When the ego takes over, what do you do ?

December 15, 2008

Oh brother Vish!

Who cannot relate to this story? May I share a similar

experience, and the divine wisdom that came from Shree Maa herself? It

was for me an unforgettable moment, and a turning point in the battle

(the never-ending struggle to defeat and surrender our Ego).

One day some years back, probably similar to you, my mind was beset

with a myriad of uncontrollable thoughts and anger. I immediately

drove to the Mandir, and luckily found the yagnya-shalla empty, and

proceeded to sit down with the intention of throwing all of this

negativity into the fire with offerings of mantras and masala. When I

got up from the fire, I felt exhausted, still angry, and puzzled. I

was in some way hiding-out from my Ego, and didn't want anyone to see

me in such a state. So I quickly drove home, and diverted that energy

by doing what I'd always done with anger, clean or do the laundry. (A

funny metaphor for what I was trying to do inside).

Wouldn't you know the phone rang just then, and somehow I knew it

was Shree Maa. Shakily I picked up the phone, not feeling worthy to

face the Light! Very quietly Maa asked, " Kamala, why am I (she)

feeling so bad " ? Immediately I started crying, feeling guilty that I

was causing the Guru to feel pain. Then she said, " Don't you know

that I'm always with you " ? " What is wrong; have the asuras got you " ?

I answered, " Oh is that what it is " ? Maa was showing so much

compassion, by referring to my own thoughts as " those asuras " , as

though IT was something outside of myself.

All of a sudden through that question She posed to me, directly

to my Soul, Maa conveyed the truth that all of " those crazy thoughts "

were not me, they were only what was happening to me or around me.

And, that at any moment when I was ready, I could disconnect with and

give up those thoughts and feelings. there was no longer any need to

ruminate and suffer.

I was shown the way, and felt free for the first time in my

life! Thank you, Maa and Swamiji; you hold the Lamp shedding the light

of wisdom on the steep path for all of us making this journey.

Kamala

, " inspectionconnection108 "

<inspectionconnection108 wrote:

>

> Namaste all family: Saturday the great ego took over. I was so

> unbalanced and uncomfortable that I could not go to singing class

> with Maa and Swami Saturday night. I did not want to infect anyone

> with my bad mood so I stayed home and cleaned house and took a nap.

> Later I performed puja and felt much better. But while I was in the

> midst of the " mood " , I did not want to worship or be with anyone.

> When I saw Maa and Swami prior to the start of Chandi Sunday

> morning, they asked why I had not come Saturday night. Maa

> said: " we missed you Vish. "

> I replied that the ego took over and I did not feel like coming

> out. She asked if anything in particular was bothering me. I said

> that I was " in my head " . She laughed and lightly hit me on top of

> the head. " You are allowed to have one day off, " She said sweetly.

> Those few words and the flow of love from them both, just melted any

> lingering bad feelings.

> What I relief. What Grace to have those few moments with them.

> Then, guess what, whe we completed the Chandi, Maa called for

> another Christmas carol practice session later in the day! She

> never meets with us after the Chandi, they usually stay quiet the

> rest of the day.

>

> So, I pose this question to everyone: what do you do when you feel

> this way-out of balance and in a bad mood? What steps do you take

> to get back on track?

>

> Jai Maa Jai Swami

>

> vishweshwar

>

December 15, 2008

Namaste Vishveshwar,

Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

It happens to us all, some time!

It happens to me when I am overwhelmed by circumstances around me.

When everything seems to be getting out of hand and needlessly

complicated and cluttered.

I feel as if I am in shreds that are tearing apart and I must gather

myself together - somehow.

And what is frightening is that this feeling can materialise out of

nowhere. Sanity and madness are separated by a razor edge dividing line.

I think what you did is probably one of the best solutions.

I too like to be by myself during such times. To bring back the

harmony into my system.Put body and soul together.

If I had the opportunity, I would love to sit in a deep forest with

just the tall trees and living creatures of the forest around me

(without noticing me!), and the sun playing games with the leaves.

Or be in a wide open space with stars shining above my head. The quiet

of the night. The sounds of silence.

