Guest guest Posted September 12, 1999 Report Share Posted September 12, 1999 LAWNS. " Winterize your lawn, " the big sign outside the garden store commanded. I've fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a lot of it die anyway. Now I'm supposed to winterize it? I hope it's too late. Grass lawns have to be the stupidest thing we've come up with outside of thong swimsuits! We constantly battle dandelions, Queen Anne's lace, thistle, violets, chicory and clover that thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed through an annual four-step chemical dependency. Imagine the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis about this: " Frank you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in the Midwest? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles. " " It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to kill them and replace them with grass. " " Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there? " " Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn. " " The spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy. " " Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it - sometimes twice a week. " " They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay? " " Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags. " " They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it? " " No, sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away. " " Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away? " " Yes, sir. " " These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work. " " You aren't going believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it. " " What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life. " " You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and have them hauled away. " " No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and keep the soil moist and loose? " " After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves. " " And where do they get this mulch? " " They cut down trees and grind them up. " " Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight? " " Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about... " " Never mind I think I just heard the whole story. " Received from Ramona F Crain. -=+=- Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are! The Good, Clean Funnies List: Good, clean funnies five times a week, FOR FREE! For subscription and other information, go to our web page at http://www.gcfl.net, or send email to gcfl-info. NEW! GCFL Online Store: http://gcfl.safeshopper.com Send donations or other correspondence (snail-mail) to: GCFL Box 476 Harvest, AL 35749-0476 USA Send GCFL a fax: 256.726.9838 A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Today's GCFL is online at http://www.gcfl.net/archive/latest.html --- Send e-mail to 'gcfl-request' with 'remove' to from this list. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 12, 1999 Report Share Posted September 12, 1999 Dear Karen... did not mean to come across as wanting to challenge your msg on Sw V's thoughts on women...i was just really curious as to where he had said it and whether it was in some context. i often read things which i am unable to later refer back to... and i enjoyed this piece..who is Ramon F Crain? an author ...? > > LAWNS. > > " Winterize your lawn, " the big sign outside the garden store > commanded. I've fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a > lot of it die anyway. Now I'm supposed to winterize it? I hope > it's too late. Grass lawns have to be the stupidest thing we've > come up with outside of thong swimsuits! We constantly battle > dandelions, Queen Anne's lace, thistle, violets, chicory and clover > that thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed > through an annual four-step chemical dependency. > > Imagine the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis > about this: > > " Frank you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is > going on down there in the Midwest? What happened to the > dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a > perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type > of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar > from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey bees and > flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by > now. But all I see are these green rectangles. " > > " It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They > started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to > kill them and replace them with grass. " > > " Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract > butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's > temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want > all that grass growing there? " > > " Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it > green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning > any other plant that crops up in the lawn. " > > " The spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow really > fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy. " > > " Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it - > sometimes twice a week. " > > " They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay? " > > " Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags. " > > " They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it? " > > " No, sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away. " > > " Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will > grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it > away? " > > " Yes, sir. " > > " These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back > on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and > saves them a lot of work. " > > " You aren't going believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing > so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they > can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it. " > > " What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a > sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow > leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In > the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to > keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, > as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a > natural circle of life. " > > " You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new > circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles > and have them hauled away. " > > " No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the > winter and keep the soil moist and loose? " > > " After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something they > call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the > leaves. " > > " And where do they get this mulch? " > > " They cut down trees and grind them up. " > > " Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint > Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you > scheduled for us tonight? " > > " Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about... " > > " Never mind I think I just heard the whole story. " > > Received from Ramona F Crain. > > -=+=- > > Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are! > > The Good, Clean Funnies List: Good, clean funnies five times a week, > FOR FREE! > > For subscription and other information, go to our web page at > http://www.gcfl.net, or send email to gcfl-info. > > NEW! GCFL Online Store: http://gcfl.safeshopper.com > > Send donations or other correspondence (snail-mail) to: > GCFL > Box 476 > Harvest, AL 35749-0476 > USA > > Send GCFL a fax: 256.726.9838 > > A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) > > Today's GCFL is online at http://www.gcfl.net/archive/latest.html > --- > Send e-mail to 'gcfl-request' with 'remove' to > from this