pain of seperation update and group energy request

[Guest guest]

Sat Nam!

 

 

 

Dear Guru Rattana and group members.

 

 

 

Update: The individuation and separation continues as does the

schizophrenic mind. It seems to be getting worse as does some of the

habituations I have had since I was a baby.

 

 

 

I feel like I am at the end of my rope.

 

 

 

I am trying to be neutral and not emotional and the Aries in me is having

fun with these emotional upheavals right now.

 

 

 

Background and catch up: Found Kundalini a year ago. Found my now

fiancé’ about the same time. Guru Dev Singh (the Satnamrasayan Master)

latest mediations for me include one to help aide the separation I am

working through as a 38 year old male (from Mother – who else). I have

never wanted to grow up (no root chakra) and so it is reflected in my

neediness for a woman to care for me and also my financial debt though I

have many credentials and skills. (The private practice is SLOWLY growing –

and the debt will hopefully cap very soon).

 

 

 

My fiance’ has been at Kundalini and Satnamrasayan for 7-8 years and has

helped me tremendously. The hardest part is the distance we need now as I

mature, get rooted and self identified. We are committed and it also hurts

like hell. My mental intrigues based on my “STUFF” often makes her out to

be bad and mean. I am also VERY hard on myself. I also love myself for the

first time but more often than not am dissociated from my body emotionally

and energetically. It is so painful for my soul, which I feel crying inside

when I let my intrigues get me or succumb to old habituations rather than

give it space and light.

 

 

 

I try so hard to find that neutral space and also try so hard to love myself

and be neutral but I am at the end of my rope. And I HATE having to vent to

the group – My destiny is to be a spiritual fork lift not an emotional dump

truck. I do my yoga and meditations – sometimes not as long as I should and

I feel like I will never get there. Where? To a place of peace and

light. I know its in me but for the most time have not a clue.

 

 

 

This next 2 months may see me without a dime in the bank due to the years of

rootlessness and now that I am refusing to charge so many things on credit

cards. Crying to work is not a favorite thing of mine nor is spending the

night dissociating from reality instead of relaxing or tuning in or reading.

My life is changing, for the better, but right now I also see and feel my

hopelessness, weaknesses, and hatred for myself and behaviors and mental

intrigues.

 

 

 

Thanks for listening,

 

 

 

Sarabjot SIngh

 

 

 

Marty Kestin, BS, MSW, LMBT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we

created them. " - Albert Einstein

 

_____

 

Guru Rattana [gururattan]

Sunday, July 22, 2007 11:07 PM

Kundaliniyoga

Re: Kundalini Yoga pain of seperation

 

 

 

Dear Marty,

 

Sat Nam!

 

*Thank you for sharing about your work in developing a sense of your own

identity and connection with your soul. You have probably made more progress

than you think. (But it is good not to think too much.:+)

 

The Kundalini sets for the hips and nabhi kriya help tremendously

 

* This is good for people to note.

 

I know why.it is hard work this self identity stuff.. But at 38 I would have

it no other way.

 

* Great spirit shinging through.

 

I cannot manifest my destiny unless I am willing to do the work of changing

and being uncomfortable for a while - how ever long it takes.

 

* Oh so true. But change does happen and it feels so good.

 

Are there any other men out here that are MUCH further down this path than I

who can share their early experiences of this process with the group? I

would love to hear from them.

 

* Ok guys, come forth. :+)

 

Also I am doing the neutral mind meditation: Does anyone have any

experiences with this one that they can share?

 

* Not this one in particular, but any meditation for neutral mind. You can

expedite your progress by paying attention -- listening and looking inside

your head to the neutral space.

 

* There is a space and place that IS neutral. Keep bringing your attention

to this space and to the quality of neutral. It also has all the other male

qualities of stable, permanent, always present, imperturbable.

 

Meditate on and feel these qualities until you can feel that this space is

always available to you and that you can feel it in your body. Focus on this

as much as you can during the meditation and for a few minutes after the

meditation.

 

* This is also how women can cultivate the male polarity in their psyche.

One woman in particular who did this got her emotions stabilzed and

attracted a very different and wonderful partner into her life.

 

* These are the qualities also that women want to feel in men. So men, hold

stable, neutral, imperterbable in your psyche and see what happens.

 

I have been doing it for 6 months and notice I for the first time can

actually, at certain moments, engage the neutral mind and not be reactionary

or emotional.

 

* Good work.

 

The Neutral mind meditation I was given is: the " wa he gu ru " mantra,

silently, focused on 3rd eye with eyes closed, breathe regulates itself,

hand in Buddha mudra.

It is very interesting to see how the development of identity, a root

chakra, and the navel point have everything to do with the ability to

manifest and have prosperity in my life with my relationships, my private

practice, and finances. The universe has not and will not let me receive the

goodies unless I do the work to deserve it :-)

 

* You might want to consider the idea that it is not a question of

deserving. It is a question of becoming conscious. In a higher state of

consciousness you are able to attract what you want much better and to

discriminate, not attract and not choose what you don't want. You are more

at choice.

 

Pain of separation is really the pain of separation from Self. When you hold

the Self in your own consciousness, there is no more separation and no more

pain -- just joy of being YOU.

 

Sat Nam,

 

Guru Rattana

 

 

[Guest guest]

Sarabjot,

 

You have a lot of strength and intention to post!

 

I also have a very similar situation, of separating from my Mother,

after being too dependent and connected with for too long. So many

of the things you mentioned are things I share also, so you are not

alone in these.

I am sure we can both transform our situations, and create growth

from them. It's as easy as strengthening healthy practices and the

momentum and groundwork will come automatically. I'm going to print

out your post actually, it is so helpful for me to reflect on the

things you've shared, to speed up my own efforts I'm taking right

now.

 

Hang in there, and simply focus on what you want to change, and you

can move in that direction in baby steps.

 

Please feel free to email me if you'd like to share support.

 

Sat Nam

Jon