my process of Individuation, seperation, self love, and the ever growing schizophrenic mind of the seperation of the true self and the hidden self's mental intrigues

[Guest guest]

Sat Nam Guru Rattana and group (and Deva).

 

 

 

I re read Devas response to me: thank you again. Self love and releasing

the analytical mind is still happening for me. Thanks.

 

 

 

My process continues and the mind splitting has gotten worse, much worse.

And as Guru Rattana pointed out that my compulsive habits are not increasing

just more aware – oh man are they ever so present at times!

 

 

 

I am doing my best, I am trying to let go at night and just relax into my

body, it’s a process, and the old habis and intrigues still pull me out of

my body, sometimes more powerful than before KY it seems.

 

 

 

I know I am on the side of light and my hidden self will loose this battle

(I must have this hope-not much else to hope for). What keeps me going is

my passion for my work, this connection I am establishing to myself, and

the faith I will be stable enough to marry my fiancé one day. She is an

angel.

 

 

 

I am beginning to talk to the earth mother for support and comfort, thank

you GR for the poem.

 

 

 

I am directing my mind to infinity as YB says to. When I do it works and

then these horrible intrigues come back with such a pounding! The exact

opposite of what I am striving for. Man it hurts..

 

 

 

No one else to talk to about this so sorry guys (and gals) Most likely more

gals than guys here too (LOL) .

 

 

 

The “split” in my thinking is so severe I wonder if I am ever capable of

getting out of this mess. Really..its so bad at times I want to dissolve,

just go away…

 

 

 

I am continuing my path today with some grit and hope..thanks for the groups

existence!..

 

 

 

PS: I do walk the dog every day with a joy and happiness for life, as the

sun rises, the cold air on my freshly shaved cheeks, feel the leaves rustle

under my feet, and laugh at the dog as he spins out of control attacking a

tennis ball I have chuked in the leaves and this makes me wonder just who

is this other person who thinks these crazy thoughts and does all that

dissociation stuff at night??

 

 

 

Sat nam

 

 

 

Sarab jot singh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

" We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we

created them. " - Albert Einstein

 

_____

 

Kundaliniyoga [Kundaliniyoga ]

On Behalf Of Guru Rattana

Tuesday, November 13, 2007 5:36 PM

Kundaliniyoga

Re: Kundalini Yoga Re: Past Life and deep Love REmarks form GR

and AS

 

 

 

Dear Sarabjot Singh,

 

Sat Nam!

 

Thank you for the replies re: my individuation and separation process.

 

I have been reading Guru Rattanas' and Atwar Singhs' posts regarding the

pain of deep love and self love and identity with a tender heart and a

schizophrenic mind. ( I was warned by Guru Dev Singh I would experience this

as I individuate and separate from the " Mother. " )

 

* Yes, you must separate from your attachment to your birth mother and

adoptive mother, but to do so you much connect with the Divine Mother. I

have included below exerpts from an essay poem I wrote in 1995 about this.

This is very important for both men and women.

 

I have increased my neutral mind meditation and it helps a lot!

 

* EVERYONE! Neutral is required for our sanity and evolution. Practice this

EVERY day until it is part of your consciousness.

 

Update: Since Deva's comment of all the negatives I post and learning to

focus on the good stuff and doing more of " allowing space " and breathing,

(this is prt of the neutral mind. So you are making progress.) and saying to

myself after a " bad " thing " But I love you, "

* Good.

 

- I can see some progress and some light in the tunnel (of personal

maturation and my mind).

 

* Great! Feel the satisfaction of making progress.

