Prayer of Rehnquishment

[Guest guest]

Prayer

of Rehnquishment

By Dr. G. R.

Vijayakumar

'What you are is God's gift to you. What you

make of yourself is your gift to Him.'

Like most Sai

devotees, when I first began active experi­mentation with prayer to Sai Baba, I was full of questions, such as: Why are some

agonizingly sincere prayers granted, while others are not? Today I still have

questions. Mysteries of Sai Baba are always ahead of

present knowledge - luring, beckoning on to further experimentation. But one

thing I do know - I learned it through hard experience. It is a way of my

prayer to Sai Baba that has resulted consistently in

a glorious answer, glorious because each time power beyond human reckoning has

been released. This is the prayer of relinquishment.

 

I got my first glimpse of it in the fall of

1985. I had then sustained an injury to my right shoulder and the arm was out

of use for over two months. Long immobilization practically made me unable to

lift the right limb above the chest-level. A bevy of specialists and

physiotherapy seemed unable to help. Persistent prayer to Sai

Baba, using all the faith I could muster, had resulted in nothing.

 

One

afternoon, a pamphlet was put in my hands. It was the story of a missionary who

had been an invalid for eight years. Constantly she had prayed that God would make

her well so that she might do his work. Finally, worn out with futile petition,

she prayed: 'All right, I give up. If you want me to be an invalid, that is

your business. Anyway, I want you even more than I want health. You decide'. In

two weeks the woman was out of bed, completely well.

 

This made no sense to me, yet I could not forget

the story. On the morning of 18th October 1985 - how can I for­get the date? - I came to the same point of

abject acceptance. 'I am tired of asking' was the burden of my prayer. 'I am

beaten through, Sai Maharaj;

you decide what you want for me'.

 

My wife suggested that we go over to Bangalore as my sister, Mrs. Usha Ranganathan, was returning to India from USA. We could not only receive her but also participate in the 'Punya Thithi' celebrations at Sri

Sai Spiritual Centre, Bangalore on November, 23rd and 24, 1985. I told her that if Saipadananda Radhakrishna Swamiji gives mean indication that I should be present at

the Mahasamadhi Celebrations' we would surely go over

to Bangalore. I had no faith as I understood faith, expected nothing. The gift

of my sick-self made me say these with no trace of graciousness.

 

The mail brought me a deluxe invitation from Sai Spiri­tual Centre, Bangalore. It was unexpected as well as surprising because I am not a

member of the centre. Sai Maharaj

and Gurudev Radhakrishna Swamiji greeted me and beckoned me to be present at Bangalore for the Mahasamadhi Celebrations and Kumbabhishekam of the renovated temple. The riddle of my

getting this V. I. P. invitation was solved by Mr. S. P. Nanjunda

Mudaliar, then President of Sai

Spiritual Centre, later at Shirdi in February 1986.

He told me that Sai Baba prompted him to dispatch

invitations to all Sai bandhus

who had contributed articles to the Souvenir of the forthcoming Devotees'

Convention. As my article too found a place in the Souvenir, I got an

invitation to attend the Mahasamadhi Celebrations.

 

As I saw the invitation for Mahasamadhi

day as well as the 'Kumbabhishekam' of the Sai Spiritual Centre, tears flowed. It was as if I had

touched a button that opened windows in heaven, as if some dynamo of heavenly

power began flowing.

 

Within minutes I had experienced the presence of

the living Sai Baba and Radhakrishna

Swamiji in a way that wiped away all doubt and

revolutionized my life. From that moment my recovery began.

 

We journeyed to Bangalore on the night of November 19th 1985. We were stunned to see the magnificent change that had come at

the Sai Spiritual Centre. As I offered my obeisance

to Sai Maharaj and Swamiji, a surprise awaited me. I could lift my arm. There

was no more the disability.

 

As I sat in a corner of the Centre, Sai Baba was try­ing to teach me something important

about prayer. Gradually, I saw that a demanding spirit, with self-will as its

rudder, blocks prayer. I feel that the reason for this is that Sai Baba absolutely refuses to violate our free-will that,

therefore, un­less self-will is voluntarily given up, even Sai Baba cannot move to answer prayer.

