Love walking on 2 feet

[Guest guest]

If one is asked to say what Sathya Sai Baba is all about, the answer

would be clear and definitive Love. A German woman, who saw Sai Baba

for the first time, felt that he was the embodiment of love. And

Professor Varoneshky of the University of Arizona, a noted and

renowned specialist in the study of aura surrounding the faces of

individuals, was struck with awe and wonder because he had never in

his life seen such an aura on the face of any individual in the

world. He had the wide experience of studying the halo on the faces

of great and eminent men of the present century, men of power,

statesmen, scientists, artists, social reformers, saints and sages.

But all seemed to him to be just human and mortal. But after seeing

the halo on the face of Sri Sathya Sai Baba, he felt the thrill of

joy akin to ecstasy and wondered if such an expansive aura can ever

surround the face of a mere human being.

 

Professor Varoneshky described this particular aura as white and pink

of the colour of love. When bhajans were sung in the prayer hall, the

white and predominantly pink aura turned golden, the colour of the

sun and then into an expansive blue, and the boundless energy of

creation. And we know that blue colour is also symbolic of love.

Professor Varoneshky saw in the eyes of Baba diamond like brilliance.

Though Varoneshky is a Catholic, he felt convinced that aurawise, Sri

Sathya Sai Baba was God, the primal source of love. Indeed Sathya Sai

Baba was the very quintessence of Love. Many other devotees of Baba

have also had the experience of witnessing the halo surrounding the

face of Baba. We have already noticed in the earlier chapter how John

Scher, an American devotee, witnessed the pink and bluish halo

expanding and spreading all over the sky and the faraway horizons.

 

Sri Sathya Sai Baba has said:

 

I am the embodiment of love and love is my instrument mine is love

that is pure, free, selfless and unconditional.

 

And further he has said:

 

Sai is infinite love. It is this love that pervades and appears in

the entire universe around us. This love is seated ever in your

hearts. The universe is Sai. You are Sathya Sai. Love is my form,

truth is my breath, and peace is my food. My life is my message.

 

Through constant reiteration of this love, he has clearly and

transparently demonstrated both by precept and actual practice that

he is the living configuration of love that only God can be. He is

the kind of love that surpasses in magnitude and intensity the love

of one thousand mothers.

 

Sai Baba has declared explicitly that Love is God.

 

It is love that transfigures and transubstantiates everything and

binds all into one volume.

 

Sai Baba has made some extremely precious and beautiful and memorable

observations that are truly reminiscent of the teachings of

Jesus Christ and offer concrete and tangible suggestions for mankind

to live by. For instance, he says:

 

God is the source of all love. Love God; love the world as the

vesture of God, no more, no less. Through love you can merge in the

ocean of love. Love cures pettiness, hate and grief. Love loosens

bonds. It saves man from the torments of birth and death. Love binds

all hearts into a soft, silken symphony. Seen through the eyes of

love, all beings are beautiful, all deeds are dedicated, all thoughts

are innocent, and the world is one vast kin.

 

And here is another practical and easy way to work for the expansion

of this universal love to attain the bliss of attaining God:

 

Love for all should spontaneously flow from your heart and sweeten

all your words. The best spiritual discipline that can help man is

love. Foster the tiny seed of love that clings to me and mine. Let it

sprout into love for the group around you and grow into love for all

mankind, and spread out its branches over animals, birds, and those

that creep and crawl and let the love enfold all things and beings in

all the world. Proceed from less love to more love, narrow love to

expanded love.

 

And furthermore, the practice of expanding the love rhythmically to

embrace all and every sentient thing and the recognition of sparks of

the same divinity is the end of all spiritual exploration. Baba says:

 

When you know that you are but a spark of the divine and that all

else are the same divine spark, you look upon all with reverence and

true love. Your heart is filled with supreme joy and the canker of

egotism is rendered ineffective. Man is seeking joy in far-off

places, in quiet spots, not knowing that the spring of joy is in the

heart, the heaven of peace is in himself. Love is God; God is the

embodiment of perfect love. So he can be known, reached and won only

through love. You can see the Moon only with the moonlight.

 

Such facets of the divine diamond can be seen and realized through

intensive study of all that Baba has said in his discourses and

vahinis. But the important and crucial question is the apprehension

and true understanding of the secret of Baba's extreme love and its

redeeming, transcendental power. That is to say, divine love and its

eternal radiance and transforming power can only be experienced

because as Professor Gokak, the renowned Indian English poet, has

said in images of poetry,

 

.... But divine love

is the naked majesty of midnight stars

It is an infinite and luminous downpour

That fills all your being

To the very cells of the body...

Divine love descends on you

As from the Milky Way

And more and more, the more open you are.

It upholds your sail on the ocean of being

And is the chart(er) of uncharted seas

Human love is the fire of the body

That created man in the image of man.

It is the sallying out of the self to self.

But divine love is the light of the heaven

That recreates man in the image of God.

 

Sri Sathya Sai Baba has declared that his love flows to everyone, to

every sentient thing of the universe. In fact, it is this love that

sustains the universe. He says, 'If you take one step towards me, I

shall take a hundred steps towards you. If you shed one tear, I will

wipe a hundred tears.' His love is selfless and without any

condition. 'Love is my very nature,' he says. The greatest attribute

of selfless divine love is that it is not bound by the fetters of

attachment or craving for any return. It is universal as well as

impersonal. In the words of Professor Gokak, 'Baba's love floods the

vast spaces of the soul. Although it is marked by supreme detachment,

it irrigates the arid heart that it may burst into bloom. It is

beautiful itself.' Further, Professor Gokak says:

 

At an informal meeting, one of the group asked Baba, 'Swamiji, what

is the secret of the' cure that many afflicted persons experience in

your presence Baba said simply and instantly: 'It is my experience

that I am one with every sentient thing, every human being. My love

flows out to everyone, for I see everyone as myself. If a person

reciprocates my love from the depth and purity of his heart, my love

and his meet in unison and he is cured of his affliction. Where there

is no reciprocation, there is no cure...' Baba's love knows no

frontiers. It overflows all boundaries. Like the universal sun it

shines on all, whether they be sun worshippers or owls.

 

Sai Baba as the single flame and still centre holding the universe in

his palm is the fountain of love, pure love. He is indeed a symbol

perfected in love. God who is SatBeing Awareness-Bliss, can also be

fairly described as a symbol perfected in love. Human love is

generally fragmentary just as the finite human consciousness

itself. 'Who, if I cried, would hear me among the angelic orders?

That was the dilemma before Rainer Maria Rilke, the modern German

poet. Torn up and disconsolate at witnessing the great conflagration

during the second world war and assailed by thousand and one doubts

and distractions he mused over the human condition and had a true

vision of the essential human frailty and human lot. He felt as never

before that human consciousness is finite and fragmented in the

extreme. But there is another kind of consciousness that is undivided

and complete. Rilke saw a series of visions at Scholos Duino. Plagued

and tormented by the insufficiency of the human condition, the poet

set out to capture that elusive and beautiful vision of supreme

felicity as represented by the angels, the lovers and all those who

have gone to the world of the dead. Similarly, human love is broken,

transitory and fragmented, and the central thrust of the pilgrim soul

is to aspire for divine love as also for the final merger with the

Eternal Absolute, SatSai Baba in some of his letters and poems,

addressed to the beloved students of Sri Sathya Sai College of Arts

and Sciences, has urged them to move into another intensity and merge

themselves into Him. He says in one such poem:

 

Live ... live ... live in perfect accordance

With My laws, and wonders will ensue.

