure in the conviction that the last

threat to her son's ascendance had been removed.

 

 

 

However, not content with having inflicted a deadly blow on Daasarathi, Kaikayee

hastens to derive as much pleasure out of the affair as she can. She personally

orders dresses made of tree bark, for the trio to wear and she first hands over

the same to Sri Rama, who does not bat an eyelid and wears the dress with élan,

as does Lakshmana. Scaling the height of cruelty, Kaikayee next calls Sita and

gives Her the two-piece dress made of grass and tree bark. Having worn nothing

but the best of clothes, of silk and similar material, Sita is bewildered as to

how the aboriginal dress should be worn. Trying to drape first one and then the

other piece of the dress over Herself, Sita is unable to get the hang of wearing

the dress of Kusa grass and helplessly looks at Her husband for assistance. And

Sri Raghava, never one to fail His beloved, shows Her how it is to be worn, by

draping the same over Sita's dress.

 

 

 

The long-suffering and disciplined citizens of Ayodhya, who had not voiced their

resentment at the banishment of Sri Rama in any demonstrative fashion, rebel at

the Princess of Mithila being told to wear clothes which were totally

inappropriate for Her and let their feelings in the matter be known to the

Sovereign in no uncertain terms, as does Kulaguru Vasishtta, abusing Kaikayee

roundly in the process. However, even with all this opposition to Sri Mythily

being asked to wear dresses of grass like an aboriginal, Kaikayee shows no signs

of relenting.

 

 

 

As a classic example of the father-in-law trying to set right wrongs perpetrated

by the mother-in-law, Dasaratha tells Kaikayee firmly that Sita should not be

allowed to go to the forests, dressed in grass and tree bark- " Kaikayee! Kusa

cheerena na Sita gantum arhati " . " Such a delicate and fragile young girl, used

only to the best of apparel and comforts, is definitely not fit to be sent to

the jungle " says the Chakravarthy. " I will not allow the daughter of Janaka

Maharaja to go the woods dressed like a mere hunter woman. If She at all goes of

Her own volition, let Her go in all comfort and dressed like the Princess that

She is " rules Dasaratha with unusual firmness, telling Kaikayee that sending

Sita to the forests, that too dressed poorly, was definitely not part of the

boons Kaikayee had sought from him earlier. " You may have some imaginary grouse

against Rama: but what harm did this innocent girl, a mere infant, do to you to

deserve such cruel treatment? " enquires Dasaratha of Kaikayee, who still sports

a stony face.

 

 

 

It is here that Dasaratha displays his boundless affection for his

daughter-in-law. Unable to bear the sight of Sita in the austere garb and of his

beloved sons bereft of their princely wear, Dasaratha simply swoons and is out

for a long time. Regaining his consciousness, the grief-stricken emperor

immediately orders trusted Sumantara to go to the royal treasury and bring the

costliest and grandest of female attire, gems, jewels and precious stones of all

sorts and insists on Sita decking Herself in all of them before She leaves for

the forest. Sita obeys meekly, dons all the finery gifted by Dasaratha, and

shines like fire, the jewels and dresses battling vainly to enhance Her natural

beauty.

 

 

 

Consider! Whither the mother-in-law Kaikayee who wishes to see Sita in tatters

and whither the father-in-law Dasaratha who refuses to see Her in anything but

the finest of apparel and ornaments!

 

 

 

And when the time draws close for its departure, the jungle-bound trio falls at

the feet of Dasaratha and his wives, seeking their blessings for a safe sojourn

in the forests. While Kaikayee predictably stands unmoved, Dasaratha excels

again with his words and deeds. When Sita prostrates before the embattled

emperor, he locks Her in a fatherly embrace and sheds true tears of sorrow,

feeling as much grief at parting with Her, as with Rama. Due perhaps to his own

experience, Dasaratha makes quite a few uncomplimentary references to women in

general (which I shall diplomatically skip) and pleads with Sita not to belittle

Rama in any way, now that He has been transformed from being the Prince of

Ayodhya to a mere jungle-dweller. Dasaratha's words of wisdom showered on Sita

in particular, but meant for women as a whole, are indeed worth their weight in

gold. For those who are interested, I would suggest a perusal of the 39th

chapter of the Ayodhya Kaandam. The conversation between father-in-law and

daughter-in-law is at once illuminating, enlightening and emotional, couched in

the most beautiful of words and portraying one of the most poignant scenes in

Sitaayaa: Charitam mahat. Sri Mythily, true to Her upbringing, tells Her

father-in-law with hands folded in respect, that he need entertain no fear about

Her conduct towards Rama and that She would abide by Dasaratha's advice in

letter and spirit- " Karishye sarvam evaaham aaryaa yat anusaasti maam " . In one

of Her most uplifting speeches, Sita tells Dasaratha that the husband is indeed

God personified for women- " Streenaam bharthaa hi daivatam " . What benefits a

woman derives from her father, mother or from her son is definitely little,

compared to what she gets from her husband-

 