Oh to be alone, breathing fresh air full of oxygen and communing with

nature! Nothing like nature to heal the soul.

And love.... to feel deeply the harmony of an everlasting love that

places no demands. Has no rules, but the rule of the heart. Divine

love where souls commune and peace reigns.

BUT.... I know that this will not last forever and is only my system's

way of rejuvenating. That nature demands change. The roller coaster

ride goes on. And I jump up and move on with fresh energy after my

retreat...

I think what helps is to know that this is very normal... the harmony

getting 'out of balance' sometimes.

Of course, sometimes its because we are unwell - high blood pressure

or thyroid or high or low blood sugar, enzymes, infection....and now

that I have learnt to listen to my body's needs I try to identify the

problem and to attend to it.

The presence of positive people, with good energy radiating from them

is another cure. Maa and Swamiji radiate that energy all the time.

I have some friend here who are just wonderful. They are like sunshine

that disperses clouds.

Sleep is a great healer for me as well...

Actually, I am beginning to discover that the list is long!!!

There are so many other ways to come out of a bad mood.. but at the

core its about forgetting about your self for a while and beginning to

lose your self in something else....

Hope your black mood is past. I am sending you some sunshine from

Tehran. And positive energy (not of the nuclear variety).

And I have oceans of love that Maa and Swamiji gave me. I have enough

to share with you and the rest of the family.

So there... Is there anything else I can do for you? Please do not

hesitate to ask.

Jai Maa and Jai Swamiji

Manjushri

, " inspectionconnection108 "

<inspectionconnection108 wrote:

>

> Those few words and the flow of love from them both, just melted any

> lingering bad feelings.

>

> So, I pose this question to everyone: what do you do when you feel

> this way-out of balance and in a bad mood? What steps do you take

> to get back on track?

>

> Jai Maa Jai Swami

>

> vishweshwar

>

December 15, 2008

Dear Vishveshwar,

Jai Maa! Hope you are well.

I can feel what you have said in your email. The battle is against the mind because the goal is to bring the mind back to the self. Since you are battling the mind using sadhana, the most natural experience is that the mind revolts... so strongly that we can get repeatedly injured... I had these issues when I had begun Shiva Puja a few months back. There were some days when it was very hard to do. What were the obstalces to the doing - well nothing more than the voice in the head. I used to tell the head... lets do Shiva Puja and then the mind used to tell me "But what about that experience..."... thats it then --- thoughts went down a spiral. It did not happen for just one day but kept lingering for months. It was not that I was tired, or lacked motivation but the voices just made the motivation low or maintained a draining effect to force thoughts like "I cant do this or cant take it anymore". Then

questions come into the head like "Am I having this problem b'coz I am doing the puja... etc?"... Though these questions are stupid, they came to my mind, my mind identified with those and would not do anything and I had to experience the negativity... There were self doubts... they come... I could not do anything about it considering I am not an expert on spiritual sadhana. At the end of it I am what I am - dumb or otherwise - it does not matter but I have to keep moving on... I told myself I really dont know what those things mean - like tapas, God, sadhana (well whatever!) etc. They are too hi-tech for me. Lets tackle one issue at a time and get the puja done for tonight - this puja should work since Maa is Mother to me... the puja is a formula that will work. Despite all this, in a attitude of giving up I finally jumped right into the bed. Then there was something in me that kept saying "I have to keep going... stopping is not an

alternative... no matter what"... I see that as Maa's grace and blessings. She is the Doer. Then while I lay on the bed with eyes closed I used to chant the entire Shiva puja mechanically just to finish it off. So I did the "pushpa pushpa mahapushpa..." mudra somewhere in mid air while almost dozing off. The next day when I woke up with the Shiva Puja book right over my face, believe me I first felt that I could have done a better job the previus day because those head tapes did not exist in the morning... I gave those voices too much importance... but I also felt I did not give up on the continuity. It gave a sense of achievement that despite what the state of mind was the sadhana was accomplished to the best of my capability relative to my understanding the previous night and I prayed to Shiva to allow me to do a better job next time. This went on for a few months... then a day came when these things happened and I said "let these thoughts

