Guest guest Posted August 2, 1999 Report Share Posted August 2, 1999 Swami Yogeshananda, I think you'll enjoy these....as will everyone else! Have fun! Love, Jody One liners from the American Comic Steve Wright: > > > >So what's the speed of dark? > > >How come you don't ever hear about gruntled > >employees? And who has been dissing them anyhow? > > >After eating, do amphibians need to wait an > >hour before getting OUT of the water? > > >Why don't they just make mouse-flavoured catfood? > > >If you're sending someone some styrofoam, what > >do you pack it in? > > > >I just got skylights put in my place. The > >people who live above me are furious. > > > >Why do they sterilise needles for lethal injections? > > > >If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them? > > > >Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? > > > >Whose cruel idea was it for the word " lisp " to > >have an " s " in it? > > > >We all know light travels faster than sound. > >Is that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak? > > > >How come abbreviated is such a long word? > > > >If it's zero degrees outside today and it's > >supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, > >how cold is it going to be? > > > >Why do you press harder on a remote-control > >when you know the battery is dead? > > > >Americans throw rice at weddings. Do Asians > >throw hamburgers? > > > >Why are they called buildings, when they're > >already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts? > > > >Why are they called apartments, when they're > >all stuck together? > > > >Why do banks charge you an " insufficient funds " > >fee on money they already know you don't have? > > > >If the universe is everything and scientists > >say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? > > > >If you got into a taxi and the driver started > >driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money? > > > >When two airplanes almost collide why do they > >call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!! > > > >Do fish get cramps after eating? > > > >Why are there five syllables in " monosyllabic " ? > > > >Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new? > >If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? > > >Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but > >when a jar is open, it's not adoor? > > > >Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars, > >and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint, > >and he has to touch it. > > > >How come Superman could stop bullets with his > >chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him? > > > >If " con " is the opposite of " pro, " then what is > >the opposite of progress? > > > >Why does bottled lemon juice contains mostly artificial > >ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? > > > >Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of? > > > >Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? > > > >Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? > > > >What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious? > > > >Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? > > > >If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we > >still have monkeys and apes? > > > >Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent? > > > >Is boneless chicken considered an invertebrate? > > > >Do married people live longer than single > >people, or does it just SEEM longer? > > > >I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, > > " Where's the self-help section? " She said if she told me, > >it would defeat the purpose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.