 

 

" Mitam dadaati hi pitaa mitam maataa mitam suta:

 

amitasya hi daataaram bhartaaram kaa na poojayet "

 

 

 

Just as a Veena doesn't generate music without its strings, just as a vehicle

doesn't roll without wheels, a woman doesn't attain comfort and pleasure without

her husband, even if she is blessed with a hundred good children, avers Sita-

 

 

 

" Na atantree vaadyate Veenaa na achakro vartate ratha:

 

na apati: sukham edheta yaa syaat api sataatmajaa "

 

 

 

These wonderful words of Janaki, reaffirming Her devotion to Sri Rama despite

the dramatic decline in His fortunes, fill the eyes of not only Dasaratha but

also Kousalya with tears. Valmiki says these were tears of both joy and

sorrow-joy at having been blessed with such an affectionate and righteous

daughter-in-law, and sorrow at having to part with Her for fourteen long

years- " Suddha sattvaa mumochaasu sahasaa du:kha harshajam "

 

 

 

Even after Sri Mythily leaves for the jungle, Dasaratha keeps shedding tears,

thinking time and again as to how the young and delicate Sita would suffer in

the jungles, Her small and dainty feet repeatedly pierced by stones and thorns,

how entirely and painfully different a jungle sojourn would be for the Princess

of Mithila, unused to anything but the most comfortable way of life. How

frightened would She feel at the baying of wolves in the dark night, laments

Dasaratha. Kousalya's heart too brims over with sorrow at the thought of the

Vaidehi being banished to the forests in the prime of Her youth, when She ought

to have enjoyed all that life had to offer, subsisting on mere fruits and roots

and having only trees for a roof, while all the comforts of a princely life were

Hers by right. Sita's other mother-in-law, Sumitra, while consoling Kousalya,

pays Sita the ultimate tribute, likening Her to Sri Mahalakshmi- " When Sita, who

is veritably Mahalakshmi, accompanies Rama, He would definitely not lack for

anything nor would anything be unattainable for Him " says Sumitra- " Sita iva

anugataa Lakshmee: tasya kim naama durlabham "

 

 

 

It is this boundless affection showered on Sita by Her father-in-law that

prompts Her to introduce Herself to strangers as the daughter-in-law of

Dasaratha- " Snusha Dasarathasyaaham " . It is commonplace for women, even married

ones, when an introduction is sought, to project themselves as the daughter of

so-and-so; thereafter, they may furnish additional information about their

husbands: but none would offer a primary introduction as the daughter-in-law of

so-and- so. It goes to Sri Mythily's credit that despite having an extremely

distinguished Emperor for Her father and a husband of renown in Sri Rama, She

considers Herself and prefers to speak of Herself as the daughter-in-law of

Dasaratha, first and foremost.

 

 

 

And this affection of Dasaratha for his daughter-in-law is no flash in the pan,

but an enduring and abiding emotion, which began the day She was married to

Rama. In fact, contrary to the popular belief that Sita was won by Rama as a

prize for His valour, Sri Valmiki tells us that it was Dasaratha who made the

formal and final choice of Sita as His daughter-in-law. In trying to ascertain

the reasons for Rama's boundless love for Sita, Valmiki arrives at the

conclusion that it was because She was chosen by and was extremely dear to

Dasaratha- " Priyaa tu Sita Ramasya daaraa: pitru kritaa iti " .

 

 

 

One can probably go on writing volumes about fathers-in-law-it just needs some

more research. However, one of my regular correspondents, (who favours me with

her opinion about my articles straight from the shoulder), tells me it is time I

wrote a nice piece about mothers-in-law, if only to atone for my uncomplimentary

references to them. I suppose I will have to do it-however, I shall be glad if

someone helps me in this daunting task.

 

 

 

Srimate Sri LakshmiNrisimha Divya paduka sevaka SrivanSatakopa Sri Narayana

Yatindra Mahadesikaya nama:

 

dasan, sadagopan