wonderfully funny story

[Guest guest]

Dear Friends

 

This is one of the most wonderful, funny and intriguing zen stories I have

come across, from the philist listserv, I think. Behind its obviousness and

simplicity there seems to be a certain inscrutability about this story. I

would like to know what members derive from the story and its protagonist.

 

Swami

 

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THE RECORD OF THE LIFE AND TEACHINGS OF WU-MING

 

Compiled by Master Tung-Wang

Abbott of Han-hsin monastery in the

Thirteenth year of the Earth Dragon period (898)

 

My dear friend, the most reverend master Tung-Wang,

 

Old and ill, I lay here knowing that writing this note will be my last act

upon this earth and that by the time you read it I will be

gone from this life.Though we have not seen each other in the many years

since we studied together under our most venerable Master, I have often

thought of you, his most worthy successor. Monks from throughout China say

that you are a true lion of the Buddha

Dharma; one whose eye is a shooting star, whose hands snatch lightning, and

whose voice booms like thunder. It is said that

your every action shakes heaven and earth and causes the elephants and

dragons of delusion to scatter helplessly. I am told

that your monastery is unrivaled in severity, and that under your

exacting guidance hundreds of monks pursue their training with

utmost zeal and vigor. I've also heard that in the enlightened successor

department your luck has not been so good. Which

brings me to the point of this letter.

 

I ask that you now draw your attention to the young man to whom this note is

attached. As he stands before you, no doubt smiling stupidly as he stuffs

himself with pickled cucumbers, you may be wondering if he is as complete a

fool as he appears, and if so, what prompted me to send him to you. In

answer to the firstquestion, I assure you that Wu-Ming's foolishness is far

more complete than mere appearance would lead you to believe. As for the

second question, I can only say that despite so benumbed a condition, or

perhaps because of it, still more likely, despite of and because of it,

Wu-Ming seems to unwittingly

and accidentally serve the function of a great Bodhisattva. Perhaps he can

be of service to you.

 

Allow him sixteen hours of sleep daily and provide him with lots of

pickled cucumbers and Wu-Ming will always be happy. Expect nothing of him

and you will be happy.

 

Respectfully,

Chin-Mang

 

After Chin-mang's funeral, the supporters of his temple arranged for

Wu-Ming's journey to Han-hsin monastery, where I resided, then, as now, as

Abbott. A monk found Wu-ming at the monastery gate and seeing a note bearing

my name pinned to his robe, led him to my quarters.Customarily, when first

presenting himself to the Abbott, a newly arrived monk will prostrate

himself three times and ask

respectfully to be accepted as a student. And so I was taken somewhat by

surprise when Wu-ming walked into the room, took a pickled cucumber from the

jar under his arm, stuffed it whole into his mouth, and happily munching

away, broke into the toothless imbecilic grin that would one day become

legendary. Taking a casual glance around the room, he smacked his lips

loudly and said, " What's for lunch? "

 

After reading dear old Chin Mang's note, I called in the head monk and asked

that he show my new student to the monk's quarters. When they had gone I

reflected on chin-mang's words. Han-hsin was indeed a most severe place of

training: winters were bitterly cold and in summer the sun blazed. The monks

slept no more than three hours each night and ate one simple meal each day.

For the remainder of the day they worked hard around the monastery and

practiced hard in the meditation hall. But, alas, Chin-mang had heard

correctly, Among all my disciples there wasnone whom I felt confident to be

a worthy vessel to receive the untransmittable transmitted Dharma. I was

beginning to

despair that I would one day, bereft of even one successor, fail to fulfill

my obligation of seeing my teacher's Dharma-linage continued.

 

The monks could hardly be faulted for complacency or indolence. Their

sincere aspiration and disciplined effort were admirable indeed, and many

had attained great clarity of wisdom. But they were preoccupied with their

capacity for harsh discipline and proud of their insight. They squabbled

with one another for positions of prestige and power and vied amongst

themselves for recognition. Jealousy, rivalry and ambition seemed to hang

like a dark cloud over Han-shin monastery, sucking even the most wise and

sincere into its obscuring haze.

Holding Chin-mang's note before me, I hoped and prayed that this

Wu-ming, this " accidental Bodhisattva " might be the yeast my recipe

seemed so much in need of.