 

Currently I am trying to allow more space in response to old habituations

and behaviours that seem to, at times, increase in potency. I read a YB

lecture and he says there are 2 of you: The real you, the soul in you that

is part of God so you are perfect as is, then there is the hidden you with

its agenda of not so good things. " most of you do not want to grow up. " YB

 

:+)

 

I feel as if I am waking up (thank God), and the hidden agendas (which are

now not so hidden) have had the volume raised and the colors enhanced. And

self denial should be a 4 letter word - " I know what I

am doing / did is bad for me but I will create a world in my head that will

allow the contiuation of these bad things because the lower brained animal

wanting pleasure and the child not wanting to grow up like it this way. "

 

* The unconscious has to be made conscious in order to change it. So this is

good progress.

 

And the habituations, (Like " picking " ) which Guru Dev describes as a means

of self acknoweldgement - " I am here in this body, " are now at times worse

too.

 

* You are more aware of them now.

 

However I am calmer, more responsive from my head and my heart and not my

lower chakras, and see now the statement " you must surrender to God

and the universe, " is a bit more tangible for me.

 

* Your consciousness is shifting. Give yourself a pat on the back. (or

heart)

 

I have faith that my soul will come through. For goodness sake I am a

therpist, bodyworker, help a lot of people and Trying very hard to wake up

more and more.

 

* Your evolution is part of the evolution of your dharma. We have to

experience things for ourselves before we can share them with others. Then

our space creates the space for others to step into. So perhaps you can drop

" I am a therapist so why am I such a mess " idea and accept all your growth

as part of your training to also help others.

Space for others' healing has to be created. And that is what you are doing.

 

I have stopped wondering if it was the things that happened as a child, or

the adoption issue, or the pain I felt in the womb of theMother who gave me

up, etc.

 

* THere are always experiences -- deep emotional traumas that impact us. The

question is what are we doing to transmute the pain energy into Self/power

energy.

 

All I want is me, now, awake, and not engaging in the crap. And i am a

little more each week -

 

* Awesome.

 

It seems the Universe makes sure we accept who we are and the Karma needing

to be dealt with.

 

* Sure it does. :+)

 

(is there a karma cleanser out there? Like

spic and span..).

 

* Kundalini yoga and meditation. :+)

 

........ I see before me what the deal is...the

identity process is not easy but it --- is what it is.

 

The most promising thing to report is my ability to just be still is

increasing. It is the hardest thing to do, just breathe, surrender, and

relax - but with practice it does develop, the skill to tune in and

surrender.

 

* And that is exactly it. We must practice. With practice transformation

happens. It is a beautiful processs. It is such a wonderful feeling that if

we practice KY with awareness, it is guaranteed that change will happen. It

is such a relief to be able to trust our process.

 

And here are some words from the Mother.

 

Blessings,

Guru Rattana

 

Only the Divine Mother Can Heal Our Wounds

 

by Guru Rattana, Ph.D.

 

February 12, 1995

 

In my pain I ask " Who can help heal my wounds? "

 

In my despair I ask " Where can I go? "

 

In my frenzy I ask " How can I get out of here? "

 

In our fear I plead for refuge.

 

And then one day I sit down and cry.

 

I find myself on the lap of my Mother.

 

I hear her comforting words speak to my heart.

 

I feel her gentle hands touch my body.

 

I let her warm hug pull me into the infinity

 

of her love.

 

In her sweet embrace I realize-

 

Only the love of the Divine Mother can heal my wounds.

 

Only the love of the Divine Mother can fill the pit of anguish.

 

Only the love of the Divine Mother can redirect my apathy and bring me back

to life.

 

Only the arms of the Earth Mother can give me the strength to go on.

 

Only the caring of the Earth Mother can give me the confidence

 

to believe in myself.

 

Only the forgiveness of the Mother can absolve the past.

 

Only the trust of the Goddess Mother can open the door to the future.

 

Only the love of the Goddess Mother that streams toward me

 

without condition

 

without discrimination

 

without stipulations

 

can liberate me from my plight.

 

Only the compassion of her acceptance

 

only the peace of her calm touch

 

only the passion of her life force

 

only the beauty of her grace

 

only the patience of her encouragement

 

can give me the raison d'etre to reach for life once again.