Let old memories well up in you

From my subconscious in you...

Old patterns...

Old forgotten patterns and thoughts.

Now plunge them into the Ocean of Light

Burn them from the Consciousness

So that you may be

True emblems of my Being.

Right now visualise my burning Flame

Rising higher and higher

As it burns through you...

It is a flame that is cooling

Cleansing and healing;

That soothes the hidden sorrow...

And leaves you calm and quiet.

Test in my Love

Let all that you have been through

In your many lives up to this day,

Melt away in my redeeming Light.

Children of My Being

Dissolve your sorrows and fears in me.

Let me efface all your Karma

Come back into my Consciousness, which is your own true consciousness

Let your petty human consciousness fade away, right now, when you

come to me, who am your inner self.

You are my own radiant Glorious Self

No longer separate from me

Melt with Me, merge with Me..

Become Me.

 

It is great poetry as it represents the true voice of feeling and the

depth of highest kind of ardour and love which are the hall­marks of

the Divine. As a Professor of English literature, this author feels

frankly and candidly that it nearly transcends all existing monuments

of devotional poetry that he has known. In the greatest of devotional

poets, from Dante downwards to Milton, Donne, Herbert and Vaughan ...

to Mira, Tulsidas, Hopkins to T.S. Eliot, the motivating force has

been the prayer and the supplication of the meditating and the

praying mind to voice the spiritual aspirations of the poet in apt

and adequate metaphors of poetry. Most of such great poetry has

either been devotional or else visionary, tenuous or abstract. But

here is another kind of poetry, not penned by the aspirant praying

for the one barely prayable prayer for the one Annunciation, divine

grace and mercy from that Ocean of Mercy. It is the blessing and

grace of the Divine exhorting the devotees to merge with Him and

become Him. In this sense, it is the fullest gift of grace and love

that mankind can ever hope to realize. This is a burning example of

what Divine Love can be and how it can confer salvation on the

spiritual aspirant. In another beautiful prose passage, Sri Sathya

Sai Baba explains and points out the plenitude of Divine Love:

 

My dears,

 

Sai is Love. He is compassion and kindness itself. He is ever

dwelling in the hearts of you all. To trust him means freedom from

all anxiety, fear and doubts. He is you, all-in pall. When you have a

Lord of the Universe to depend upon why should you be afraid or

anxious about anything? His great assurance should always sustain

you ... The Almighty Lord of the world is seated in your heart, is

the sole doer. You are mere puppets. Let him make you dance as he

wills. Yours is not to question 'Why? Difficulties and worries are

not due to outside causes. They are due to a mind not surrendered

unto God.

 

With love and blessings,

 

Baba

 

In another beautiful and memorable poem, Baba voices his great love

for the students and uses resilient and functional imagery of a rare

sort. The sense of complete oneness or unity of the human and divine

could not have been better expressed than in the following lines:

 

The bird with you, the wings with Me;

The foot with you, the way with Me;

The eye with you, the form with Me;

The thing with you, the dream with Me;

The world with you, the heaven with Me;

So are we free, so are we bound;

So we begin and so we end;

You in Me and I in you.

 

Sai Baba, as we have seen, is the repository of love, the perennial

comforter of bruised and torn hearts. He knows the agitation of every

mind. One may wonder, who, then, devised the torment, Love? No, the

torment is the fruit and consequence poem of G.M. Hopkins where he

voices his tone of desperation and anguish at not receiving the

divine comfort. He voices his agony in his characteristic style:

 

No worst, there is none, pitched past pitch of grief,

More pangs will, schooled at at fore pangs, wider wring,

Comforter, where, where is your comforting,

Mary, mother of us, where is your relief?

Hopkins voices his sense of anguish and desolation. But in Sai Baba

there is the loving and caring parent who is always beside his

children. Baba has said:

 

I am always with you, behind you, beside you, in front of you, in

your very heart.

 

And furthermore, he says:

 

You shed one tear and I will wipe a hundred from your eyes.

 

He also assures mankind that God is ever ready to help man in

calamitous time and clime:

 

God is the nearest, the dearest, the most loving, the most eager

companion for man.

 

Not only this, Sai love is so powerful, expansive and intense that

guards and protects all those who reciprocate his love and surrender

to him. This love is, in nature, both protective and redemptive. In

another beautiful poem, Sai Baba gives positive assurance to his

beloved children that he is always with them:

 

Dear, dear loved one

 

You ask:

How will you know when I am near you?

When on a sultry night

Everything is hot and still

The first cool breeze

Brushes your cheeks

I am caressing you

Think of Me.

When the pangs of hunger are satisfied

And loneliness is pierced by happiness

Think of Me.

When I sprinkle your face with rain

And wash the earth; the dry brown leaves

The first smell of clear rain I am cleansing you.

Think of Me.

When pain dissolves

And fear disappears

Think of Me.

While steadfast eyes are horrified

By the cruelties of life

The first glance of the silent setting sun

I am comforting you

Think of Me.

Then you ask:

How will you know when you are near me?

When pain becomes unbearable

You smile

And you love Me.

When I take from you

Your most cherished possession

On the first loss of your sight

Darkness envelops you

And you love Me...

 

For everything you see, hear, smell, taste or touch belongs to me. So

how can you give to me what I already am but your love? And that I

gave to you before time began as your sole possession. When you

return it to me, then you will know you are truly mine and I will

dissolve your sorrow and happiness into me. That.... being me, I will

place you in Bliss forever for I love you and think of you constantly.

 

From your most loving Father.

 

Sai Baba being both the Divine father and mother, the creator and the

preserver he is always with us sustaining our love for him. And we

love him because he first loved us.

 

Thus, we come to the inevitable conclusion that Sai love is many a

splendoured thing, which like a sunbeam gives life and energy to all.

And like a rainbow it is compounded of many colours. It has multiplex

dimensions and can be fully absorbed and assimilated if one is ready

to receive it. Its sure and most remarkable manifestation takes place

only when the positive and negative poles of electricity meet in

unison. This analogy of the electric current has been given by Sai

Baba himself when he explained to Mr. R.K. Karanjia how the

miraculous cures, remote controlled surgical operations, rescue of

the devotee from drowning and other such critical situations overtake

the devotees. The effect of Sai love is exquisitely comforting and

far & #8209;reaching and its limit is the sky itself. Baba's love is

greater than the sum total of the love of a thousand mothers. At the

same time one cannot understand the magic and alchemy of this love

and its boundless transforming power unless one has experienced it

oneself. In this context, it may be fair to quote here the statement

of Professor V.K. Gokak. When questioned by the representative of

Movement Newspaper in America how living with Sai Baba so closely for

many a year has affected his own character and being, Professor Gokak

said:

 

M.N.: I have heard you say that living so close to Baba you sometimes

can get 'burned'. To what does it refer?

