from Tim Davis and others : )

[Guest guest]

: )

 

 

Dinosaur Bones

 

Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the

dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, " Can you tell me how old the

dinosaur bones are? "

 

The guard replies, " They are 3 million, four years, and six months old. "

 

" That's an awfully exact number, " says the tourist. " How do you know their

age so precisely? "

 

The guard answers, " Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old

when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago. "

 

 

 

======================================

 

 

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are

seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way.

The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin

walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be

blind.

 

The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as

he stumbles down the aisle, and the co-pilot is using a guide dog. Both

have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first the passengers don't

react, thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after

a few minutes the engines start revving and the airplane starts moving.

 

The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among

themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly down the runway and people

begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer

and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more

hysterical.

 

Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a

sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at

the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne.

 

Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the

pilot: " You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream,

and we're gonna get killed! "

 

 

=================

 

 

Was it meant to be?

-------

 

An overweight business associate of mine decided it was time

to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously,

even changing his driving route to avoid his favorite bakery.

One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic

coffeecake. We all scolded him, but his smile remained

cherubic.

 

" This is a very special coffeecake, " he explained. " I

accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in

the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no

accident, so I prayed, " Lord, if you want me to have one of

those delicious coffeecakes, let me have a parking place

directly in front of the bakery. "

 

" Sure enough, " he continued, " the *eighth* time around the

block, there it was! "

 

 

===========================