2) midday thoughts on the moutain

[Guest guest]

midday on the top of the moutain

 

in the past i had a teatcher

 

you can say a master, a guru, a guide, a helper, a friend, an

initiation-man, or what ever word you prefer

 

he told me " you should do this posture 40 days " and i used to do it

he told me " you should eat this and this " and i used to do it

 

i noticed that he always put my life in tension, saying " you should

come with us this week end " and i used to ignore my family, my

comfortable previsions, in order to follow the group

 

that was exciting, and that put me on the road

 

i have the impression that kundalini wakes up when you are confronted

to difficulties, and so you must find your deep own forces

 

i see kundalini yoga as a miracle, something genial, you know, you

just have to move your arms this way and something happens in such or

such chakra, and something moves and starts to live in you vertebral

column

 

i used to like the histories of the heroes, you know, in egyptian,

celtic, nordic, arabic.. mythologies or history.. the man who goes to

the top of the effort and who wins the victory of the victories

 

i like this sense of effort; not being tired; or ignoring that you

are tired

 

i read in an old yoga traitee " when the body is really tired you must

rest it "

 

but i like this principe of not resting the mind

 

we whatched yesterday evening this film " the pianist " who tells the

story of a jude pianist who escape to all the tragic situations in

Varsovy; we could see him climbing walls thought his feet gave him

pain and he had not eaten anything since days and he was panic afraid

 

that is the mouvement of survival

 

in the mouvement of survival you find your ultime forces - or you die

 

in the egyptian initiations you had to swim among crocodiles, and to

find a hole in a wall under water and to swim up throught this hole

to the other side

 

so, a fight between your force and death

 

that is awake of kundalini

 

in some traditions in Vietnam the family of the women danse around

the young pretendant, provoque him, to improve his forces

 

kundalini yoga is a way of placing your mind in ideal positions where

you just have to make the effort and kundalini comes - or you leave

the posture

 

my teacher friend guide made me experience this

 

so i used little to little, to sacrify my usual comfort, my

comfortable relations with my friends, my quiet ways of thinking

 

that was not sectic that was initiatic..

 

i felt i was well tallyed, a force started to awake in me, i was like

pushed by behind to climb the eternal tree

 

some events, thought, in my life, regularly moved me away from this man

 

fast always emotional, loving or just sexual adventures

 

i think that sex is one of the most important questions in our lives

 

especially if we are or pretend to be yogis

 

because sex is an act of survival

 

because love is an act of putting off the mechanism of thought-mind-

closinglight

 

loving is like opening your wings.

 

i felt myself when i was loving

 

i felt that loving a woman was a way to love without object, just

love as you breath, love that means that kundalini climbs up your

back loving it means that nuages swim away along the blue sky and let

you look at the free space

 

i felt that loving was not just having sex, that sex with a real love

was The way

 

i used to cry, not to find my shakti

 

at the end my friend teatcher told me " well, blood is so important,

your blood and the blood of my daughter there is something for you to

understand, but of course you are free, i only think that there is

with this girl a test for you from your interior guru "

 

i immediately left him, fast no news now since 2 years...

 

the syndrom of a too much pointed third eye, who sees what can be

right not watching at what is the direction you want to swim to

 

now i feel vacuum

 

i am not anylonger pusched from my back

 

i fell i could fall down to a normal life, eating meat, whatching at

tv, doing yoga when i like, discuting with friends and just consum

time in horizontal travels

 

thought the force is there and knocks on the gate

 

but i have lost my crutches to walk on the road

 

i feel now like a danser without shoes

 

like a bird without wings

 

like a swimer without arms

 

like just a parcel of little light, a star fallen in the lake

 

i do not know which direction to take

 

but i am

 

something whitch could be called " myself " starts to walk free, i have

still maken 1 or 2 steps

 

i do not want to be pusched by behind any longer

 

i will want find be awake

 

there is just an " i " that can melt or evaporate or fixes itself or

smething like that

 

juste a vertical bar and a point on it