 

Gokak: It means that he is all perfection. In that light around him,

no iota of untruth can survive. No insincerity can have any place

around him. But we are imperfect; that is why we are human. In our

dealings with him we will try sometimes to impose that imperfection

on him without our knowledge. He is very sorry for us because he

knows that we are going to be burned...but if one understands what is

happening that it is the impurity that is being burned, and then one

can understand it all right. Plus, there is Baba's game ... While

this is happening, his love is still there ... It still flows to the

person. This is what saves and heals him ... You are on the top of a

volcano ... As Baba has been saying 'The nearer and dearer you are,

the greater are your chances of getting burned.'

 

Professor Gokak has given a personal testament saying how Sai wrought

a miracle, bringing about a sea-change and transformation in his

emotional life. A poet that he is, Professor Gokak says that his

personality was an adamant rock that prevented the waters from

flowing out. His predominantly intellectual make & #8209;up, spirit of

detachment, restraint, poise and central control of emotions

prevented him from giving vent to his feelings. He says that the

living contact with Baba took him from the arid desert of

impersonality to the vast expanse of emotion. It seemed as though

Baba had cut a little of that adamant rock to allow the fertilising

waters of love to flow. That is what Baba did for him without his

knowing it. At this stage, the present author, who had known

Professor Vinayak Krishna Gokak for a number of years, nearly thirty

years, can very well testify to the change registered in the

personality of the learned professor and an eminent intellectual of

the country. Having worked with him at the Indian Institute of

Advanced Study, Simla where Professor Gokak was the Director, and

again at Prasanthi Nilayam where he was the founder Vice Chancellor

of Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning, the author had

numerous occasions to perceive the soft, tender, warm and

affectionate nature of the late Professor. Indeed, the gush of the

fountain of love and jets of its energy came out unhindered from the

inner spring of his heart.

 

Another reference and grateful acknowledgement to Baba for bringing

about a change in the nature and world-view by the impact of Baba on

his personality and character has been made by no less a person than

Dr. Samuel Sandweiss. He says in answer to the following question:

 

Question: Dr. Sandweiss, you described in your chapter on psychiatry

a new element that Sathya Sai Baba has added to your understanding of

human nature that of divine love. Can you tell us a little bit how

that's affected your work in the United States?

 

Answer: Baba's love touches us at such depth and with such intensity

that one can only describe it as omnipresent, unconditional,

boundless, divine. It is his greatest gift to us, a gift that

transforms the devotee and I'm sure will transform the world as well.

My first experience of this love was so profoundly moving that I saw

in it the basic force, which supports and sustains us all. Since then

I have come to see my life's work as trying to purify my own capacity

to love, to express this love with those who come to me for help and

to help modem day psychotherapists come to know of this love that

heals all illnesses.

 

.... Perhaps I can begin by describing the impact and meaning of my

first experience of Sai love. Throughout my personal and professional

life, I had been searching for peace of mind, how I achieve this for

myself and help with its achievement by others ... Although many

patients were brought through crisis and felt better emotionally;

there was still uncertainty, worry and unresolved sufferings in their

lives. Still unanswered were such basic spiritual questions as 'who

am I in the vastness of this infinite universe? Why am I here? What

is the purpose of my life? How shall I lead it? I could see that

Western psychiatry had no answer. Neither my patients nor I had the

deep sense of peace and protection in our lives that one would hope

to find a closer relationship with a loving, caring God.

 

This may be considered to be a very revealing, convincing and vital

statement of Sai love not only for its impact on the personal level,

but also for its therapeutic value. Dr. Sandweiss goes on to describe

his feeling of ecstasy and bliss on receiving the shaft of sunlight

that Baba's love indubitably is. He says:

 

One evening after hearing Baba speak to his students I retreated

dejected and almost broken. I stood a great distance away from him,

many walls and many people separating us. I was in the moment of my

greatest pain, attracted by Baba's greatest vitality, love and sheer

beauty yet wanting to retreat ... I pictured myself being a penniless

outcast ... As I stood, steeped in this dark cloud of pain, I looked

up to find the most precious, tender healing light of love I had ever

witnessed. Baba came directly to me, smiling tenderly and playfully

capturing me in the radiant light of sheer bliss which sparkled in

his eyes. I was immediately immersed in his great joy and happy

beyond measure ... He reached out and gave me a small piece of candy

but the spiritual gift was immeasurable. What an immense revelation

to me; his understanding of another being deeper than anything I'd

ever realized before. In an instant he showed me he was nearer to me

than my very breath, that he actually resided in my heart, and,

what's more, he responded to my pain. He had waited for the moment

when I would be ready to understand and accept. In this tender,

intimate act of compassion, I saw the glory of his omniscience and

omnipresence, the mighty transforming and healing power of his

unconditional love. And he wanted nothing in return.

 

The personal experience of Dr. Sandweiss is no longer personal; it is

the externalization of the innermost realization in the internal

castle of the mind, the awareness of a love that is truly like a boon

and a blessing. It fertilizes the groundswell of one's urges and

apprehensions to soar highter and still higher and to purify and

expand one's love beyond self. Baba has said in his own inimitable

way:

 

Love. Love alone can bind you to others and to God, who is the

embodiment of love. Love knows no fear, no anxiety, and no grief. I

am love. I shower love.

 

(Sathya Sai Baba)

 

Perhaps, it may not be out of place at this point, when the glory,

the splendour and the majesty of Sai love, which is mysterious,

unique, infinite and unknowable, to relate some of the deeply felt

tremors of that love which this author has come to realize during the

moments of his calamitous torments and sufferings and how soothing,

sweet and comforting can this love be in which one gets fully

immersed with the whole soul alive and have a fair glimpse of divine

love. The author would share some of the contours and magic of Sai

love and for this purpose a narration in the first person may be

necessary and desirable for the simple reason that only within the

texture of subjective presentation can the immediacy and urgency of

an intimate journal be properly communicated to others. Such an

account may fairly be described as a personal testament.

 

I lived a, more or less, lucid, calm and serene existence in my

adolescence and early youth. I was noble and idealistic and loved

people as loving was my innate and original impulse. I was full of

the milk of human kindness. Deeply attached to my family of parents,

brothers and sisters, I was ever ready to make the maximum sacrifice

for them. An emotional and loving temperament was my greatest

acquisition and strength. This was at the source of my kinship with

people. Coupled with this, I was endowed with a creative imagination

that expressed itself in my creative writings in Hindi short stories,

to be more precise, and at a comparatively tender age while I was

studying English literature at the Bachelor and Master's level, I had

the privilege of being known all over the country in the field of

Hindi fiction as a promising young writer. My short stories appeared

regularly in prestigious magazines and periodicals of the country and

they were taken note of by general readers and critics alike. By the

time I graduated with honours in English literature and joined the

master's course as graduate student in the same subject, two

collections of my short stories had been published. And there was no

turning back; the sky seemed to me to be the limit. And then dame

Fortune smiled on me and I was awarded a teaching Fellowship of

substantial value from an American University and I spent nearly two

and one & #8209;half years at the university and was awarded the degree

of doctor of philosophy in English. My doctoral dissertation on T.S.