 

To my astonished pleasure, Wu-ming took to life at Han-shin like a duckto

water. At my request, he was assigned a job in the

kitchen pickling vegetables. This he pursued tirelessly, and with a

cheerful earnestness he gathered and mixed ingredients, lifted

heavy barrels, drew and carried water, and, of course, freely sampled his

workmanship. He was delighted!

 

When the monks assembled in the meditation hall, they would invariably find

Wu-ming seated in utter stillness, apparently in

deep and profound samadhi. No one even guessed that the only thing

profound about Wu-ming's meditation was the profound unlikelihood that he

might find the meditation posture, legs folded into the lotus position, back

erect and centered, to be so wonderfully conducive to the long hours of

sleep he so enjoyed.

 

Day after day and month after month, as the monks struggled to meet the

physical and spiritual demands of monastery life, Wu-ming, with a grin and a

whistle, sailed through it all effortlessly. Even though, if the truth be

told, Wu-ming's Zen practice was without the slightest merit, by way of

outward appearance he was judged by all to be a monk of great

accomplishmentand perfect discipline. Of course . I could have dispelled

this misconception easily enough, but I sensed that Wu-ming's unique brand

of magic was taking effect and I was not about to throw away this most

absurdly skillful of means.

 

By turns the monks were jealous, perplexed, hostile, humbled and inspired by

what they presumed to be Wu-ming's great attainment. Of course it never

occurred to Wu-ming that his or anyone else's behavior required such

judgments, for they are the workings of a far more sophisticated nature than

his own mind was capable. Indeed, everything about him was so obvious and

simple that others thought him unfathomably subtle.

 

Wu-ming's inscrutable presence had a tremendously unsettling effect on the

lives of the monks, and undercut the web of rationalizations that so often

accompanies such upset. His utter obviousness rendered him unintelligible

and immune to the social pretensions of others. Attempts of flattery and

invectives alike were met with the same uncomprehending grin, a grin the

monks felt to be the very cutting edge of the sword of Perfect

Wisdom.Finding no relief or diversion in such interchange, they were forced

to seek out the source and resolution of their anguish each within his own

mind. More importantly, and absurdly, Wu-ming caused to arise in the monks

the unconquerable determination to fully penetrate the teaching " The Great

Way is without difficulty " which they felt he embodied.

 

Though in the course of my lifetime I have encountered many of the most

venerable progenitors of the Tathagata's teaching, never have I met one so

skilled at awakening others to their intrinsic Buddhahood as this wonderful

fool Wu-ming. His spiritual non-sequiturs were as sparks, lighting the flame

of illuminating wisdom in the minds of many who engaged him in dialogue.

 

Once a monk approached Wu-ming and asked in all earnestness, " In the

whole universe, what is it that is most wonderful? " Without hesitation

Wu-ming stuck a cucumber before the monks face and

exclaimed, " There is nothing more wonderful than this! " At that the monk

crashed through the dualism of subject and object, " The whole universe is

pickled cucumber; a pickledcucumber is the whole universe! " Wu-ming simply

chuckled and said, " Stop talking nonsense. A cucumber is a cucumber; the

whole universe is the whole universe. What could be more obvious? " The monk,

penetrating the perfect phenomenal

manifestation of Absolute Truth, clapped his hands and laughed, saying,

" Throughout infinite space, everything is deliciously

sour! "

 

On another occasion a monk asked Wu-ming, " The Third Patriarch said, " The

Great Way is without difficulty, just cease having preferences. " How can you

then delight in eating cucumbers, yet refuse to even take one bit of a

carrot? " Wu-ming said, " I love cucumbers; I hate carrots! " The monk lurched

back as though struck by a thunderbolt. Then laughing and sobbing and

dancing about he exclaimed, " Liking cucumbers and hating carrots is without

difficulty, just cease preferring the Great Way! "

 

Within three years of his arrival, the stories of the " Great Bodhisattva of

Han-hsin monastery " had made their way throughoutthe provinces of China.

Knowing of Wu-ming's fame I was not entirely

surprised when a messenger from the Emperor appeared summoning Wu-ming to

the Imperial Palace immediately.

