NMB Capricorn and Saturn // Piscis_Aquario

[Guest guest]

Sat nam

Dear Guru Rattana and all,

 

your elaboration on the Aquario archetype are iluminating. Yet, still more

interesting are the positive sides of Piscis that you explain in your latest MNB

letter.

 

Right after your reply on my Capricorn message, I felt a surge of energy for

many days that helped me to be constant with a mini-practice of KY that I´m

still with and that I hope to improve on. I feel a bit more here and orientated

about what I need to do in order to head towards better health. It is a constant

trying of what suits and what not, seeing the results, descarting some remedies

and choosing others.

 

I´ve been experiencing lack of energy (or " drive " ) for many years now. It is

like a constant block to bringing down plans to action and could be related with

events of loss and terror that are brought up by the subconscious. (Though I´ve

been doing Kirtan Kriya for several months, the blog is still persistant.) At

some point I thought it has to do with the Piscis ascendent which would make me

more emotional/sensitive and cost me lots of energy to handle reactions of other

people, their will and defending my own path. Life feels often like a

dreamwalking, and though there are many things that I would be passionate for I

just manage to take the necessary actions to live out the " potential " enthusiasm

that I feel about them.

 

That is how I tended to admire the qualities of Aquario which seemed to me what

I should strive for. Yet, find myself constantly tangled up in some kind of

numbness that holds me back, which on a physical level manifests often as an

inability to breathe and pay prolonged concentration on anything as well as keep

a strong memory of something I am actually interested in knowing.

 

As a matter of fact, every time that I try to dedicate my concentration on

something that is really what I want to do in life, I get anxiety symptoms. It

stresses me totally out, perhaps because during many years I didn´t have the

opportunities that I have now. And now that these opportunities are here, I´m

litterally unable to grab them and make the best of it.

 

The daily practice of tatarak for recovering concentration is helpful, but it

is like baby steps for a mountain of a problem that I don´t know how to

address. I´m scared to realize that I´d have to do hours and hours of KY in

order to regain my energy - yet my schedule is from 8.30 to 22.00 and I´m not

able to add not even a full hour of KY to my day.

 

I´ve long tried to find the cause for being able to get things done, hoping it

would not be the astrological constellations alone.

Now, reading your NMB letter, it looks like my Piscis addiction is " not

managing " with my ego´s " shadow side " rejoicing about it. In my childhood most

of the positive attention I got used to be linked with threats of physical

violence if I failed. For some reason I don´t manage to overcome this memory

while there have been other times in my life when I developed freely successful

activities.

 

After receiving your letter, I really wanted to send you a reply right away. And

again fell into that pattern of being blocked, of wanting but not being able to.

I don´t know what it is. It actually is an obstacle to getting close to beings

who kindly tend their hands.

 

Thank you,

Alice

 

 

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