come but now since I know they will go away I am only inspired to not let them bother me". The effect of those thoughts on me reduced. Now they come but I no longer get as disturbed and in fact the moment they come during the sadhana I become inspired to enjoy the sadhana more and know "this is the time to keep at it" and pay more attention to the sadhana than those thoughts. It feels like a mini victory over these thoughts so I end up doing the sadhana with a smile. So to sum it up, fruits of karma have to be experienced. But you dont have to give up your sadhana during that experience... You are not the experience but the one who experiences. You just continue to keep doing your sadhana and allow the mind to dance. Then a day certainly comes when the mind just does not affect you as bad as it used to... this happens when you start recognizing that it is something separate from you and that you are certainly not just it. It can also

happen when you begin enjoying your sadhana from the heart...

Prasana

--- On Sun, 12/14/08, inspectionconnection108 <inspectionconnection108 wrote:

inspectionconnection108 <inspectionconnection108[www.ShreeMaa.org] When the ego takes over, what do you do ? Date: Sunday, December 14, 2008, 9:19 PM

Namaste all family: Saturday the great ego took over. I was so unbalanced and uncomfortable that I could not go to singing class with Maa and Swami Saturday night. I did not want to infect anyone with my bad mood so I stayed home and cleaned house and took a nap. Later I performed puja and felt much better. But while I was in the midst of the "mood", I did not want to worship or be with anyone.When I saw Maa and Swami prior to the start of Chandi Sunday morning, they asked why I had not come Saturday night. Maa said: "we missed you Vish."I replied that the ego took over and I did not feel like coming out. She asked if anything in particular was bothering me. I said that I was "in my head". She laughed and lightly hit me on top of the head. "You are allowed to have one day off," She said sweetly.Those few words and the flow of love from them both, just melted any lingering bad feelings. What

I relief. What Grace to have those few moments with them.Then, guess what, whe we completed the Chandi, Maa called for another Christmas carol practice session later in the day! She never meets with us after the Chandi, they usually stay quiet the rest of the day.So, I pose this question to everyone: what do you do when you feel this way-out of balance and in a bad mood? What steps do you take to get back on track?Jai Maa Jai Swamivishweshwar

December 15, 2008

Dear Vish:

What wonderful grace Shree Maa showed you. She is so loving. It

makes me want to come and meet Swamiji and Maa just to chant along

with them for a while.

I am just learning that when my asuras try to take over, that I must

pause right then to take care of the matter or it can ruin my whole

day. I can sit quietly. I can talk to Ma and Shiva about it and try

to lay it at Their holy feet or make japa for a while. My mind has

been so hard to calm down since I began trying to meditate. Just

recently I notice that instead of revolving around in my head all my

problems and thoughts about myself when I sit to do japa, they are

being replaced by spritual thoughts and thoughts about my spiritual

practice. The mind is still revolving around, but at least it is not

on that low level a great deal of the time. So japa is my refuge. I

am doing puja early in the morning now and I am beginning to feel the

same peace right after that which I used to feel when I was living

for a short time in the guest cottage of the Vedanta Society some

years ago. I had forgotten that feeling entirely and yet part of me

yearned for it. It is the feeling of a place where worship and

meditation is being done on a regular basis. It is not like then,

when I just had to be there to feel this peaceful feeling, I have to

work at it and make it mine now. But then, the hope is that it will

stay with me someday and be mine. I suppose this is just the first

tiny step on the way, but at least I am taking those tiny steps once

again.

It is all thanks to Shree Maa and Swamiji. Jai Ma! Jai Swamiji!

Jai Sri Ramakrishna! Jai Sri Sarada Devi! Jai Swami Vivekananda! Om

Jai Kali Ma! Om Namah Shivaya!

Kumari

, " inspectionconnection108 "

<inspectionconnection108 wrote:

>

> Namaste all family: Saturday the great ego took over. I was so

> unbalanced and uncomfortable that I could not go to singing class

> with Maa and Swami Saturday night. I did not want to infect anyone

> with my bad mood so I stayed home and cleaned house and took a

nap.

