All A Hallucination?

December 3, 2008

But then one day a small problem came up. I told Bhagavan, " Bhagavan, see this is the problem; it is not getting solved. " And I wrote it down in a letter to Him and I came to the Mandir. And I was so sure that when Bhagavan came, He would take the letter from me. So I was sitting there, and as Bhagavan passed by I held out the letter. He merely passed by without even looking at me. At that moment I felt crushed. I felt that all that I was doing was nothing but hallucination!

Is it really true that Bhagavan is with me or am I merely imagining Him? Are these all my hallucinations? I was shaken. I said, " Then whom do I tell this? " It was something which I didn't want to tell anybody and I said, " I cannot even tell it to Bhagavan. Is it that I am alone in this world? Do I really have nobody? " And the next week was torture because I felt so lonely. I felt helpless.

And then that night I had another dream. In that dream it looked like the whole world was out to strangle me. And when I was running, Bhagavan came out and said, " Come with me. " Even in the dream I was still very angry with Bhagavan so I just walked with Him. Then Bhagavan said, " Shall we go to the park? " I told Him, " Why are you asking me? You do what you want! "

Then Bhagavan said, " No, no, no before you do anything you tell me. How can I do anything without telling you? So shall we go to the park? " I was surprised.

As we were walking towards the park, Bhagavan said, " Arvind, I am scared to walk on this side of the road. Can I walk on that side? " When we reached the park, Bhagavan said, " You sit here and block me, because you see those people there? If they see me they will come and talk to me. Then whom will you talk with? " And at this moment I was shocked.

In the dream I said, " Bhagavan, how do you know all this? " At that time Bhagavan put on His angry face. He said, " Until four days ago you used to tell me everything. You used to share and we used to be so happy. For four days now you have been so silent, I don't know why. " And the dream ended there.

Bhagavan is always with us but we may not be able to feel Him. If the radio set is out of order, can you blame the transmitting tower? No. The radio waves are always in the air. The tuning system is broken, so we were not able to tune in and we blame the tower! This is what happens.

It once happened that Bhagavan came and mentioned to a senior teacher here, " So many people are writing letters. " Then the teacher said, " Bhagavan, maybe they have some emergency – that's why. " Bhagavan then looked at Him and said: " What? Once they come under Me do they have any emergencies? The very moment they come to Me there is no emergency in their lives! " And this is the greatest benefit we have. We have all come under Sai.

Source:

http://www.saibaba.ws/experiences1/preciouscloseness.htm

Ram ChuganiKobe, Japan