obsessive thoughts, addictions, individuation

[Guest guest]

Sat Nam Marty,

I have been meaning to write to you for some time. I have been

in the AA program for many years - so I am definitely biased in my

response. When you said that you had trouble with AA because the

program regards people as imperfect or defective....(I forget your

exact words), I wanted to reply. I've come to understand alcoholism

as a three-fold disease: physical, emotional and spiritual. I agree

that God creates our souls with perfect light and love. I'm not sure

when my personal experiences altered that perception - but I do know

that I was a very cynical and negative person when I arrived in AA.

The message I recall hearing most frequently was that " they would

love me until I learned to love myself. " I wasn't even absolutely

sure that I was a " true alcoholic " - but once I officially " stopped " -

I was confronted with the reality of my condition - obsession. It's

often repeated in the rooms that it's quite easy to stop drinking -

it's staying stopped that seems to be the problem.

I was first introduced to kundalini yoga in 1973. It was an

amazing experience. The problem was that I was in the midst of my

alcoholism - and completely lacked the discipline to follow through

with it.(or anything else for that matter.) When I finally did get

sober in 1980 - I began taking kundalini yoga classes in Northampton,

MA. I am still basically an undisciplined person. Remaining sober

and attempting to work the l2 steps has allowed me to progress along

a spiritual path. It's only in the last three years that I

successfully adhered to a daily sadhana.

I apologize for rambling. I simply want to share my experience

with you and convey how AA actually enabled me to participate fully

in Kundalini yoga. If you never return to drinking, it will be a

moot point. On the other hand, if you do encounter difficulties, I

hope you can keep an open mind so that you may find additional

support.

As always, I am looking forward to Gururattana's monthly

newsletter - this month's subject is so near and dear to me. She has

said in previous newsletters that our emotions allow us to

communicate with our soul. I have been so tormented at times by my

emotions that it was difficult to imagine that there was a place of

perfect peace anywhere - let alone within me. I am grateful to

report, that I, too have discovered the neutral zone and have

experienced moments of abiding peace. It is nothing less than a

miracle. I thank God for allowing me to live with dignity, health

and joy. I will be forever indebted to the host of teachers in my

life - from the street drunks at meetings who though they never

achieved sobriety, greeted me with kindness and love - to the very

evolved souls who have assisted me in putting my past to rest and

truly living in the present moment.

May God continue to bless you and guide you on your journey.

Sat Nam.

Abinashi