Humour

[Guest guest]

This came from Karen at the Westend Ashram.........nice to see humour and

spirituality going so well at Westend Ashram...........jay

 

-----Air travel------------

 

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to

make the " in-flight safety lecture " and their other

announcements a bit more entertaining.

Also, pilots sometimes make announcements that lead

as to question whether they have too much free time on

their hands in crowded cockpits. Most airlines frown on any

deviation from the set speeches; a few tolerate or encourage humor.

 

Here are some examples of actual announcements that

have been heard or reported.

 

" There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there

are only 4 ways out of this airplane... "

 

After landing: " Thank you for flying Delta Business

Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business

as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride. "

 

On approach to O'Hare, as the landing gear begins to

whir and grind: " Ladies and gentlemen, the sound you hear is the

normal sound of your baggage being dropped into Lake

Michigan... "

 

From a Southwest Airlines employee: " Welcome aboard

Southwest Flight .SW1..to Dallas.. To operate your seat

belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works

just like every = other seat belt, and if you don't know how to operate one,

you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.

 

On a morning flight from SFO to Denver, the

captain's voice on the PA:

" Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to welcome you

aboard United Flight 272 to Seattle...(a pause).

Now that I have your attention... "

 

In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,

oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming,

grab the mask, and pull it over your face.

 

If you have a small child travelling with you, secure

your mask before assisting with theirs.

If you are travelling with two or more small

children, decide now which

one you love more.

 

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some

broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed

before we arrive. Thank

you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money,

more than Southwest=20 Airlines. "

 

Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in

the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our

compliments. "

 

" Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will

drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over

your own mouth and nose before assisting children

or adults acting like children. "

 

As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of

your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed

evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children

or spouses. "

 

And from the pilot during his welcome message: " We

are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants

in the industry...

Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight... "

 

During the final approach of an American Airlines

flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy

and bumpy day, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an

extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and

announced, " Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain

in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis

what's left of our airplane to the gate! "

 

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:

" We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us

today. And, the next = time

you get the insane urge to go blasting through the

skies in a pressurised metal tube, we hope you'll think of us

here at US Airways. "