Guest guest Posted September 17, 2007 Report Share Posted September 17, 2007 Hi all... This may sound weird, but I'm almost out of self-directive capabilities. My house, when I'm alone, is actually a nice little place. The second my step-father or sister get home, the energy changes. It's like an abyss that surrounds me and sucks out all my feeling and drive. When I meditate, even if I was centering before they come home, I lose my center and cannot retrieve it even before I hear the door open upstairs. I know it's not some psycosymatic thing where I just dislike him, however I'm starting to really dislike him. I'll sit down and prepare for Adi Mantra and while doing long breathing I hear things like " stay away from my... " and then I lose center and start to feel really empty and tense and I'll clear past that then I'll get angry and sad. Last night I sat there for 20 minutes trying to regain myself and started to get past all the static just to hear things like " You're going to do what you're told " and other things that he's never said to me but that explain all this loss of self to me. During Sat Kirya emotions will come up like fear, anger, sadness, victory, and then they'll repeat all in the course of just 30 seconds. This happens every second of my life while I'm in his presence. It's like... I break through the emotionless barrier during KY just to immediatly re-enter it. It's like he's suffocating me but we barely even talk. We did have a rough time in my early years and he admits that we are just totally different people and he feels we're incompatible. I'd love for him to sit down and realize we are all one in the same and that love is something to carry with you in every situation. He never felt that way ever. Always nit picking and putting others down to build himself up. I really feel like I hate him. But I don't, because I love him like a brother and another me. I just can't get past all this ******* **** that is in my head when ever he is anywhere near me. Any help is appreciated. I just don't know what to do... I'm pretty sure it's me. It seems to be getting better as I push through it. His emotions are becomming more and more condensed (he gets angry more and more often) but they no longer take place in situations where they hurt others, they just destroy happy feelings. It's like joy runs from me when I'm at my house... Thanks for anything =\ Thanks for everything. Blessings on the group and gurus. Love, Chad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 17, 2007 Report Share Posted September 17, 2007 Chad, I've been in a similar situation like that. Is there anyway that you could move on and move out? You have such a great attitude and you are doing your best to be above and beyond it,but you are struggling. You sound very mature,maybe it's not physically possible to have your own place, but I would think about it for your own sanity. Peace, Nettie - Chad Furman Kundaliniyoga Monday, September 17, 2007 9:46 AM Kundalini Yoga My house... Hi all... This may sound weird, but I'm almost out of self-directive capabilities. My house, when I'm alone, is actually a nice little place. The second my step-father or sister get home, the energy changes. It's like an abyss that surrounds me and sucks out all my feeling and drive. When I meditate, even if I was centering before they come home, I lose my center and cannot retrieve it even before I hear the door open upstairs. I know it's not some psycosymatic thing where I just dislike him, however I'm starting to really dislike him. I'll sit down and prepare for Adi Mantra and while doing long breathing I hear things like " stay away from my... " and then I lose center and start to feel really empty and tense and I'll clear past that then I'll get angry and sad. Last night I sat there for 20 minutes trying to regain myself and started to get past all the static just to hear things like " You're going to do what you're told " and other things that he's never said to me but that explain all this loss of self to me. During Sat Kirya emotions will come up like fear, anger, sadness, victory, and then they'll repeat all in the course of just 30 seconds. This happens every second of my life while I'm in his presence. It's like... I break through the emotionless barrier during KY just to immediatly re-enter it. It's like he's suffocating me but we barely even talk. We did have a rough time in my early years and he admits that we are just totally different people and he feels we're incompatible. I'd love for him to sit down and realize we are all one in the same and that love is something to carry with you in every situation. He never felt that way ever. Always nit picking and putting others down to build himself up. I really feel like I hate him. But I don't, because I love him like a brother and another me. I just can't get past all this ******* **** that is in my head when ever he is anywhere near me. Any help is appreciated. I just don't know what to