Desperately Need Help With Feelings After White Tantric

[Guest guest]

I need guidance with a very sensitive subject. I just attended my

first Summer Solstice in Espanola, NM. I participated in the three

days of White Tantric Yoga, which was phenomenal. However, I have a

lot of confusion going on in my head. The eye to eye contact was

extremely intense and intimate for me. I have suffered from a lot of

abuse since an early age - physical, mental & sexual from both my

father and step-father and, abandonment/protection issues when my

mother would not stop the sexual abuse after I told her about it.

Actually, she married the man after I told her what he was doing to

me. I subsequently learned to conceal and protect part of my heart

and soul when I was just a child. I am now 44 and have done a lot of

personal work to deal with the affects of the abuse, but never give

all of myself to anything - even my marriage. I have never even

considered trying to get to the part of me locked away for so long,

because in my mind, I still have some control if this part remains

locked and protected.

 

Well, White Tantric completely blew that out of the water. I feel as

though I am completely opened and unlocked now. Looking into my

partner's eyes connected deep in my soul and somehow he got the keys

to those carefully constructed locks and bars I had errected. I

realize this is fundamentally a good thing. I should be able to have

deeper and more intimate relationships with everyone in my life -

unless I decide to reinstall the bars & chains (perhaps with more

security this time!).

 

My confusion comes in the form of my feeling of attachment to my

White Tantric partner. I feel as though he touched and freed a part

of me not touched in over forty years. I keep thinking about him and

want to be with him. I am a happily married woman and I am having

very sexual thoughts about my White Tantric partner, who is not my

husband. I am feeling very guilty and crying a lot. I have been

doing the recommended 40 day meditation, but am consumed with these

thoughts of my partner. The thoughts are not just wanting to

have " western " sex with him, but rather craving a very spiritual

union that I feel like I can only have with him. I have never had an

affair, although I confess to a little healthy fantasy or two

involving George Clooney. I never thought these kinds of thoughts

would be in my head - especially after an event that is supposed to

release blocks. I was hoping once I got home and saw my husband

again, the intense feelings for my White Tantric partner would

disipate, but that has not happened. I have also started writing a

journal to try to help me get through this time, but I need more

help. I do not have a teacher in this area to talk to about this.

 

I do not want to hurt my husband, so to make sure he does not see any

email related to this topic, I have created a special email for

joining this group. So, feel free to tell me exactly what you

think. This is very overwhelming for me and any guidance from this

group would be very much appreciated.

[Guest guest]

Sat Nam

I'm Suraj Singh From Italy.

If you send me your Name, Surname (necessary) and a photo and some

more personal info (place and date of birth...) (optional), i will

try to help you with some distant Sat Nam Rasayan Treatments.

Previous results have been good.

I propose you 11 days from the day i receive and open your material.

 

I ask you back only a little feedback, which you agree to be showed

to others as you send me, at the end of process, without add or move

a world on it as you'll write me.

 

Everything about your problems will remain secret, and you don't

need to tell me more than what is already written in the

' public text.

 

There is only a condition, that have to be clear : i image that,

through me, universe will remove some blocks, will transform some

problems and conditions, and will move the situation from one to

another, BUT not as I or You desire.

 

Many Blessing

Humbly

Suraj Singh

stefano.baldi

[Guest guest]

Dear Confused, Sat Nam and welcome to the wonderful

world of White Tantric Yoga. I just completed the same

Summer Solstice so I know how you feel. Growth can be

a puzzling thing, especially when it involves as much

history as you have described.

 

First of all, WTY is an elevated form of a

relationship that we all were meant to have with all

of those in our personal lives. The feelings you are

experiencing for your partner are normal BUT it may be

more of a feeling of gratitude to him than love,

sexual or otherwise, for him.