list. > > > > > --------------------------- ONElist Sponsor ---------------------------- > > Congratulations to MSers_Online. Our latest ONElist of the Week. > For full story and to submit yours, go to > <a href= " http://clickme./ad/ootw25 " >Click Here</a> > > ------ > Sri Ramakrishnaye Namah > Vivekananda Centre London > http://www.btinternet.com/~vivekananda/ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 13, 1999 Report Share Posted September 13, 1999 Dear JaiRam and all, I know no one was challenging that in a mean spirit or anything. In fact, though, I realized that on a mailing list, I really SHOULD be careful unless I can provide references (at least with some things!) I am not scholarly, so tend to just remember some things, but not the source. Now I am curious myself, but probably won't have the time to track it down... If it was Swami V, it was from source available from the Centers, maybe somewhere in collected works... if not, perhaps it was someone else and I remember incorrectly. Even if it was him, it was a single statement; After Swami Y's msg, I went and read in Complete Works vol 9 (a new one) some of the many complimentary things Swami V said about women. I am not particularly concerned with being male or female, so my confusion was partly a question like 'How can the body this soul inhabits make any difference to the realization of God?? You tell me that because my soul has been provided with a female vehicle this time around, it somehow cannot attain the heights it would have otherwise? Nonsense!' Anyway, thank you JaiRam, and don't worry! I apologize for the confusion! The piece below is from the Good Clean Funnies mailing list - they send fun but " clean " stuff - real humor not the cynical stuff. I don't know the author, though; they collect stuff from all over. Namaste, Karen JAIRAM SESHADRI wrote: > " JAIRAM SESHADRI " <seshadri > > Dear Karen... > > did not mean to come across as wanting to challenge your msg on Sw > V's thoughts on women...i was just really curious as to where he had > said it and whether it was in some context. > i often read things which i am unable to later refer back to... > > and i enjoyed this piece..who is Ramon F Crain? an author ...? > > > > > > LAWNS. > > > > " Winterize your lawn, " the big sign outside the garden store > > commanded. I've fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a > > lot of it die anyway. Now I'm supposed to winterize it? I hope > > it's too late. Grass lawns have to be the stupidest thing we've > > come up with outside of thong swimsuits! We constantly battle > > dandelions, Queen Anne's lace, thistle, violets, chicory and clover > > that thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed > > through an annual four-step chemical dependency. > > > > Imagine the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis > > about this: > > > > " Frank you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is > > going on down there in the Midwest? What happened to the > > dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a > > perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type > > of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar > > from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey bees and > > flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by > > now. But all I see are these green rectangles. " > > > > " It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They > > started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to > > kill them and replace them with grass. " > > > > " Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract > > butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's > > temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want > > all that grass growing there? " > > > > " Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it > > green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning > > any other plant that crops up in the lawn. " > > > > " The spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow really > > fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy. " > > > > " Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it - > > sometimes twice a week. " > > > > " They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay? " > > > > " Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags. " > > > > " They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it? " > > > > " No, sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away. " > > > > " Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will > > grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it > > away? " > > > > " Yes, sir. " > > > > " These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back > > on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and > > saves them a lot of work. " > > > > " You aren't going believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing > > so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they > > can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it. " > > > > " What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a > > sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow > > leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In > > the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to > > keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, > > as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a > > natural circle of life. " > > > > " You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new > > circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles > > and have them hauled away. " > > > > " No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the > > winter and keep the soil moist and loose? " > > > > " After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something they > > call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the > > leaves. " > > > > " And where do they get this mulch? " > > > > " They cut down trees and grind them up. " > > > > " Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint > > Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you > > scheduled for us tonight? " > > > > " Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about... " > > > > " Never mind I think I just heard the whole story. " > > > > Received from Ramona F Crain. > > > > -=+=- > > > > Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are! > > > > The Good, Clean Funnies List: Good, clean funnies five times a week, > > FOR FREE! > > > > For subscription and other information, go to our web page at > > http://www.gcfl.net, or send email to gcfl-info. > > > > NEW! GCFL Online Store: http://gcfl.safeshopper.com > > > > Send donations or other correspondence (snail-mail) to: > > GCFL > > Box 476 > > Harvest, AL 35749-0476 > > USA > > > > Send GCFL a fax: 256.726.9838 > > > > A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) > > > > Today's GCFL is online at http://www.gcfl.net/archive/latest.html > > --- > > Send e-mail to 'gcfl-request' with 'remove' to > > from this list. > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------- ONElist Sponsor ---------------------------- > > > > Congratulations to MSers_Online. Our latest ONElist of the Week. > > For full story and to submit yours, go to > > <a href= " http://clickme./ad/ootw25 " >Click Here</a> > > > > ------ > > Sri Ramakrishnaye Namah > > Vivekananda Centre London > > http://www.btinternet.com/~vivekananda/ > > > > --------------------------- ONElist Sponsor ---------------------------- > > Show your ONElist SPIRIT! > <a href= " http://clickme./ad/tshirt2 " >Click Here</a> > With a new ONElist SHIRT available through our website. > > ------ > Sri Ramakrishnaye Namah > Vivekananda Centre London > http://www.btinternet.com/~vivekananda/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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