Weekend humour : )

[Guest guest]

Weekend Humour

: )

 

" Dave Markham "

 

 

The Sunday School teacher wanted to teach her 5th grade class a

lesson about the evils of liquor, so she produced a demonstration

that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two

worms.

 

" Now, class, closely observe the worms, " said the teacher while

putting a worm into the water.

 

The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water

could be. She then put the second worm into the whiskey. It curled

up and writhed about painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom,

dead as a doornail.

 

" Now, what lesson can we learn from this demonstration? " the

teacher asked.

 

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely,

responded confidently, " Drink whiskey and you won't get worms. "

 

======= =======

 

So it seems that these four rabbis had a series of

theological arguments, and three were always in accord against

the fourth.

 

One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual " 3 to 1,

majority rules " statement that signified that he had lost

again, decided to appeal to a higher authority.

 

" Oh, God! " he cried. " I know in my heart that I am

right and they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to

them! "

 

It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the rabbi

finished his prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the

four. It rumbled once and dissolved. " A sign from God! See,

I'm right, I knew it! " But the other three disagreed, pointing

out that storm clouds form on hot days.

 

So the rabbi prayed again: " Oh, God, I need a bigger

sign to show that I am right and they are wrong. So please,

God, a bigger sign! " This time four storm clouds appeared,

rushed toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt

of lightning slammed into a tree on a nearby hill.

 

" I told you I was right! " cried the rabbi, but his

friends insisted that nothing had happened that could not be

explained by natural causes.

 

The rabbi was getting ready to ask for a *very big*

sign, but just as he said, " Oh God..., " the sky turned pitch black,

the earth shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned,

" HEEEEEEEE'S RIIIIIIIGHT! "

 

The rabbi put his hands on his hips, turned to the

other three, and said, " Well? "

 

" So, " shrugged one of the other rabbis,

" now it's 3 to 2. "

 

============

 

Questions..

 

An applicant was filling out a job application.

When he came to the question, 'Have you ever been

arrested?', he wrote,

" No. "

 

The next question, intended for people who had

answered 'yes' to the previous question, was, 'Why?'

 

The applicant answered it anyway:

" Never got caught. "

 

 

: )