> Later I performed puja and felt much better. But while I was in

the

> midst of the " mood " , I did not want to worship or be with anyone.

> When I saw Maa and Swami prior to the start of Chandi Sunday

> morning, they asked why I had not come Saturday night. Maa

> said: " we missed you Vish. "

> I replied that the ego took over and I did not feel like coming

> out. She asked if anything in particular was bothering me. I said

> that I was " in my head " . She laughed and lightly hit me on top of

> the head. " You are allowed to have one day off, " She said sweetly.

> Those few words and the flow of love from them both, just melted

any

> lingering bad feelings.

> What I relief. What Grace to have those few moments with them.

> Then, guess what, whe we completed the Chandi, Maa called for

> another Christmas carol practice session later in the day! She

> never meets with us after the Chandi, they usually stay quiet the

> rest of the day.

>

> So, I pose this question to everyone: what do you do when you feel

> this way-out of balance and in a bad mood? What steps do you take

> to get back on track?

>

> Jai Maa Jai Swami

>

> vishweshwar

>

December 16, 2008

Yes, yes, yes! You describe the revolutions of my mind exactly! The

important thing is to continue and keep doing your best. Do the

japa, the puja, the fire sacrifices as best you can until the mind

calms down, outside circumstances stop bothering you, the asuras stop

dancing around trying to distract and scare you. Say to the Ishta

Devata, " I am doing the best I can, I lay this at your feet. Please

forgive me for what I do imperfectly. "

Om Jai Kali Ma! Om Namah Shivaya!

Kumari

, Ray Happy <amritanandamoyi

wrote:

>

> Dear Vishveshwar,

>

> Jai Maa! Hope you are well.

>

> I can feel what you have said in your email. The battle is against

the mind because the goal is to bring the mind back to the self.

Since you are battling the mind using sadhana, the most natural

experience is that the mind revolts... so strongly that we can get

repeatedly injured... I had these issues when I had begun Shiva Puja

a few months back. There were some days when it was very hard to do.

What were the obstalces to the doing - well nothing more than the

voice in the head. I used to tell the head... lets do Shiva Puja and

then the mind used to tell me " But what about that experience... " ...

thats it then --- thoughts went down a spiral. It did not happen for

just one day but kept lingering for months. It was not that I was

tired, or lacked motivation but the voices just made the motivation

low or maintained a draining effect to force thoughts like " I cant do

this or cant take it anymore " . Then questions come into the head

like " Am I

> having this problem b'coz I am doing the puja... etc? " ... Though

these questions are stupid, they came to my mind, my mind identified

with those and would not do anything and I had to experience the

negativity... There were self doubts... they come... I could not do

anything about it considering I am not an expert on spiritual

sadhana. At the end of it I am what I am - dumb or otherwise - it

does not matter but I have to keep moving on... I told myself I

really dont know what those things mean - like tapas, God, sadhana

(well whatever!) etc. They are too hi-tech for me. Lets tackle one

issue at a time and get the puja done for tonight - this puja should

work since Maa is Mother to me... the puja is a formula that will

work. Despite all this, in a attitude of giving up I finally

jumped right into the bed. Then there was something in me that kept

saying " I have to keep going... stopping is not an alternative... no

matter what " ... I see that as Maa's

> grace and blessings. She is the Doer. Then while I lay on the bed

with eyes closed I used to chant the entire Shiva puja mechanically

just to finish it off. So I did the " pushpa pushpa mahapushpa... "