 

During WTY you both explored places deep within

yourselves and who would not want to be with a person

who accompanied us on such a journey. It is obvious

that you feel you have found a " soul-mate " in your WTY

partner. The reality is that we are ALL soul-mates for

each other. WTY is one way to explore that truth. Your

relationship with your husband is now primed for a

deepening. You must take advantage of it. If there was

no way or inclination for him to participate in WTY

with you then you will have to bring that experience

to him. You are obviously loyal and caring to him.

What you have gone through during Summer Solstice can

be transmitted to our partners if we are open and

honest. This does not meant sharing those " sexual "

feelings you may have for your WTY partner. Those are

simply your ego's way of interpreting the experience.

Your second chakra thinks in terms of sex, so ...!

 

Take this self knowledge that you have blessed

yourself with during the WTY meditations and share the

knowledge with your husband. (This does not mean that

you should meditate with your spouse as you did with

your partner. WTY is ONLY to be practiced in the

presence of the Mahan Tantric, of course.) But talk

with him about your discoveries of your self and

encourage him to communicate as deeply as he can about

his own feelings and experiences. You and your mind

are now very sensitve " instruments " of your soul and

you should take advantage of the power you have to

light up your life, especially with your husband.

 

The history of sexual abuse which you so openly shared

needs to be explored as well. I am unsure whether to

need to confront those involved if you have not done

so but you probably do need to forgive them and

yourself of any real or imagined wrongs.

 

(Please understand that you are the only one who can

figure this out and I am merely shouting in a dark

room instructions on how to leave! So forgive me if I

show only the crudest of understanding.)

 

I hope this has helped. WTY is perhaps the most

wonderful inheritance left by Yogi Bhajan and we owe

it to him and ourselves and those in our lives to

fully utilize the tool for our self improvement.

If there is any other way I can help you may contact

me on or off list. I am currently away from home but

am able to check my e mail every few days.

 

Sat Nam and God bless you.

 

(P.S. - Wasn't Solstice fun?)

 

 

 

KartaPurkh S Khalsa

Your job is to deal with everything in life with affection, love and

kindness. --Yogi Bhajan

http://kartapurkhkhalsa.typepad.com/

 

http://kckundaliniyoga.com

 

http://kartapurkh.smugmug.com/

[Guest guest]

Dearest Confused Yogi,

God bless you. Thank you for writing and sharing your challenging

experience and feelings after Solstice. I hope you are continuing or

start doing a strong daily practice to fully integrate your Solstice

experience now, with your marriage and life at home with your

husband. A 40-day meditation following Solstice is essential to

completely process your experience and transformation. Sat Kryia for

11 to 31 minutes a day would be highly beneficial, or Kirtan Kryia

for 31 to 62 minutes a day. You may have many thoughts and longings

and emotional feelings that you are experiencing from your

awakening. Try to impartially observe everything within you, your

thoughts and feelings, deeply and fully, but without any judgment or

attachment or guilt or insecurity. Just watch yourself and deeply

love yourself as you continue expanding and integratring, feeling

gratitude for your expansion. During this 40 day period, give all of

your emotions to devotion to your utter purity and grace within you

that you discovered during Solstice and merge yourself in that

beauty. Don't suppress your love for anyone but during the next 40

days allow yourself to expand and contain the universe of your

entire creation with complete acceptance and understanding and

gratitude and including forgiveness for the pain of your past.

Utilizing this 40 day period will give you a depth of perspective to

make life choices that serve your soul and the highest destiny of

all of those you love, rewriting your destiny to live in your

highest potential. Your attraction to your partner happened because

you awakened your infinite love, so now it is important to realize

how you may experience falling deeply in love many times but it is

not always a sign that you uproot yourself and your life; it is an

experience of our eternal sacred being and our infinite soul

connection with others. Whatever happens in our lives, we learn to

cherish these powerful connections that we experience. Keep up and

write back after the 40 days as the " Aware Yogi! " Many, many

blessings. Sat Nam.