do... I'm pretty sure it's me. It seems to be getting better as I push through it. His emotions are becomming more and more condensed (he gets angry more and more often) but they no longer take place in situations where they hurt others, they just destroy happy feelings. It's like joy runs from me when I'm at my house... Thanks for anything =\ Thanks for everything. Blessings on the group and gurus. Love, Chad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 18, 2007 Report Share Posted September 18, 2007 Dear Chad: First the fact that you dislike your step father is not his problem, it is yours... and it is only a problem if you don't see it as a goldmine! If you dislike something it only means you are disconnecting yourself from it. You are not one with it. So stop asking him to realize we are all one! The split is in you! It may also be in him but that's nothing you can control! So just sit in meditation and allow yourself to let your body feel everything there is to feel about your step father, all the sensations you feel about your step father. Just feel until there is nothing left to be felt. Do not fear this experience. At the end of it you will see, that what you have a problem with is a part of you. Do the same about your sister. Just sit in meditation and experience every aspect of what your body can feel in relation to your sister. You may need to do this in several sittings, or not. If you get stuck, or don't quite see what I mean, or get an experience you don't know how to integrate... please write back! Best wishes and blessings! Awtar Singh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 18, 2007 Report Share Posted September 18, 2007 Dear Chad, Years ago a woman came to one of my classes and asked what she could do about a man who was doing roofing on her house. He really annoyed her. I told her to do what Yogi Bhajan taught us. Repeat " God bless --- in the name of Guru Ram Das. " And keep repeating it. Two days later I got a phone call from her. " Who is this Guru Ram Das dude? This really works! " I suggest that you add this mantra to your thoughts on a regular basis and especially when you feel negativity and while doing the exercise that Awtar suggested. Outside help is very useful. You can add " God bless sister, yourself and simply " God bless us in the name of Guru Ram Das. " And here is another story. I can't remember the name of the teacher but it was someone like the Dali Lama or Yogananda or someone else. He asked his students what should someone do if they were in a similar situation as yours. Although I think the person was being bothered by continuous loud noise. Everyone one had all these spiritual suggestions on how he should deal with the situation. At the end, the teacher said the answer was that the person should simply move. When we deal with our challenging situations with some type of compassion. i.e. understanding the pain that your father in law and sister must be in, instead of judgment, then we can find peace in our own heart. This healing inside us can either open up the space of things to change or open up an opportunity to move. The important thing is that we have some type of healing ourselves or we may attract a similar situtation elsewhere. And always know, " There is a pathway through every problem. " Do let us know how this all unfolds. Blessings, Guru Rattana :+) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2007 Report Share Posted September 20, 2007 Thankyou everyone! Over the last few days my life has become something amazing. Charity starts at home, as my friend says. I know not what happened, nor where it's going, but where I am could not be better. I said I love you to my step-father in a casual manner for the first time two days ago. Granted, it kind of slipped out and felt awkward, but he responded " have a good day buddy " in an equally unexpected tone. I've been on this path my whole life and nobody could have shown me. I feel like I've been lonely forever, but we're never alone. When our family is happy, when our home is at peace, when our soul is comfortable it all starts to fall into place. Thanks everyone! From Ascended Master Saint Germain, Guru Ram Das, Yogi Bhajan, Guru Rattana, Jon, and everyone else on this list. Now to disipline myself to become successful in my journey. Yoga for life! Sat Nam, blessings on all! love chad =) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2007 Report Share Posted September 20, 2007 Dear Chad, Your letter brought tears to my eyes. Amazing what opening our heart to love and sharing it can do. Blessings to you, your step Dad and your sister. Years ago someone asked Yogi Bhajan if he could move to another ashram. He was having alot of difficulty in his current residence. Yogi Bhajan told him, " You will have to take yourself with you. " He did not move. I had the thought, if you move you would WANT to take your step dad with you. It feels like you love and help each other much more than you