mudra somewhere in mid air while almost dozing off. The next day when

I woke up with the Shiva Puja book right over my face, believe me I

first felt that I could have done a better job the previus day

because those head tapes did not exist in the morning... I gave those

voices too much importance... but I also felt I did not give up on

the continuity. It gave a sense of achievement that despite what the

state of mind was the sadhana was accomplished to the best of my

capability relative to my understanding the previous night and I

prayed to Shiva to allow me to do a better job next time. This went

on for a few months... then a day came when these things happened and

I said " let these thoughts come but now since I know they will go

away I am only inspired

> to not let them bother me " . The effect of those thoughts on me

reduced. Now they come but I no longer get as disturbed and in fact

the moment they come during the sadhana I become inspired to enjoy

the sadhana more and know " this is the time to keep at it " and pay

more attention to the sadhana than those thoughts. It feels like a

mini victory over these thoughts so I end up doing the sadhana with a

smile. So to sum it up, fruits of karma have to be experienced. But

you dont have to give up your sadhana during that experience... You

are not the experience but the one who experiences. You just continue

to keep doing your sadhana and allow the mind to dance. Then a day

certainly comes when the mind just does not affect you as bad as it

used to... this happens when you start recognizing that it is

something separate from you and that you are certainly not just it.

It can also happen when you begin enjoying your sadhana from the

heart...

>

> Prasana

>

> --- On Sun, 12/14/08, inspectionconnection108

<inspectionconnection108 wrote:

>

> inspectionconnection108 <inspectionconnection108

> [www.ShreeMaa.org] When the ego takes over, what do you

do ?

>

> Sunday, December 14, 2008, 9:19 PM

Namaste all family: Saturday the great ego took over. I was so

> unbalanced and uncomfortable that I could not go to singing class

> with Maa and Swami Saturday night. I did not want to infect anyone

> with my bad mood so I stayed home and cleaned house and took a nap.

> Later I performed puja and felt much better. But while I was in the

> midst of the " mood " , I did not want to worship or be with anyone.

> When I saw Maa and Swami prior to the start of Chandi Sunday

> morning, they asked why I had not come Saturday night. Maa

> said: " we missed you Vish. "

> I replied that the ego took over and I did not feel like coming

> out. She asked if anything in particular was bothering me. I said

> that I was " in my head " . She laughed and lightly hit me on top of

> the head. " You are allowed to have one day off, " She said sweetly.

> Those few words and the flow of love from them both, just melted

any

> lingering bad feelings.

> What I relief. What Grace to have those few moments with them.

> Then, guess what, whe we completed the Chandi, Maa called for

> another Christmas carol practice session later in the day! She

> never meets with us after the Chandi, they usually stay quiet the

> rest of the day.

>

> So, I pose this question to everyone: what do you do when you feel

> this way-out of balance and in a bad mood? What steps do you take

> to get back on track?

>

> Jai Maa Jai Swami

>

> vishweshwar

>

December 16, 2008

I agree, Kumari. Doing our best helps aim at totality rather than the evasive idea of perfection...

We are all bound to make it one day !

Joy Maa!

Prasana

--- On Tue, 12/16/08, mjfisher2005 <mjfisher2005 wrote:

mjfisher2005 <mjfisher2005[www.ShreeMaa.org] Re: When the ego takes over, what do you do ? Date: Tuesday, December 16, 2008, 8:39 AM

Yes, yes, yes! You describe the revolutions of my mind exactly! The important thing is to continue and keep doing your best. Do the japa, the puja, the fire sacrifices as best you can until the mind calms down, outside circumstances stop bothering you, the asuras stop dancing around trying to distract and scare you. Say to the Ishta Devata, "I am doing the best I can, I lay this at your feet. Please forgive me for what I do imperfectly. " Om Jai Kali Ma! Om Namah Shivaya!Kumari, Ray Happy <amritanandamoyi@ ...> wrote:>> Dear Vishveshwar,> > Jai Maa! Hope you are well.> > I can feel what you have said in your email. The battle is against the mind because the goal is to bring the mind back to the self.

Since you are battling the mind using sadhana, the most natural experience is that the mind revolts... so strongly that we can get repeatedly injured... I had these issues when I had begun Shiva Puja a few months back. There were some days when it was very hard to do. What were the obstalces to the doing - well nothing more than the voice in the head. I used to tell the head... lets do Shiva Puja and then the mind used to tell me "But what about that experience.. ."... thats it then --- thoughts went down a spiral. It did not happen for just one day but kept lingering for months. It was not that I was tired, or lacked motivation but the voices just made the motivation low or maintained a draining effect to force thoughts like "I cant do this or cant take it anymore". Then questions come into the head like "Am I> having this problem b'coz I am doing the puja... etc?"...

