Spelling humour : )

[Guest guest]

Tom Chapman

Subject:

 

Following from the one told to lighten up:

 

Religion according to children

 

These were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected

(i.e. bad spelling has been left in).

 

According to the first book of the Bible, Guinness, God got tired of

creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

 

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.

 

Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.

 

Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

 

Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

 

The Jews were a proud people, but throughout history they had trouble with

unsympathetic Genitals.

 

Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like

Delilah.

 

Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

 

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which

is bread without any ingredients.

 

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on

Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.

 

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

 

The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

 

The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand

still and he obeyed him.

 

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the

Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

 

Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

 

when Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

 

Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

 

St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.

 

Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they

do one to you. He also explained, " A man doth not live by sweat alone. "

 

It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the

tombstone off the entrance.

 

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

 

The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

 

One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

 

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is

another name for marriage.

 

A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.