Eliot's later poetry was highly commended by the examiners ... so

much so that my major professor said that I was the best student he

had ever had. And another German Professor was simply lyrical in my

praise. He gave me a testimonial saying that 'Krishna is a poet, not

the kind of poet who writes verses. He is a poet who sees the simple

in its inexorable complexity and the complex in its tantalizing

simplicity. He will be an eye and a voice to his people. Whoever will

be kind to Krishna will receive the blessings that come from a noble

mind and a beautiful soul. He is an honour to his country and a

source of pride for all men.'

 

I experienced the warmth, love and admiration of all my fellow

students, teachers and the President of the University, which filled

me with ecstasy. I was truly on the crest of the wave. Back in India,

I was in for a phase of disaffection and disillusionment. I was

baptized in pain and suffering and even the Gods who love honest and

sensitive men put me on the wheel of fire. My efforts to get a good

position in the universities failed and I felt terribly sad and

disconsolate. What was worse, the very base of my life, my family

posed many a problem for me. My only daughter, Rashmee, showed

symptoms of the terrible disease schizophrenia when she was a teen-

aged student in the high school and I knew for the first time how

unnerving and tragic the whole situation can be. Life, then, became a

blazing inferno, a cauldron of fire where I had to dance in measure

like a dancer. My very existence, safety and work were threatened,

for there was no knowing what would happen the next day. Rashmee was

very unwell. She raged and raved and it became increasingly difficult

to contain her or to keep her in the house.

 

I took her to all the major psychiatric clinics and sanatoriums of

mental health, but there was absolutely no relief whatsoever, and the

tender plant that she was, withered and there was no end to the

withering of flowers. It was at this time that I sincerely prayed to

some super power to terminate the torment and save the life of my

beloved daughter. At that time I was serving as a Visiting Fellow at

the All India Institute of Advanced Study, Simla, where Professor

V.K. Gokak was the Director. As he knew about my problems, so he

sincerely advised me to pray to Sai Baba. It is he who can cure

her. 'Look, Professor Sinha, yours is a difficult problem in which

none else but God can help. It is a dilemma which I myself had gone

through. My daughter, too, had mental weakness. I kept her at home

and had to pay the price. I was away to the United Kingdom on a short-

term assignment as Visiting Professor at Leeds University. One

morning when I was going to the university to continue my lecture on

Indo-English Literature, I got that dreadful news through a cable

from home. My crazed daughter, poor girl, had jumped down the well in

the compound of my house and had thus ended her life. It was a

tremendous shock but assuming that work is worship, I proceeded to

the university and somehow delivered my lecture with a broken heart.

There is nothing one can do but bear the onslaughts of outrageous

fortune. The other alternative, though it may sound extremely

callous, even heartless, is to put your daughter permanently in a

lunatic asylum so that you can live in peace. This is a pragmatic

approach and perfectly logical and practical. But I know it is easier

said than done. Of course, Sai Baba can cure her by his Grace. Why

not take a chance? Professor Gokak whispered in a sibilant voice.

 

However, the situation took a turn for the worse. Rashmee suffered

yet another setback and lost her balance altogether. I got alarmed

and felt that I would lose her in the hilly terrain of Simla with

deep ravines and precipices. So I had no option but to resign my post

prematurely and rejoin my post at Bihar University, Muzaffarpur. Soon

a research student, Miss Shelia Prasad, came to see me and offered me

a coloured photograph of Sri Sathya Sai Baba. 'Sir, I am aware of

your problem. Please worship Sai Baba. He is an ocean of mercy. He

will listen to your prayer, I believe!

 

Thus, there was the beginning of the end of my problem. The visiting

card of Baba poured in the shrine and fragrant aroma of vibhuthi

appeared on the pictures as well as on the floor. The whole house

smelt of a strange aroma and excitement was high. My ardent desire

now was to visit Puttaparthi and to seek the blessings of that God

incarnate who walks the earth in human form. But where was the

wherewithal, the money to undertake that long trip? But Baba had a

different design for me. His calls are strange and unique and when

the right time comes, even Karma has to be burnt out. Another

research student of mine, a lecturer in a women's college, had

submitted her doctoral thesis on the poetry of Wallace Stevens, under

my direction. I had put Professor Narasimmaiah of Mysore University

on the panel of examiners. Although he had given his approval to the

thesis, he declined to travel way up north to conduct the vivatest of

the candidate; rather he suggested that the test could be arranged at

Mysore itself should the administration of Bihar University agree to

it. The Vice Chancellor of my university was pleased to sanction the

holding of vivatest at Mysore. And in the summer of 1973, 1 proceeded

to Mysore along with my wife and daughter. The candidate and her

husband also accompanied us so that there was good company. After the

vivatest was completed, we made our maiden journey to Puttaparthi and

waited tensely for the darshan of Baba. Swami went straight to the

women's section in the darshan line and picked up my wife and

daughter for a personal interview. And Baba asked Rashmee, 'Where's

your papa? Call him.'

 

Words fail to describe that momentous interview which was bound to

have a lasting impact on me and initiate me to the world of deathless

devotion and ardour without end and love unlimited. Baba took me to

an ante room below the stair and looked at me with his eyes brimming

with love, 'Ah, what a suffering!' I remember, there was so much of

feeling and concern over my lot and that of Rashmee. I instantly

broke down and tears gushed forth from my eyes. 'Swami, you know

everything. Now I have come to you.' Baba smiled serenely and said,

with great assurance in his voice, 'Don't worry. Swami will set right

everything. She is mentally weak, but she will gradually improve.

Give her the vibhuthi in a tumbler of water. She will be all right.'

We knelt at the lotus feet and holding the packets of vibhuthi

emerged out of the interview room to the open field lit up by the

rosy beams of the setting sun. I felt comforted and radiantly happy,

and said to myself, 'there must be some merit in your life that after

so much of suffering and parched landscapes of your life, Baba, like

the benevolent God, has sent you rain. His words never fail. Be

assured that Rashmee will recover from her ordeal and be whole

subsequently. So, cheers!'

