10 Deadly Sins of Negative Thinking

[Guest guest]

The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop

opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful. " - Dalai Lama

 

Life could be so much better for many people, if they would just spot their

negative thinking habits and replace them with positive ones.

 

Negative thinking, in all its many-splendored forms, has a way of creeping into

conversations and our thinking without our noticing them. The key to success, in

my humble opinion, is learning to spot these thoughts and squash them like

little bugs. Then replace them with positive ones. You'll notice a huge

difference in everything you do.

 

Let's take a look at 10 common ways that negative thinking emerges - get good at

spotting these patterns, and practice replacing them with positive thinking

patterns. It has made all the difference in the world for me.

 

10 Deadly Sins of Negative Thinking

 

1. I will be happy once I have _____ (or once I earn X).

 

Problem: If you think you can't be happy until you reach a certain point, or

until you reach a certain income, or have a certain type of house or car or

computer setup, you'll never be happy. That elusive goal is always just out of

reach. Once we reach those goals, we are not satisfied - we want more.

 

Solution: Learn to be happy with what you have, where you are, and who you are,

right at this moment. Happiness doesn't have to be some state that we want to

get to eventually - it can be found right now. Learn to count your blessings,

and see the positive in your situation. This might sound simplistic, but it

works.

2. I wish I were as ____ as (a celebrity, friend, co-worker).

 

Problem: We'll never be as pretty, as talented, as rich, as sculpted, as cool,

as everyone else. There will always be someone better, if you look hard enough.

Therefore, if we compare ourselves to others like this, we will always pale, and

will always fail, and will always feel bad about ourselves. This is no way to be

happy.

 

Solution: Stop comparing yourself to others, and look instead at yourself - what

are your strengths, your accomplishments, your successes, however small? What do

you love about yourself? Learn to love who you are, right now, not who you want

to become. There is good in each of us, love in each of us, and a wonderful

human spirit in every one of us.

 

3. Seeing others becoming successful makes me jealous and resentful.

 

Problem: First, this assumes that only a small number of people can be

successful. In truth, many, many people can be successful - in different ways.

 

Solution: Learn to admire the success of others, and learn from it, and be happy

for them, by empathizing with them and understanding what it must be like to be

them. And then turn away from them, and look at yourself - you can be successful

too, in whatever you choose to do. And even more, you already are successful.

Look not at those above you in the social ladder, but those below you - there

are always millions of people worse off than you, people who couldn't even read

this article or afford a computer. In that light, you are a huge success.

 

4. I am a miserable failure - I can't seem to do anything right.

 

Problem: Everyone is a failure, if you look at it in certain ways. Everyone has

failed, many times, at different things. I have certainly failed so many times I

cannot count them - and I continue to fail, daily. However, looking at your

failures as failures only makes you feel bad about yourself. By thinking in this

way, we will have a negative self-image and never move on from here.

 

Solution: See your successes and ignore your failures. Look back on your life,

in the last month, or year, or 5 years. And try to remember your successes. If

you have trouble with this, start documenting them - keep a success journal,

either in a notebook or online. Document your success each day, or each week.

When you look back at what you've accomplished, over a year, you will be amazed.

It's an incredibly positive feeling.

 

5. I'm going to beat so-and-so no matter what - I'm better than him. And there's

no way I'll help him succeed - he might beat me.

 

 

Problem: Competitiveness assumes that there is a small amount of gold to be had,

and I need to get it before he does. It makes us into greedy, back-stabbing,

hurtful people. We try to claw our way over people to get to success, because of

our competitive feelings. For example, if a blogger wants to have more

rs than another blogger, he may never link to or mention that other

blogger. However, who is to say that my rs can't also be yours? People

can read and to more than one blog.

 

Solution: Learn to see success as something that can be shared, and learn that

if we help each other out, we can each have a better chance to be successful.

Two people working towards a common goal are better than two people trying to

beat each other up to get to that goal. There is more than enough success to go

around. Learn to think in terms of abundance rather than scarcity.

 

6. Dammit! Why do these bad things always happen to me?

 

Problem: Bad things happen to everybody. If we dwell on them, they will

frustrate us and bring us down.

 

Solution: See bad things as a part of the ebb and flow of life. Suffering is a

part of the human condition - but it passes. All pain goes away, eventually.

Meanwhile, don't let it hold you back. Don't dwell on bad things, but look

forward towards something good in your future. And learn to take the bad things

in stride, and learn from them. Bad things are actually opportunities to grow

and learn and get stronger, in disguise.

 

7. You can't do anything right! Why can't you be like ____ ?

 

Problem: This can be said to your child or your subordinate or your sibling. The

problem? Comparing two people, first of all, is always a fallacy. People are

different, with different ways of doing things, different strengths and

weaknesses, different human characteristics. If we were all the same, we'd be

robots. Second, saying negative things like this to another person never helps

the situation. It might make you feel better, and more powerful, but in truth,

it hurts your relationship, it will actually make you feel negative, and it will

certainly make the other person feel negative and more likely to continue

negative behavior. Everyone loses.

 

Solution: Take the mistakes or bad behavior of others as an opportunity to

teach. Show them how to do something. Second, praise them for their positive

behavior, and encourage their success. Last, and most important, love them for

who they are, and celebrate their differences.

 

8. Your work sucks. It's super lame. You are a moron and I hope you never

reproduce.

 

Problem: I've actually gotten this comment before. It feels wonderful. However,

let's look at it not from the perspective of the person receiving this kind of

comment but from the perspective of the person giving it. How does saying

something negative like this help you? I guess it might feel good to vent if you

feel like your time has been wasted. But really, how much of your time has been

wasted? A few minutes? And whose fault is that? The bloggers or yours? In truth,

making negative comments just keeps you in a negative mindset. It's also not a

good way to make friends.

 

Solution: Learn to offer constructive solutions, first of all. Instead of

telling someone their blog sucks, or that a post is lame, offer some specific

suggestions for improvement. Help them get better. If you are going to take the

time to make a comment, make it worth your time. Second, learn to interact with

people in a more positive way - it makes others feel good and it makes you feel

better about yourself. And you can make some great friends this way. That's a

good thing.

 

9. Insulting People Back

 

 

Problem: If someone insults you or angers you in some way, insulting them back

and continuing your anger only transfers their problem to you. This person was

probably having a bad day (or a bad year) and took it out on you for some

reason. If you reciprocate, you are now having a bad day too. His problem has

become yours. Not only that, but the cycle of insults can get worse and worse

until it results in violence or other negative consequences - for both of you.

 

Solution: Let the insults or negative comments of others slide off you like

Teflon. Don't let their problem become yours. In fact, try to understand their

problem more - why would someone say something like that? What problems are they

going through? Having a little empathy for someone not only makes you understand

that their comment is not about you, but it can make you feel and act in a

positive manner towards them - and make you feel better about yourself in the

process.

 

10. I don't think I can do this - I don't have enough discipline. Maybe some

other time.

 

Problem: If you don't think you can do something, you probably won't. Especially

for the big stuff. Discipline has nothing to do with it - motivation and focus

has everything to do with it. And if you put stuff off for " some other time " ,

you'll never get it done. Negative thinking like this inhibits us from

accomplishing anything.

 

Solution: Turn your thinking around: you can do this! You don't need discipline.

Find ways to make yourself a success at your goal. If you fail, learn from your

mistakes, and try again. Instead of putting a goal off for later, start now. And

focus on one goal at a time, putting all of your energy into it, and getting as

much help from others as you can. You can really move mountains if you start

with positive thinking.