Looking for role models of truth

[Guest guest]

(Keval, if this means I am a troll, I will only say thank you.) Are we looking

for truth or only just the party, when Amma visits?)

 

Since we are receiving comment on this list now on the book Chasing the Avatar,

which in its gentle way, is suppose to expose the danger and psychotic behavior,

evil and teachings behind the scenes at Amritapuri. These two articles reveal

what it is like to be near Amma when she has her hair down and the public is not

watching.

 

The one article with the Indian reunciate exposes more about what happens in

India with those who understand the language being spoken, as it seems even the

Western renunciates are not able to understand what goes on behind the scenes

some of the time. The idea of starting Amrita TV from the free pharmacy

donations at AIMS is important, it seems that the people in charge at Amrita are

not at all thinking about the result of their actions or the appropriateness of

them as well. To me it seems like things are out of control if others are able

to see these misbehavior's and have to support the organization as a whole if

they have given their lives to Amma and the Ashram (renunciates, with an

initiation fee of about $16,000, these days which is not refundable.) It takes

courage to stand up for yourself and leave when you see bad behavior by the few

who are to represent the whole. What is one to do in this kind of situation?

Amarnath? We in the West live

freely we have our own lives and can come and go as we please, we only see the

party most of the time when Ammachi comes twice a year for ther visit. So it is

easy to stay singly focused (as this list demands) when you are not submerged

and stuck in a toxic situation.

 

It seems Western devotees there, are questioning her apocalyptic teachings, can

see the hypocrisy in Amma's bevhrior and how the Org is being run in general,

and can see the anger and bullying for the best seva positions. The people

closest to her, can afford to be closest to her, or they are people she has

chosen to serve her in a certain way. She does not treat all people equally.

Maybe there are others on this list who have seen this but are not comfortable

speaking up about it.

 

The truth is coming out. May we help our brothers and sisters in India who may

be afraid to come out and start their lives again. May they know we have support

for them if they need it.

 

In peace,

Stacee

 

 

 

________________________________

Stacee Kramer <stacee.kramer

ammachi

Mon, January 4, 2010 8:19:26 PM

Article an Indian Renunciate's story of life close to Ammachi

 

 

Article

An Indian Renunciate’s story of life close to Ammachi in Amritapuri

 

I met Amritanandamayi, when I was 14 and joined the organization at

around 20. I spent a good amount of my prime years there. Regarding

the question, " What was your relationship to Amma " ? I used to

think of her as my own mother, guru and god. And " How close to the inner

circle were you?†I guess I was pretty close to her but not able to

quantify it. I became involved with the ashram at a very young age. But the

Period 1999-2001 was a major contributor. We saw, many of the seniors leaving,

Swami Advaithamritha (Lakshman), Swami Amrithamayananda, Swamini Amrithaprana,

Bri.Ambamritha (Manju) And many others as well. Some of them were very close to

me. Swami Amritaswarupananda was also about to leave. But was sent away for a

while. It was like the whole thing falling apart. It was very painful for a

person inside to see the entire creamy layer, moving out. It also made me think

a lot! I have heard directly from Amritanandamyi herself, that Amrithaprana

would attain self realization by serving me, and lot off stuff like that.

Ammachi became more reliant on her immediate family members during that phase,

it also helped me see the human vulnerabilities of insecurity gripping her. I

confronted or rather approached her with my confusions on the meaning and

purpose of this kind of life. She

started telling, don’t think too much, do your Nishkama sevanam (selfless

work) and let me know openly all your problems. Since then, it was kind of half

hearted. PLEASE UNDERSTAND, it is not just a few incidents, it is the whole

experience of being there and seeing and observing her and try to HANG ON to the

faith in her. She plays with our emotions by giving lot of attention and care at

times and then totally ignoring you for months.

 

So the point is the process of losing faith is like developing cracks

on a stone (being thrashed :-) ) over time, it was gradual for me.

 

Just to give a glimpse of the other face of her, during my last few

months. I had a health issue and had to go to AIMS and we were

supposed to seek her permission. She was emphatic, in replying that " I don’t

know anything about u " and in a total indifferent tone. To hear it from a

person, whom you TRUST as mother, guru and god at a very stressful

time in your life is not easy. As you don’t have anyone else to hold on to.

There is so much to go on. May be some other time, as reliving those

experience by narrating it is also painful at times. It just makes me

feel betrayed and it hurts beyond words and I want to move on.

All of her immediate family members have become very rich with no clear and

justifiable source of income to substantiate. No one dares to speak

anything against her family members inside the ashram.

I know lot of the insiders are contemplating about coming out

now, but don’t have the confidence - thinking about, being able to get

a job, acceptance of the society etc. Needless to say, transition is

painful.

 

I came out and I am very happy. My friends, family and some of my

friends (former devotees) also helped me thru it.