 

I mused: hadn't my cup of suffering been full? And I grieved and

grieved and cried in total anguish and ceaseless torment. I wondered

if there was some super power in the cosmos that could bring me

relief like sunlight on a broken column. And I had waited all these

years of crucifixion and baptization in pain for the advent of a ray

from the supreme which could open up for me the new vistas and

avenues of hope, faith and love. I returned home with a new sense of

faith, hope and love. It was now heartening to notice a gradual and

certain change in the mental condition of Rashmee. She was calmer

than before and took special keenness in reading books about Sai Baba

and performing pooja in the shrine and usually getting ecstatic and

thrilled whenever she noticed traces of vibhuthi, kumkum and turmeric

on the photographs. And what is more, she often reported that she had

seen Sai Baba in her dreams. She was quiet and fairly composed and

her usual tantrums of the previous months were now a thing of the

past. Everything seemed to be going on pretty well and I came to

realize that I had found a new anchor for my soul, something to live

by. A new awareness had dawned upon me that of faith. Tender bud of

faith, hope and love seemed to sprout and both my wife and myself

lived in continual enchantment and feeling of security. But Baba had

ordained yet another test for us so as to help us perfect our will in

his will. During my outings I used to take Rashmee along with me so

that she could feel mentally refreshed and see places.

 

In one such outing, a mishap overtook us. I had an official

conference at Magadh University, Bodh Gaya. Rashmee was sleeping on

the terrace of the bungalow where we were staying. At midnight, she

screamed as though she had a nightmare and rushed towards the stair.

She took a false step in the waning moonlight and fell supine on the

level ground below the open terrace. It was a calamity; she was

rushed to the medical college hospital where X-ray was taken; a

hairline fracture in the first lumbar was detected, requiring

immediate hospitalization and three weeks' complete rest on bed. The

orthopaedic surgeon who treated her, expressed his apprehension that

her condition was alarming and may ultimately lead to permanent

paraplegia. However, we waited and prayed to Sai Baba to redeem the

situation and shower his grace on the unfortunate girl. There was

nothing else that we could do in the situation. I took a long leave

from work and nursed the patient amidst fluctuating moods of hope and

despair. After three weeks, the surgeon allowed the patient to go

home and use an orthopaedic belt around her waist and take regular

walks in the open air. He told me that he was amazed at the

improvement in the patient's condition and wondered how it had come

about. Very soon we were back to Muzaffarpur where the doctor of

doctors, our beloved Lord Sathya Sai Baba, took the entire

responsibility of the patient. By virtue of his omnipresence he

arranged for profuse supply of sacred ashes.

 

All that we did was to place a piece of paper in front of his

photograph in the worship room and he did the rest. Vibhuthi gathered

in thick cluster inexhaustibly and it was administered with a glass

of water at least twenty to thirty times in twenty-four hours. And

the result was astonishing. The improvement registered on the patient

was phenomenal and X-ray plates now showed complete healing and her

movement and gait became nearly normal. It was indeed a miracle of

love, the like of which I had never seen before. As a consequence of

this, our faith in, and love for Baba deepened and increased a

hundredfold. My wife particularly joined the local Sai Samiti and

attended Majans and participated in other social service. At her

behest weekly Majans were held at our residence in which a large

number of devotees were present and the many miracles continued

taking place. Large footprints of Swami appeared on the stairs and

the entrance routes and exit doors. The fluorescent tubes were aglow

on their own and the scent of jasmines floated in the air. On one

occasion, a mysterious visitor in the guise of a demented woman came

to the prayer hall and after the bhajan was over, she went out and

faded in the thin air on the street going out of the campus.

 

Messages also appeared mysteriously in the shrine and in one such

message there was a direction penned in green ink to the author to

write a book on Swami. All these phenomena were beyond my

comprehension, plunging me in a state of enlightened mystification.

And finally, I came to the only conclusion that Baba was surely and

truly divine ... the very embodiment of love. What he had done for

Rashmee was something, which only the divine parent could do.

 

Not that Rashmee was completely normal mentally; she still was

excessively emotional and flew into rage at the slightest provocation

and always wanted to have things her own way; but by and large, life

was peaceful and we enjoyed a session of serenity and pinned our

faith in Swami's words that she would recover in good time. His love

was in action and had fertilized the very ground of her

consciousness. She read all the books on Swami with great relish and

regarded him as her saviour. She always kept on insisting that she be

taken to Puttaparthi for the darshan of her saviour.

 

However, there was yet another reversion in her mental condition in

the year 1977, and this time in the hotel room at Bangalore. Rashmee

was tired and fatigued on account of the long journey and did not eat

and sleep well. As soon as we booked a room at Kapila hotel, she

started fretting and fuming unnecessarily and ran out of the room and

rushed to the crowded streets. It was difficult to restrain her. I

was utterly hopeless and disconsolate and was at my wits' end. It was

night time. There was heavy traffic on the streets and I feared if

Rashmee could save herself from being crushed by a car or a truck

plying on the road. At that time, help came from an unexpected

quarter. At once a driver stopped his tonga and accosted me. I told

him about Rashmee and her present mental condition. He offered to

render all possible help. He persuaded Rashmee to sit on the tonga

and took her to a hospital. I followed him on a scooter.

 

The doctor on emergency duty advised me to take her to the Institute

of Mental Health, which was located twenty kilometres away. Again the

tonga driver offered to accompany us. He left his tonga at the

hospital and accompanied us in a taxi to the famous Institute. I

thanked him very much. Rashmee was asked to wait in the ladies'

waiting chamber so that she could be admitted into the Institute on

the morrow. The doctor cautioned me to keep strict vigil on the

patient so that she might not run out, a possibility that often

happened in the case of deranged minds. I made her sleep on an empty

bench and waited outside in the verandah. But sleep and fatigue got

the better of me and I lapsed into temporary sleep. When I woke up

and cast a look I was stunned to find that the bench was empty and

Rashmee was not there. I made a frantic search all round the premises

and even looked for her in the sprawling verandah and adjoining lawns

and even across the street and tree-lined avenues and gardens nearby.

But there was no trace of Rashmee anywhere.

 

I reported the matter to the doctor on duty, but he was of no help

either. 'Didn't I warn you to keep a vigil on her? Now what can I do?

Please go out and report the matter to the police station. There is

one round the corner. Maybe, they will manage to get hold of her. You

should have been careful/ the doctor said in a sulky and accusing

tone. My heart beat faster and my mind seemed to reel. Tension filled

my bloodstream. Many dark and gloomy thoughts crowded my

brain. 'Shall I ever see Rashmee again? What chance was there to

locate her in the desert wilderness of the metropolis? Swami, I had

brought her for your darshan and blessings ... and she has been lost

and that too in a state of schizophrenic attack. But your will will

be done. Please have mercy on her and save her from possible

disaster! I thought and voiced my prayers to Swami. I returned to the

hotel where Rashmee's mother was anxiously awaiting our arrival. She

looked askance at me, but I could not utter a single word.

 

Sensing that I was dazed and in a state of shock, she asked with

concern, 'Where is Rashmee? Where have you left her?' I sobbed and

sobbed unable to speak a word. But after a while I composed myself

and related to her how Rashmee disappeared from the waiting chamber

in the Institute when I temporarily lapsed into sleep. She consoled

me and said gravely, 'It is not your fault. It's all her karma and

her fate. But do not worry. For those who have no refuge, there is

Swami to take care of them. His love for Rashmee has always been

demonstrated and I have no doubt in my mind that he would protect her

this time as well from any calamity. Let us go to Whitefield

rightaway! She said in a warm and resonant voice which seemed to ring

with firm faith and conviction. When the day dawned and the golden

rays of the sun wove patterns of red and vermilion we were on way to

Brindavanam, Whitefield with one member less. All our thoughts were

now centred on Swami. We reached Brindavanam and waited in the

darshan line. I scribbled a note hurriedly praying Swami to

intervene, and handed over the note to Swami when he came near me. He

cast a glance, which seemed to caress me as though waves and waves of

sympathy rolled over to me at least so it seemed to me.

