FLASH! New York City evicted from Ground 0 - and other silly news

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Saturday, June 06, 2009

FLASH! " New York City evicted from Ground 0 " - NYT

 

New York City is literally kicked out of Ground 0.

 

In an unprecedented case the City of New York was evicted from the grounds of

" Ground 0 " for it's refusal to provide a one zillion Amero security deposit

retroactive to the birth of Muhammad (c. 570 AD). Mayor of Ground Zero, H.E.

Donald Trump, was taken-aback by the 9/11 bombings, before retaliating with

this eviction notice to New York, both as a City and as a People. The National

Guard is on-alert around-the-clock making sure that all traces of New York

remain outside the boundries of Ground Zero. The matter is going up before the

Supreme Court in the landmark case, NY v/s G0. Further unbiased information

contact G-Zero.com AP. NYTimes

 

Friday, June 05, 2009

Upcoming Apple Products

 

iiPod

Apple felt jealous because of the Apple iPod's success, which caused Apple to

make its own version. the iiPod. there are many differences which tech geeks,

geekstas and nerds argue over which is better.

 

iAlienPod

Ripley's worst nightmare. Has acid for batteries. With only one application,

" iConsume. " Use with caution. Not for adults. Warning! This device has a serious

attitude problem. Don't let one loose on Earth.

 

iRipley

Alien's worst nightmare. Has acid for circuits. With only one application,

" iKickAss. " Use with caution. Not for kids, because they might use the device on

other children. Has a 30 year battery.

 

iSlam

Ideal for terrorists. Features iBlast, micro 'atomic bomb' application,

guaranteed to take out a city block. Translates Arabic into Jive using the

iBrotha application with illustrations. Also comes with the iChop application

for public executions.

 

iK47

A white rebranded, more expensive music playing assault rifle. Very good for

shooting, reliable, made of disposable high iCarbon crap. Bullets can be

purchased for 99 cents each, or 9.99 for a full cartridge from iTUNES. In

contrast, competitors will rent you unlimited bullets for $14.95 per month.

 

iBauer

The iBauer is Apple's answer to terrorism, it only has 4 applications, viz.,

Stomp, Punch, Shoot, and Disintegrate. It is always right. It runs on a 10,000

year nuke-battery. The iBauer can detect the presence of a genuine terrorist

from within a one mile radius using innovative new CTU technology, viz.,

Terrorscopics, and then DO something about it! Perfect for traveling, or for

looking up fellow terrorists.

 

iSpy

The iSpy is Apple's surveillance networked hooked up to all iWebcams. Look out,

there're watching you, simply to observe what other strange phenomena those who

live in a world without windows do (this iS iNcluded in the standard form of

agreement)

 

iTarzanYouJane

Useful when meeting a beautiful girl deep in the African jungle. Contains " Ape "

Dictionary with illustrations.

 

iQuit

Useful for after you've been fired. Tells the boss, " where to go " , in 16

languages, including Chinese.

 

iLoan

So you can afford all the products. Contains application, “iTrust†which

gives Jack Bauer's WORD.

 

iBroke

Useful when you can NOT afford all the products. Contains a cloaking application

called " iAin'tHome " .

 

iFucked

Useful when confronted by Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris, Joe Pesci, Tony Jaa, or Pee

Wee Herman (contains cyanide).

 

iHigh

This device is nick-named iCandyMan, and is only sold in California and Holland

with a medical prescription. It has four applications, viz., iCrank, iE, iA, and

iBlow, plus a Home Button also called iTHC. Battery-life depends on amount of

usage.

 

iWrecked

Useful when you are stone-drunk and fallen in a stupor. It has a homing-beacon

with map, plus the applications, iWho? and iWhere? A loud " SOS "

button-application may be downloaded from iTunes.

 

iNstine

Apple invented the function on the iPod " genius " which listens to a good song

you playing and finds a totally crap song to replace it, but apple have now

invented iNstine, an iPod-like device witch brings genius to a whole new level

and takes one of your songs (loaded onto the device it using iTunes)and spams

you with a load of shit songs you don't want.

 

iRaqs

A build your own Vietnam situation building set. Comes with: corrupt

politicians, brainless/brainwashed citizens, large armies with real firearms and

gaseous weapons, American Weapons of Care and Nurturing(aka Strategic Weapons

aka Weapons of Collateral Damage), body parts and more. A small task force of

Swedish UN weapons inspectors is also available in the collector's edition. For

a small extra fee you also receive Anthrax, terrorists operatives suicide

bombers and Boeing 737's. For specially hand crafted American and iRaqi tyrants

see registration form and contact your local Kremlin Office. (Weapons of Mass

Deception sold separately)

 

iRan

Useful for making a statement when you arrive at your destination after running

from anywhere.

 

iRobot

iRobot is the latest invention of Apple. This sleek new Robot can vacuum the

house, cook high-class food, do the dishes, your laundry, your wife and can even

send your kids to school. It comes with a built in Safety feature that makes it

unable to kill any human *Wink*. Will Smith would be proud. The Wife version of

iRobot comes with a very sweet user interface that makes it look sexy for you.

However, it only supports iHouse and other Apple Products.

 

 

 

 

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