 

In time, I gained more understanding about the

prayer of 'Relinquishment' through the experiences of others in conte­mporary

life and through Sai Satcharitra.

Sai Baba's life is a pattern for us, I learned. He

could have avoided his Asthmatic attacks. He did not have to give up his body

for three days on the lap of Mahlsapathy to get rid

of Asthma. He had the power, but Sai Baba used His

free will to leave the decision to 'Allah-Malik'. Sri Junnerkar in his

novel on Sai Baba 'THE MISSION DEVINE' brings Sai Baba's prayer into focus for us. " Dear Allah, all

things are possible to you, please let me not suffer from these attacks of

Asthma. Yet it is not what I want, but what you want " .

 

The

prayer was not answered as the human Sai Baba wished.

Yet power has been flowing from His tomb at Shirdi

ever since. Even as he was suffering from repeated attacks of Asthma, Sai Baba never forgot the presence or the power of God. The

prayer of 'Relinquishment' must not be inter­preted negatively. It does not

let us lie down in the dust of a God-less universe and steer ourselves just for

the worst. Rather it says: 'This is my situation at the moment. I will face the

reality of it. But I will also accept willingly what­ever a loving father

sends'. Acceptance therefore never slams the door on hope.

 

It is good to remember that not even an expert

cowherd can lead if the cows have not this trust and insist on running ahead of

him or taking side paths or just stubbornly refusing to follow him. That is why

Sai Baba commended: " Cast your burdens on me. I

shall surely carry them " . Our pliability must be complete, from our wills

right on through to our actions. So Mother Sathya Kapoor, wife of Sri P.K. Kapoor,

1121, Chah Rabat, Delhi - 110006, found as she wrestled in prayer years ago. Their only child

Rachna was seriously ill. The attending physician

warned that unless the young girl's fever abated before morning she would die.

 

As Mother Sathyaji sat

by Rachna's bed her thoughts went to what her husband

had said earlier that day: " I can­not endure the alternations of hope

and fear, therefore I have settled with myself not to hope at all " . But

the mother could not share Kapoorji's hopelessness. Rachna could not, must not die. This daughter has a fine

mind and attractive features. Why should some capricious providence demand that

they give her up?

 

As the night deepened, the girl lay so still

that she seemed to be in the ante-room of death. The mother went to the window

and looked out. There was no moonlight; a dark and silent sky was heavy with clouds.

 

" I cannot bear this loss - cannot -

cannot......., "

Then suddenly, unaccountably, another thought took over, " Why

should I doubt the goodness of Sai Baba? Let him take

Rachna, if he sees best, I can give her to him. No, I

won't fight against him anymore " .

 

Then an even stronger thing happened. Having

made the great sacrifice, Mother Sathyaji expected to

feel sadder. Instead she felt lighter, happier than at any time since Rachna's illness had begun.

 

Some minutes later, she walked back to the

girl's bedside, felt her daughter's forehead. It was moist and cool. Rachna was sleeping naturally. And the mother rushed in to

the next room to tell her husband that a miracle had happened.

 

Now the intriguing question is: What is the

spiritual law implied in this prayer of 'Relinquishment'? Fear is like a screen

erected between us and Sai Baba, so that His power

cannot get through to us. So how does one get rid of fear? This is not easy

when the life of someone dear hangs in the balance, or when what we want most

is involved. At such times, every emotion, every passion, is tied up in the

dread that what we fear most is about to come upon us. Obviously only drastic

measures can deal with such a gigantic fear and the demanding spirit that

usually goes along with it. My experience has been that repeating ‘OM SAI

SRI SAI JAYA JAYA SAI’ as a faith affirmation

is not drastic enough.

 

So then

we are squarely up against the law of relinquishment. Was Sai

Baba showing us to use this law when He said: " Why fear when I am

here " In Sai's eyes, fear is evil because it is

acting out of lack of trust in Him. So he is advising: " Resist not

fear " . In other words, Sai Baba is saying, admit

the possibility of what you fear most. And lo, as you stop feeling, force

yourself to walk up to the fear, look it full in the face - never forgetting

that Sai Baba and His powers are still the supreme

reality-the fear evaporates. Drastic? Yes. But it is

one sure way of releasing prayer power into human affairs.