 

From throughout the Empire exponents of the Three Teachings of Buddhism,

Confucianism and Taoism were being called to

the Capitol, there the Emperor would proclaim one to be the true religion to

be practiced and preached in all lands under his

rule. The idea of such competition for Imperial favor is not to my

approval and the likelihood that a religious persecution might

follow troubled me greatly. But an order from the Emperor is not to be

ignored, so Wu-ming and I set out the next day.

 

Inside the Great Hall were gathered the more than one hundred priests and

scholars who were to debate one another. They were surrounded by the most

powerful lords in all China, along with innumerable advisors, of the Son of

Heaven. All at once trumpets blared, cymbals crashed, and clouds of incense

billowed up everywhere. The Emperor, borne on by a retinue of guards, was

carried to the throne. After due formalities were observedthe Emperor

signaled for the debate to begin.

 

Several hours passed as one after another priests and scholars came

forward presenting their doctrines and responding to questions. Through it

all Wu-ming sat obliviously content as he stuffed himself with his favorite

food. When his supply was finished, he happily crossed his legs,

straightened his back and closed his eyes. But the noise and commotion were

too great and, unable to sleep, he grew more restless and irritable by the

minute.

 

As I clasped him firmly by the back of the neck in an effort to restrain

him, the Emperor gestured to Wu-ming to approach the Throne.

 

When Wu-ming had come before him, the Emperor said, " Throughout the land you

are praised as a Bodhisattva whose mind is like the Great Void itself, yet

you have not had a word to offer this assembly. Therefore I say to you now,

teach me the True Way that all under heaven must follow. " Wu-ming said

nothing. After a few moments the Emperor, with a note of impatience, spoke

again, " Perhaps you do not hear well so I shall repeat myself!Teach me the

True Way that all under heaven must follow! " Still Wu-ming said nothing, and

silence rippled through the crowd as all strained forward to witness this

monk who dared behave so bold a fashion in the Emperor's presence.

 

Wu-ming heard nothing the Emperor said, nor did he notice the tension

that vibrated through the hall. All that concerned him was his wish to find

a nice quiet place where he could sleep undisturbed. The Emperor spoke

again, his voice shaking with fury, his face flushed with anger: " You have

been summoned to this council to speak on behalf of the Buddhist teaching.

Your disrespect will not be tolerated much longer. I shall ask one more

time, and should you fail to answer, I assure you the consequence shall be

most grave. Teach me the True Way that all under heaven must follow! "

Without a word Wu-ming turned and, as all looked on in dumbfounded silence,

he made his way down the aisle and out the door. There was a hush of stunned

disbelief before the crowd erupted into an uproar of confusion.

 

Some were applauding Wu-ming's brilliant demonstration of religious insight,

while others rushed about in anindignant rage, hurling threats and abuses at

the doorway he had just passed through. Not knowing whether to praise

Wu-ming or to have him beheaded, the Emperor turned to his advisors, but

they were none the wiser. Finally, looking out at the frantic anarchy to

which his grand debate had been reduced,

the Emperor must surely have realized that no matter what Wu-ming's

intentions might have been, there was now only one way to avoid the debate

becoming a most serious embarrassment.

 

" The great sage of Han-hsin monastery has skillfully demonstrated that the

great Tao cannot be confined by doctrines, but is best expounded through

harmonious action. Let us profit by the wisdom he

has so compassionately shared, and each endeavor to make our every step one

that unites heaven and earth in accord with the profound and subtle Tao. "

 

Having thus spoken the Son of Heaven concluded the Great Debate.

I immediately ran out to find Wu-ming, but he had disappeared in the

crowded streets of the capitol.Ten years have since passed, and I have seen

nothing of him. However, on occasion a wandering monk will stop at Han-hsin

with some bit of news. I am told that Wu-ming has been wandering about the

countryside this past decade, trying

unsuccessfully to find his way home. Because of his fame he is greeted and

cared for in all quarters with generous kindness;

however, those wishing to help him on his journey usually find that they

have been helped on their own.

 

One young monk told of an encounter in which Wu-ming asked him, " Can you

tell me where my home is? " Confused as to the spirit of the question. The

monk replied, " Is the home you speak of to be found in the relative world of

time and place, or do you mean the Original Home of all pervading Buddha

nature? "

 

After pausing a moment to consider the question, Wu-ming looked up and,

grinning as only he is capable, said, " Yes. "

 

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