each know yet. Blessings, Guru Rattana :+) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2007 Report Share Posted September 21, 2007 Chad, I am sooo happy to hear things are looking better for you. You sound so wise and mature. My thoughts are with you. Dee Chad Furman <cybarc wrote: Thankyou everyone! Over the last few days my life has become something amazing. Charity starts at home, as my friend says. I know not what happened, nor where it's going, but where I am could not be better. I said I love you to my step-father in a casual manner for the first time two days ago. Granted, it kind of slipped out and felt awkward, but he responded " have a good day buddy " in an equally unexpected tone. I've been on this path my whole life and nobody could have shown me. I feel like I've been lonely forever, but we're never alone. When our family is happy, when our home is at peace, when our soul is comfortable it all starts to fall into place. Thanks everyone! From Ascended Master Saint Germain, Guru Ram Das, Yogi Bhajan, Guru Rattana, Jon, and everyone else on this list. Now to disipline myself to become successful in my journey. Yoga for life! Sat Nam, blessings on all! love chad =) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2007 Report Share Posted September 21, 2007 .... how you feel about your stepdad is something I had been going through with my dad and mom (I live with my dad, not my mom)... I actually had a dream where I had said I " hate " him... I know I don't but the feeling got so strong... I just want to clear it. Kundaliniyoga , " Chad Furman " <cybarc wrote: > > Hi all... > > This may sound weird, but I'm almost out of self-directive capabilities. My > house, when I'm alone, is actually a nice little place. The second my > step-father or sister get home, the energy changes. It's like an abyss that > surrounds me and sucks out all my feeling and drive. When I meditate, even > if I was centering before they come home, I lose my center and cannot > retrieve it even before I hear the door open upstairs. > > I know it's not some psycosymatic thing where I just dislike him, however > I'm starting to really dislike him. I'll sit down and prepare for Adi > Mantra and while doing long breathing I hear things like " stay away from > my... " and then I lose center and start to feel really empty and tense and > I'll clear past that then I'll get angry and sad. Last night I sat there > for 20 minutes trying to regain myself and started to get past all the > static just to hear things like " You're going to do what you're told " and > other things that he's never said to me but that explain all this loss of > self to me. > > During Sat Kirya emotions will come up like fear, anger, sadness, victory, > and then they'll repeat all in the course of just 30 seconds. This happens > every second of my life while I'm in his presence. It's like... I break > through the emotionless barrier during KY just to immediatly re- enter it. > > It's like he's suffocating me but we barely even talk. We did have a rough > time in my early years and he admits that we are just totally different > people and he feels we're incompatible. I'd love for him to sit down and > realize we are all one in the same and that love is something to carry with > you in every situation. He never felt that way ever. Always nit picking > and putting others down to build himself up. I really feel like I hate > him. But I don't, because I love him like a brother and another me. I just > can't get past all this ******* **** that is in my head when ever he is > anywhere near me. > > Any help is appreciated. I just don't know what to do... I'm pretty sure > it's me. It seems to be getting better as I push through it. His emotions > are becomming more and more condensed (he gets angry more and more often) > but they no longer take place in situations where they hurt others, they > just destroy happy feelings. It's like joy runs from me when I'm at my > house... > > Thanks for anything =\ Thanks for everything. Blessings on the group and > gurus. > > Love, Chad > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2007 Report Share Posted September 22, 2007 iliveincolor wrote: > > ... how you feel about your stepdad is something I had been going > through with my dad and mom (I live with my dad, not my mom)... I > actually had a dream where I had said I " hate " him... I know I don't > but the feeling got so strong... I just want to clear it. > > Hi =) > > I cleared it by practicing the mantra " Bless us all in the name of > guru Ram Das " It was a hard step, as I harbor alot of negativity > towards him for a multitude of reasons. However, I found once I > started with the positives, forced as they were, I was able to break > past the wall. > > This has allowed me to stay centered more effectivly, so I hope it > also works for you! > > Blessings > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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