 

When Swami returned to his bangalow and the bhajans started we sat

all through the session, thinking only about Rashmee and her sad

plight. Time passed. We did not even care to have the morning tea or

breakfast and even at lunch we did not feel like taking any food. It

was an Ash Wednesday for us. How could we think of taking any

nourishment when Rashmee was not with us and she might be hungry,

desolate and without protection? She was my daughter lost, the

favourite child so near and dear to me and the prospects of her

recovery seemed very dim indeed! We could not even summon the courage

to get back to the hotel and brood over the consequences of what had

happened. Doubts assailed my mind once again. Swami had blessed her

and had promised to set right everything. But in spite of improvement

in her mental condition for some time, there had been a reversion

landing her in a difficult situation when her safety and well-being

has been threatened. So, we remained at Brindavanam for the whole day

and attended the evening darshan and prayer. But nothing pleased us

and we desperately prayed to Swami to do something and soon.

 

When the shadows of the evening lengthened and dusk spread its inky

mantle on the streets, buildings and the facade of the horizons, we

reluctantly boarded a city bus and alighted near the Railway Station.

Once again, gloomy thoughts gripped our mind and tears trickled down

our face. As we moved slowly towards the crowded street near the

Kapila hotel, we saw a swarm of people crossing the road. And we

recognized a form resembling Rashmee in the melee of the unfamiliar

crowd, as she came closer, there was no doubt. It was she-Rashmee, My

beloved daughter. Was she the long lost daughter of King Pericles in

Shakespeare's Winter's Tale. Feeling surged in our hearts and tears

of joy welled up in our eyes. I fondly embraced Rashmee. She looked

tired and was coughing. 'Where had you been last night and the whole

day today?' I asked her in a numb voice.

 

'I was with Sai Baba,' she said enigmatically.

 

'O.K. you must be feeling hungry. Let us go to the cafe across the

road. We shall have some coffee and talk,' I told her.

 

Seated in a secluded cabin of the cafe, I ordered some snacks and

coffee and felt a deep sense of repose now that the precious and lost

member of the family was with us. She looked fairly quiet and

composed as though the delirium and the hysteria of the previous

night had subsided.

 

'Now tell me, dear, what happened when you slipped out of that

waiting hall?'

 

Rashmee said something that was truly amazing. She said: 'I ran out

of the hall because I had the impression that it was a hospital for

mad people. And I was very angry with you because I suspected that

you would leave me here alone amidst mad women. I was terrified and

ran out. I walked out of the hospital and came on the desolate

street. There was no traffic and no one was walking on the street. I

found a park adjacent to the road and entered it. I found a bench and

slept on it. Early in the morning at day break I was aroused by the

piercing rays of the sun falling on my eyes. I remembered that I had

none to look after me; both my mother and father had left me alone

and conspired to put me in a hospital for mad women. So I sobbed

spasmodically. At that time a fakir, wearing a loose gown and a cloth

tied to his head, came near me. He asked me tenderly, 'Why are you

crying, baby?'

 

'My parents have left me. I have to go to Whitefield to see Sai Baba.

Can you tell me how to go there? Can I get a bus to Whitefield?' I

asked him. He thought for a while and said, 'You have not taken any

food. You must be feeling hungry. Come with me. I will take you to an

eating-place and put you on a bus back to the place where your

parents are staying. They have not left you; rather they are worried

about you.' He bought some ground­nuts for me and took me to the bus

stand.

 

I asked, 'Tell me, father, who are you?

 

'Have you been to Shirdi? No? Come some time. I am always there/ he

whispered.

 

'But I have to go to see Sai Baba at Whitefield. Which bus will be

going there'? I enquired.

 

'Think that I am Sai Baba. First go to the place where your parents

are. They are greatly concerned about you. Then you can go to

Whitefield/ he advised me.

 

Rashmee continued, 'I reached the Railway Station and for the whole

day I have been wandering on the street. Papa, I must tell you the

fakir looked very much like that saint whose picture is in our

worship room at Muzaffarpur 'You mean Sai Baba of Shirdi?

 

'Yes,' she nodded.

 

It was a night of rejoicing. Next morning I took the bus to

Brindavanam, Whitefield and waited for Swami to come. He came out and

moved gracefully. The whole sky was lit up with the purple and pink

aura and the sky seemed to become orange. He came straight to me and

paused for a while, then he smiled faintly and whispered, 'So you

have got her. Are you happy now?' He sailed ahead, leaving me in a

state of trance. It was a message of joy, perennial joy. Here was the

loving and caring God ever ready to help us in the hours of our need,

all-knowing and omnipresent.

 

His love for Rashmee has again and again been manifested, the

positive poles of the electric current meeting the negative one. As

years have passed, Rashmee has shown steady progress towards

normalcy. But for that temporary reversion at Bangalore, there has

been no more disturbance in her mental poise. It may be said that

Rashmee's life is full of Sai love and it has taken her out of

critical situations. Another instance of Sai love can be related when

in 1990 Rashmee had some recurrence of pain in the spine and she was

really miserable. Sitting in the darshan line at Prasanthi Nilayam,

she was awaiting the arrival of Swami. It started raining very

heavily. Many devotees thought that it was an ordeal by water. In

another sense, it was a downpour of divine love, at least so it

proved to be for Rashmee. She was praying to Swami: 'Swami, how can I

bear this pain in my back? ... I do. not want to live in this

condition ... either cure me of this or take me to yourself for

eternal rest...' There was commotion in the line as Swami came to the

devotees on a car. Many village maids had thronged the place and as

Swami approached, they rushed towards him.

 

Rashmee, who was in the second line, was flung down by the terrible

rush of rustic women and fell on the feet of Swami. Swami assisted

her to get up by giving her a prop and in the process placed his palm

on the affected spot in the first lumbar and spoke to her softly, 'Do

not harbour such gloomy thoughts. Life and death are not in your

hands. Be happy and full of ananda always ... Swami is always with

you. Remember...' Rashmee felt from that moment onwards that all her

pain had vanished and she had regained her physical and mental well-

being. It has been a miracle of love. From these examples, it becomes

apparent that the love of Sai Baba is the greatest boon on earth that

one can hope to acquire. It is a transcendental sunbeam that

illumines the whole soul of man. Thus, Sai Baba, more than anything

else, is a symbol perfected in love.

