responding to Swamiji's question

[Guest guest]

Dear Swamiji ~ thank you for again giving us a question that goes deep into the heart of worship and devotion. I will be the first to admit that I find sadhana difficult. So far, I mostly find I am able to participate if it is a group sadhana, like the annual sankalpa or when the group chants the Chandi Path during Navaratri, the Prayer Club, etc. For the past several mornings I have had the opportunity to see very clearly what distracts me from satsang, or rather, who distracts me. I distract me.

 

Here is what I experience. It is like being two people in one body, and it also is very attached to my body. There is one me who feels eagerness at the prospect of doing the sadhana, who feels the longing, who feels called by the sadhana. That part of me wants to get up right away and go do the sadhana.

 

Then there is the other part of me that is just as determined to stay where I am, and continue doing whatever I am doing. And believe me when I say, I am never doing something so important that it should distract or stop me from my sadhana. But that part of me stubbornly wants to stay where it is, and if what I am doing doesn't seem like a good enough reason, then many other things to do start popping into my head. So, it is like two bodies in one ~ one is eager to get going, and I even feel the incipient movement inside me, readying to carry me off to do my sadhana; while the other is just as eager to stay where it is, and it is capable of having lots of excuses.

 

For example, for certain reasons, the morning is the best time for me to do sadhana. It is when my husband is still asleep and I feel very quiet and alone (in a good way). But if I am sitting at the computer, reading and answering emails, time will pass, and more time will pass. The part of me that is eager to get up is getting frustrated, and before I know it, I feel the time has passed to the point where I won't feel comfortable doing my sadhana. So computer me wins.

 

Yesterday I had taken the sheet of paper with the mantra, along with my mala, into the room where I have my altar. Since I do the sankalpa mantra on the couch where I can prop it up and see it well, I was aware that to do my sadhana I had to first go and get these items. Finally the sankalpa me said to the computer me, I am just going to go and get my tools. And I realized that, as soon as I got up and took the first step, I would do my sankalpa this morning. It wasn't a feeling of winning, almost more of an ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, just putting one foot in front of the other, then one mantra after another. I had the thought, all it takes is the first step. I guess if our minds are like monkeys, once you get the monkey to take one step it is very likely you will get the monkey to take a second step.

 

I realize this is a lot of explaining, and forgive me for using so much time. It was just so wonderful to get the question, right as I am experiencing the answer, and then see the dualism of the sankalpa me and the computer me, and to be the witness, watching both and then choosing. It was almost as if a third party (of me) had to intercede and take the reins, so to speak. After that, everything came more naturally and without a struggle.

 

 

Question from Swamiji:

"If it is so important to maintain our spiritual inspiration, why dowe find so many distractions that give precedence to satsang? New year...new news. Be the first to know what is making headlines.