Mid week humour : )

[Guest guest]

Contribution from Jody : )

 

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

 

He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

 

They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

 

The Dark Ages were caused by the Y1K problem.

 

If your voting could really change things, Congress would make it

illegal.

 

When blondes have more fun do they know it?

 

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

 

Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

 

Here I am!!! What are your other two wishes?

 

Half The People In The World Are Below Average

 

Time is fun when you're having flies.

 

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

 

Toilet stolen from Police Station. Cops have nothing to go on.

 

If you think there is good in everybody then you obviously haven't

met everybody.

 

All power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat though.

 

Taxation WITH representation ain't much fun either.

 

Confession is good for the soul but bad for your career.

 

Gargling is a good way to see if your throat leaks.

 

Remember: First you pillage then you burn.

 

To err is human. To forgive is against company policy.

 

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

 

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

 

Failure Is Not An Option. It's bundled with your software.

 

Honk If You Love Peace and Quiet

 

Strip Mining Prevents Forest Fires.

 

====this came from 'M'========

 

Life's Reflections "

 

1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your

groin unprotected.

 

2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain,

no pain.

 

3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

 

4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze

pilots wore helmets.

 

5. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet

soup?

 

6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have

been more specific.

 

7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad

at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head

out the window?

 

8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an

idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

 

9. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I

go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long

somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always

locking three of them

 

10. One out of every three Americans is suffering from

some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best

friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

 

11. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I

think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it,

maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.