 

This love operates continuously and on all levels. It was in the year

1985 that I relinquished my position as University Professor and

Chairman, Department of English, University of Bihar after the

completion of my term of service and joined the University of North

Bengal on a similar assignment. But again, Swami had some definite

plan for my future and I was one of the few fortunate ones who were

asked to serve at the lotus feet. On the fifteenth of July, 1985, 1

joined the most coveted and prestigious position as Professor and

Chairman, Department of English, Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher

Learning, a deemed university of which Bhagwan Sri Sathya Sai Baba

was the Chancellor and Professor V.K. Gokak, the founder Vice

Chancellor. I found the maximum level of satisfaction working at an

elite institution where work was akin to prayer and the challenges

were exciting. I have had the privilege of working at many

universities at home and abroad, but never before did I witness such

devotion and discipline, such an atmosphere of peace and tranquillity

and such a silken bond of love and affection permeating the campus

life.

 

Swami was there to oversee the whole programme and loved to meet the

teachers and students with a good deal of frequency, addressing them

on spiritual themes and transmitting the electric waves of pure love.

The teachers sat on the front verandah in front of the mandir in the

mornings and evenings and Swami was easily accessible to everyone and

he spoke to them whenever he liked to do so. There was always a sense

of nearness and intimacy and Swami's invaluable counsel was available

for the asking. All seemed to bathe in the effulgence and radiance of

divine love. Life was all this and heaven too, and I felt that such

singular good fortune of being so near to the Lord of the Universe

must have meant great merit in one's so many earlier incarnations. At

least I felt so and realized that such sweetness flowed to me that I

was blessed and everything about me was blessed. It was a feeling of

oneness and belonging to the whole creation, nature, living objects,

the earth and the sky and the entire cosmos.

 

Time passed although I lived in the sempiternal regions of the

timeless. And then the time came when one finds oneself on the

threshold of illumination more illumination, and has the epiphany of

a rare kind standing at the frontier of life and death. On the

eleventh of January 1987 1 was face to face with death and oblivion.

I suffered a stroke leading to left-sided monoplegia. I had left my

quarters to proceed to the annual sports meet of the university

colleges at the Hill View Stadium. It was a very important function

and Baba was to inaugurate the function. It was dark in the morning

and after a night of disturbed sleep I was moving on the busy street,

tense and uneasy. Some kind of fever sang in the mental wires and my

head was heavy. When I passed by the gate of the College of Arts and

Sciences, I remembered that I had to pick up some important papers

from my office. So, I turned around and came to my office in the

building. My head seemed to reel for a moment and I somehow steadied

myself and went to the toilet to wash my face and sprinkle some water

on my head. It was then that I felt a severe numbness in my left limb

and fell on the floor. I lay unconscious in that condition for a

while; then the instinct for survival made me exercise my will.

 

The first thought that came to my be­numbed mind was to send earnest

and eager prayers to Swami. 'Swami, you are the absolute sole Lord of

Life and Death. I have no lust for prolonging my life except to

dedicate it to your service. I have still many promises to keep; so I

do not want to sleep forever, not at any rate in the roomless toilet.

I do not fear death and oblivion but I have some promises to keep and

to make myself worthy of your love. You are omnipresent. Will you

pull me out of this desperate situation? At this stage, I decided to

exercise my will and using my right limbs I crawled slowly up to the

lavatory door and unfastened the latch. Now I was on the verandah and

could see the entrance gate of the college, the green shrubbery, the

red and pink flowers and the vast blue expanse of the sky. The effort

was too much for me and my energy was sapped. I reclined on the floor

and fainted. My head was spinning like a top, and my nerves were on

edge. I do not remember how long did that swoon last, but I was

aroused from my slumber by a voice: 'Sir, what's happened? You look

so terribly unwell. Can I help you?

 

'Do please. It seems I've suffered a stroke. Do please run to the

Hill View Stadium and inform my colleagues and my family. But first

bring a rickshaw and take me to my quarters. I want to rest/ I

muttered in a feeble voice.

 

The young man disclosed his identity saying that he was an assistant

in the college and when he was passing by the college gate, he heard

a voice directing him to go to the college. 'Don't worry, I'll soon

be back with a rickshaw,' he said. He was very helpful and took me to

my quarters, When he left the room, I lapsed into sleep and lost all

sense of time and space. When I opened my eyes next I was lying in a

cabin in the Sathya Sai hospital under the shadow of oxygen mask and

saline water was being injected through my veins. I saw my wife and

daughter, both standing near my bed and anxiously looking at me. When

I opened my eyes, the doctors came towards me and asked 'How do you

feel now? There is nothing to worry; your B.P. has come down. You

will feel much better tomorrow. Now do try to sleep,' the

superintendent of the hospital said :

 

I have a faint recollection of the goings on in the hospital on the

first two days. When I was sufficiently stable and my mind was

beginning to be alert, I asked my wife all about it. I was told that

my condition had gone on deteriorating in the afternoon and the blood

pressure was still rising. The attending physicians were all at sea

and hardly knew what to do. They suggested that my wife and daughter

should rush to the maiidir and speak to Swami when he came near them

in the darshan line. Swami came in the evening to the sick room. He

looked intently into my eyes for a long time and withdrew quietly. My

wife entreated him to have mercy and save her 'sohag' (marital

state). Swami raised his hand as a gesture of benediction but he did

not speak a word. However, the visit of Swami proved to be salutary.

By night, the blood pressure registered a fall and eventually became

normal. The film of haziness before my eyes was dispersed and I was

able to see clearly. I could speak fairly audibly. I beckoned my wife

to come near me and told her, 'You look so anxious and disconsolate.

But there is no need to worry. Swami will take care of me, believe

me.' 'Yes, we have been sending our anxious prayers to him day and

night/ she whispered.

 

'I know ... I know,' I mumbled.

 

On the fourth day after the attack, I was feeling reasonably well,

although left limbs were immobile and I lay limp on the bed, unable

to sit up or stand. A terrible paralysis had overtaken my nerves and

there was nothing I could do about it. In the morning of the fifth

day a visitor came to my cabin and introduced himself as a male nurse

from Canada. He told me that he was of Indian origin and was settled

in Canada and that Swami has asked him to attend on you and help you

in your daily chores. He sponged my body with a towel, shaved me and

helped me change my clothes and took me out on a wheel-chair to the

terrace outside where I found plenty of sunshine, fresh air and a

sense of openness and happiness. After many a day I had seen the blue

expanse of the sky, the teeming vegetation and heard the sweet and

soothing melody of the birds. I cast a lingering glance at the domes

of the temple and the huge regal building of the university office

located at the top of the hill. In short I felt a sense of oneness

with the world of nature and experienced a new upsurge of life within

me. Mr. Gopal, the compassionate male nurse from Canada, proved to be

a very good companion. He was warm and affectionate and what is more,

he was a very good devotee of Swami.

 

He told me 'You are very lucky, brother Sinha. Swami is deeply

interested in your welfare and quick recovery. He has given the

doctors a piece of his mind and is not very happy with their initial

response and reaction to your critical state. But he has now

entrusted me with the job of seeing you and keeping company. He has

asked the Vice Chancellor and the colleagues and students of your

Department to be with you in the nights so as to provide relief to

Mrs. Sinha. I want you to do me a favour. When Swami comes to see you

next time, do have a word put through on my behalf. This is my only

wish to come back to India and serve at the hospital. If Swami is

pleased with my service to you, he may call me here. So, do please

commend my case. I shall ever be grateful.'