 

I shall try to articulate my perspective and understanding on some of

these questions based on my experience there. I am also trying to be

as much as objective and factual as possible. This is in response to

the questions from ……

 

It is very different and it would be very difficult to get an exposure

on her private face. I would like to put it this way. A person is

coming to see her in darshan, with his/her problem/question. She

would be (seemingly?) extremely compassionate, loving and

understanding towards the person to instill and nurture faith in Her

(especially if she sees the person important or necessary for the

organization (corporate. She would give lot of attention to your

issues.) She is amazingly intelligent, smart and also patiently

willing to go to that extra mile to make that happen. She is really

very good at that.

 

Once that happens, you are opening up yourself to a wonder world of

faith (devotee), devotion and a sense of sublime surrender being

generated from a false sense of security with your relation to the

DIVINE, then more or less your sense of rationalization stops. You

start attributing some good happenings or nice coincidences in your

life as HER grace and some unfortunate incidents as wake up calls for

not being able to follow her teachings. The ideals of selfless

service would be awe-inspiring.

 

Once you become blind by faith, you will find yourself relying more

and more on the feeling of devotion with her. With your intellect

being open to her teachings (spiritual?) you tend to look at life and

the world in a specific way and tend to become more and more comfortable

and moving in the " devotee " circle.

 

Don’t think that, the whole experience and journey is very depressing

or confusing. It is not; it gives you a real " high " especially in the

beginning. This is rather a generic process of becoming an insider.

Of course there exists many possible permutations and combinations to

it. The person becomes accustomed with the new life and moves on.

Slowly, over the years and many experiences make them feel and think

that this life is worthless and they decide to move out .It may not happen

to every one though, many are confused. Over the years, the number of

people moving out is increasing is for sure.

 

Now comes the interesting part, once you tend to make a step in that

direction of moving out. You would be persuaded initially in a loving

and caring way - not to do so. But it is also directly proportional

to your level of commitment and devotion and devotion towards her.

Once she senses that you have LOST FAITH or rather have started

losing faith in HER. You could potentially see the ruthless and

the " other " face of her. Your character assassination will follow, so

that your " voice/reason " would not have any value there. Mostly she

would make your life very, very difficult inside the ashram in a very diplomatic

way.

 

The devotees or disciples do feel scared to come out primarily, their

entire world was revolving around HER and HER organization which is

considered divine and to emotionally come out of it and feel the

confidence to live outside in the world is not easy for a person who

practiced " Blind Faith and spirituality " . Rather, it is a shock to

realize the loss of faith. It is altogether a different topic to

discuss. But the process would be " Enlightening " .

 

The organization never entertains interaction between people inside the ashram,

who are renunciates with the people who have LOST FAITH as this would be the

people who can potentially encourage or confuse the people inside who are

considering leaving.

 

Having said that, I would like to highlight one most important point,

she has lot of talents and skills - she could talk to a scientist and

an artist, a business man and a " common man " with equal ease and

impress upon them with her practical wisdom. She is very good in

making good calculated judgments may be even farsighted. She is

highly autocratic but able to conceal it with diplomacy. But it is

definitely human than divine. But for people (devotees) blind with

faith it is divine. I am neither a devotee nor an admirer (anymore), but

don’t undermine her raw human talent and skills that she is able to

use to build her corporate empire in the " Faith " industry. It is very

very important to acknowledge that aspect of her to confront with the

much talked about pseudo Divine persona.

 

I am not sure, whether it made any sense from the reader's

perspective - but it has more to it. It is only a tip of an iceberg.

 

When the ashram started Amrita TV under the banner of the AEPL (Amrita

Enterprises Pvt Ltd), the money to jump start the program was pooled

from the Pharmacy at AIMS. More over, they get large volumes of

medicines from Pharmaceutical companies as free samples (in the name

of charity) and sell it to the public through the pharmacy. Think

about it, an entertainment industry supported by the money from the

poor and under privileged. It does not make sense.

 

Pinarayi Viajayan is the  state secretary and her daughter

were given a free admission (worth 12500$) to Amrita Engineering college. Since

then no one has uttered a word or protest against the illegal - management fee

collected by Amrita educational institutions.

E.P Maharaja given free/highly subsidized rate for heart surgery at AIMS

hospital. Remember Kerala is currently governed by communist party. These are

not the poor and needy. Grand daughter of ex- congress minister -

Balakrishna Pillai given free medical admission at AIMS (100000$).

This was when congress in power.

 

I had the feeling of not wanting to be connected to the organization through the

initial period of " coming out "  and I really didn’t want to think or associate

with Her or her organization anymore. The sense of betrayal and the sense of

loss, coupled with the pressure to get back to Life was traumatic. Especially

the militant mind set of the ashram organization under her direction tend to

make it even worse.