Though these questions are stupid, they came to my mind, my mind identified with those and would not do anything and I had to experience the negativity.. . There were self doubts... they come... I could not do anything about it considering I am not an expert on spiritual sadhana. At the end of it I am what I am - dumb or otherwise - it does not matter but I have to keep moving on... I told myself I really dont know what those things mean - like tapas, God, sadhana (well whatever!) etc. They are too hi-tech for me. Lets tackle one issue at a time and get the puja done for tonight - this puja should work since Maa is Mother to me... the puja is a formula that will work. Despite all this, in a attitude of giving up I finally jumped right into the bed. Then there was something in me that kept saying "I have to keep going... stopping is not an alternative. .. no matter what"... I see

that as Maa's> grace and blessings. She is the Doer. Then while I lay on the bed with eyes closed I used to chant the entire Shiva puja mechanically just to finish it off. So I did the "pushpa pushpa mahapushpa.. ." mudra somewhere in mid air while almost dozing off. The next day when I woke up with the Shiva Puja book right over my face, believe me I first felt that I could have done a better job the previus day because those head tapes did not exist in the morning... I gave those voices too much importance.. . but I also felt I did not give up on the continuity. It gave a sense of achievement that despite what the state of mind was the sadhana was accomplished to the best of my capability relative to my understanding the previous night and I prayed to Shiva to allow me to do a better job next time. This went on for a few months... then a day came when these things happened and I said

"let these thoughts come but now since I know they will go away I am only inspired> to not let them bother me". The effect of those thoughts on me reduced. Now they come but I no longer get as disturbed and in fact the moment they come during the sadhana I become inspired to enjoy the sadhana more and know "this is the time to keep at it" and pay more attention to the sadhana than those thoughts. It feels like a mini victory over these thoughts so I end up doing the sadhana with a smile. So to sum it up, fruits of karma have to be experienced. But you dont have to give up your sadhana during that experience.. . You are not the experience but the one who experiences. You just continue to keep doing your sadhana and allow the mind to dance. Then a day certainly comes when the mind just does not affect you as bad as it used to... this happens when you start recognizing that it is

something separate from you and that you are certainly not just it. It can also happen when you begin enjoying your sadhana from the heart... > > Prasana> > > > > > > > --- On Sun, 12/14/08, inspectionconnectio n108 <inspectionconnecti on108 > wrote:> > inspectionconnectio n108 <inspectionconnecti on108 >> [www.ShreeMaa. org] When the ego takes over, what do you do ?> > Sunday, December 14, 2008, 9:19 PM> > > > > > > Namaste all family: Saturday the great ego took over. I was so > unbalanced and uncomfortable that I could not go to singing class > with Maa and Swami Saturday night. I

did not want to infect anyone > with my bad mood so I stayed home and cleaned house and took a nap. > Later I performed puja and felt much better. But while I was in the > midst of the "mood", I did not want to worship or be with anyone.> When I saw Maa and Swami prior to the start of Chandi Sunday > morning, they asked why I had not come Saturday night. Maa > said: "we missed you Vish."> I replied that the ego took over and I did not feel like coming > out. She asked if anything in particular was bothering me. I said > that I was "in my head". She laughed and lightly hit me on top of > the head. "You are allowed to have one day off," She said sweetly.> Those few words and the flow of love from them both, just melted any > lingering bad feelings. > What I relief. What Grace to have those few moments with them.> Then, guess what, whe we completed the

Chandi, Maa called for > another Christmas carol practice session later in the day! She > never meets with us after the Chandi, they usually stay quiet the > rest of the day.> > So, I pose this question to everyone: what do you do when you feel > this way-out of balance and in a bad mood? What steps do you take > to get back on track?> > Jai Maa Jai Swami> > vishweshwar>

December 16, 2008

Also in the previous response there is a correction:

I wrote "You are not the experience but the one who experiences. "

Correct that to read ----

"You are not the experience and you want to find out who experiences. That way when you recognise what in you experiences you get to the next step ".