 

Since I had already developed a soft corner for him in tiny heart, I

assured him that I would do all I could at the right time.

 

During my illness, all my friends and acquaintances came to see me at

the hospital to enquire about my welfare. I was overwhelmed by their

fine gesture of affection and their interest in my well-being.

Sambhavna, my granddaughter who was studying at the Sathya Sai

Primary School, could not come as the Lady Principal thought that the

child would be greatly upset to see me in my present condition.

Sambhavna was a favourite child of Swami. She had a congenital defect

in her heart that required open-heart surgery for plugging a hole in

the heart. I had prayed to Swami to cure her and he regularly gave

her vibhuthi and once when she was down with fever, he had taken her

to the hospital himself on his car. The principal of the school used

to tell me that the child was really fortunate that she had earned

the grace of Swami. The Vice Chancellor, Dr. Saraf, was a regular

visitor to the hospital to see me and always expressed his confidence

that Swami would see to it that I would soon be all right with the

blessings of Baba. In fact, everyone in the campus was watching my

condition and was feeling gratified that Bhagwan Baba, who was an

ocean of infinite mercy and compassion, would not forsake me. And,

assuming the serious­ness of my stroke with blood pressure touching

220/110 mark, worse could have happened, heart failure or cerebral

haemorrhage, but Swami had sent timely help and had taken control of

the whole situation.

 

Now my condition was very much stable and I was more alert and

hopeful than ever, and talked intimately with my family members,

doctors and visiting friends and students. The only limiting factor

was that there was yet no return of power to my paralyzed left hand

and leg. But Mr. Gopal took me out on the wheel-chair to the terrace

and I spent longer periods sipping tea, reading a book or just

talking to Mr. Gopal about life in Canada. He advised me to go in for

physiotherapy at a good centre so that the return of power to the

affected parts may be hastened. There was no facility for

physiotherapy at the Sathya Sai hospital during the eighties, and it

did not seem practicable to go over to Bangalore for that exercise.

My son, a Reader in Economics at Magadh University, came to see me,

but he could not get a longer leave from his university to be able to

accompany me to Bangalore. So, it was decided that I should go back

home in Bihar and take intensive course in physiotherapy. But before

I left, Swami once again sent word that he would be visiting the

hospital to bless me. One morning, word went round that Swami's car

had arrived and that Swami would soon come up to my cabin. The

Superintendent and other doctors waited in my room. Presently, the

orange-robed figure of Swami appeared in the room. He came near my

bed and cast a caressing and loving glance at me for a few minutes.

His eyes met with mine and it seemed to me that beams of love and

only love fell on me and I was on the receiving end. There was no

immediate effect except the dawning of a feeling of well-being as

though my burden of karma had been lifted by a divine miracle, the

cleansing ray of celestial love. Swami spoke in a firm

voice: 'Professor Sinha, I am very happy with you ... very very

happy! You need not worry. You'll be all right and in good time. You

have still to do a lot of my work...'

 

I was on the crest of waves of joy at that moment and felt not only

happy and sublime, but also very proud of myself. And the words of my

German professor in the United States echoed in my mind: 'You are so

noble and tender and proud ... You are a poet and God loves the poets

already!' And now I was experiencing that supreme continence of

affirmation coming from the mouth of God himself. I was bathed

entirely in the white radiance of divine love. And for a moment it

seemed to be that one's sufferings and afflictions, even physical

undoing and crucifixion are all for the best because they take one

several steps closer to God, even force the divine to bring about the

wished for transfiguration and consummation and union by love. As

suffering alone had been the ground of my beseeching all my life, I

was not surprised that God had heard the voice of my calling and had

rushed to my rescue and preservation. I remained in a state of dizzy

rapture for many days and the tender, loving words of Swami continued

to ring in my mind: 'I am very happy with you ... very very happy.

You have still to do lots of my work...'

 

On the fixed date of departure, Swami sent word to Mr. Kutumba Rao to

arrange a car to take me and my family to Dharmawaram Railway Station

and he also expressed his desire to see me at the time of parting

just after the morning darshan in the field in front of the mandir.

It was Mr. Gopal who took me on the wheel & #8209;chair to the centre

of the field. Most of the devotees had departed and the field was

comparatively less crowded. Swami walked up to me. He looked at me

lovingly and with perfect serenity and love. He waved his right hand

and clusters of thin white vibhuthi came into his hand. He rubbed the

z0huthi gently on my left arm and leg and gave me some to eat. I was

unable to control my emotions and looked on tenderly. Words seemed to

fail me. I knew that the hour of separation had drawn near. Swami had

called me to serve at the university for three years, but even before

the termination of that term, sickness had forced me to leave. Now I

shall be thousands of miles away from him and would suffer the agony

of separation from my divine master. What could I tell him now? Then

words rushed to my mouth and I said faintly, 'Swami, what about

Sambhavna? Should I leave Sambhavna here at the school? Should I take

her back with me?'

 

'Better take her with you since you will not be here/ Swami said.

Then, showing a pen, he asked me, 'Is it yours? 'Yes, Swami,' I

assented. But it was hard for me to understand how he got my pen.

Maybe while he was applying vibhuthi on my forehead and the left

hand, my pen might have fallen down and he had picked that up. But it

strikes me as a symbolic act. He had said I still had to do lots of

his work and I surmised that continuing with my job at the university

was not possible in my present state of health and there was hardly

anything else, much less community work or social service ... could

come under my purview. But my mind was as keen as ever and my

intellectual prowess, sensitivity, vision and insight remained as

sharp as before even sharper with the acquisition of mellowed

perceptions and transfiguring force of divine love. I could perhaps

devote the remaining years of my life in my creative and critical

writings and maybe, I could write my memoirs about Swami, the

assignment which he had ordained for me way back in 1973 when in a

mysterious message appearing in the worship & #8209;room he had

directed me to write a book on him. Now that he has made me a humble

instrument to write not one but three books about him. I think it is

the culmination of my modest work, and the trilogy, for whatever it

is worth, will be an offering at his lotus feet if not a coronet to

adorn the head of the glorious and beautiful Lord.

 

Here ends my personal testament which may be of some interest to the

readers. At least, it gives me immense satisfaction to record my

intimate personal experience of Sai love.

 

At the same time, divine love, which has no beginning, middle or an

end, flows for ever and impregnates the parched soil of our hearts

with a new efflorescence of tender shoots of faith, hope and love.

Here is the poem in its supreme beauty and glory:

 

Walk the earth with your heads held high.

Your spirits soaring

Your hearts open to love

And believe in yourself and God within you

Then all will go well.

The earth is a manifestation of My Being

Made out of my life!

Wherever you look, I am there

Wherever you walk, I am there.

Whomsoever you contact, I am that person

I am in each, in all My Splendour.

See me everywhere.

Talk to me and Love me,

Who am in each.