 

Gurumeet Kaur Khalsa

Create Inner Peace

505-753-6866

gurumeet

www.createinnerpeace.com

www.gurumeet.net

 

Kundalini-Yoga , " confusedyogi "

<rosajdavis wrote:

 

I need guidance with a very sensitive subject. I just attended my

first Summer Solstice in Espanola, NM. I participated in the three

days of White Tantric Yoga, which was phenomenal. However, I have a

lot of confusion going on in my head. The eye to eye contact was

extremely intense and intimate for me...

[Guest guest]

Sorry to hear about the abuse in your past. I can understand the

challenges you're facing after the white tantra opening.

 

I've done a lot of twelve-step work with sex and love addiction, so my

thoughts come from that experience.

 

The primary thing to realize is that during the solstice practices with

your partner, you were falling in love with God, not your partner. You

saw God through your partner, and you are confusing your partner with

God. This is why the fantasies persist.

 

Understanding this is one thing. Doing something about it is another.

You need to be ruthless with your mind until you get over this. Do not

allow yourself to think about your white tantra partner at all. Decide

in advance what you will replace the thoughts with. Whenever the

thought of your partner comes up, substitute the other idea. Make the

substitute something nice, so you'll appreciate the time contemplating

it instead.

 

The really useful information comes when you notice what you were

thinking about just before you started fantasizing about your white

tantric partner. Usually it's something you don't want to deal with, or

something really mundane like doing the dishes. You can use the fantasy

as a trigger to face what you'd prefer to avoid. I can imagine all

sorts of uncomfortable things are coming up for you about intimacy with

your husband, now that you've experienced it with someone else.

 

I wrote a song about this issue. Here are the lyrics:

 

It's Not About You

 

Sorry if I stared at you as if you were my lover.

Something in me got too big. I turned to you for cover.

Forgive me if you find my ways a little too intense.

God gave me lots of courage, but I'm short on common sense.

 

I chose you to divert me from the pain of being alone,

The lie that I was not enough as I was on my own

I know I get this way sometimes when ego takes control.

I fluctuate from feeling great to crawling down a hole

 

It's not about you, magnetic pull, obsessive mind and thumping heart.

You're just a trigger. You're not the real thing.

Sometimes it's hard for me to tell the two apart.

 

I thought I had no power to combat the addict's pull.

But now instead of helplessness, I feel complete and full.

The power's all around me in a breath, a song, a touch.

If I fix on you, then I deny I have so very much.

 

It's not about you, magnetic pull, obsesive mind and thumping heart.

You're just a trigger. You're not the real thing.

Sometimes it's hard for me to tell the two apart.

 

So thank you for reminding me of love that's all around.

Because I felt so lost before, I'm grateful to be found.

There's just one universal love, and we all have our piece.

By trusting its abundance, our loneliness will cease.

 

It's not about you, magnetic pull, obsessive mind and thumping heart.

You're just a trigger. You're not the real thing.

Sometimes it's hard for me to tell the two apart.

Sometimes it's hard to tell the two apart.

It's not about you. It's not about you.

 

copyright 1992 Abbe Anderson

 

Best of luck,

Jagat Kaur

www.abbeanderson.com

 

 

 

 

 

______________________________\

____

8:00? 8:25? 8:40? Find a flick in no time

with the Search movie showtime shortcut.

http://tools.search./shortcuts/#news

[Guest guest]

Have you recorded that song???How do I get a copy???Wahe Guru!peace to all, love to all, light to all,Kate LynchHealthy Happy Yogakate

[Guest guest]

Glad you like the song. It's available on a cassette recording called

Ab*Originals, if you still have a cassette player. Send $15 to:

 

Abbe Anderson

PO Box 474

Kennebunk, Maine 04043

 

and I'll send you one.

 

Thanks for asking,

Jagat Kaur

www.abbeanderson.com

 

 

 

______________________________\

____

Food fight? Enjoy some healthy debate

in the Answers Food & Drink Q & A.

http://answers./dir/?link=list & sid=396545367