: )

[Guest guest]

From Tim Davies

(some funnies for weekend)

 

Rude man..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over dinner, my wife said to me,

" I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning,

and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started

to insult me; he used really bad language; he even

threatened me! "

 

" How did you meet this fellow? " I asked, very concerned.

 

She said, " Well, we met by accident, I hit him with the

car. "

 

===============

 

Little Johnny strikes again!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the usual muddy day in the country. Our first grade

teacher, Miss Brown, had just finished putting the 36th

boot on the 18th pair of little feet and was anxious to

finish the last pair so she could go to lunch.

 

The last pair of boots was for little Johnny Smith, a

quiet boy. Miss Brown had a very difficult time getting

his boots on as they were a bit too small for his growing

feet, but she finally won the battle.

 

To her dismay, little Johnny looked blandly up into her

face and announced,

" Teacher, these boots aren't mine. " In a hurry, but wanting

to be kind, Miss Brown groaned, but with grim gentleness

removed the boots and straightened her aching back.

 

Whereupon Johnny continued,

" They're my little brother's, but Mommy said I could wear

them to school today. "

 

====================

 

Caught in the act!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man took his wife to a Broadway show. During the

first intermission he had to take a leak in the

meanest way, so he hurried to find the bathrooms.

 

He searched in vain for the restrooms, but instead

all he found was a beautiful fountain with foliage.

Nobody was watching, so he decided to take a leak

right there.

 

When he finally got back into the auditorium, the

second act had already begun. He searched in the

dark until he found his wife.

" Did I miss much of the second act? " he asked.

 

" Miss it? " she said, " You were in it! "

 

====================================

 

 

GOD hates speeders

 

 

A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police

helicopter in the sky. An officer pulled him over

and began to issue a traffic ticket.

 

" How did you know I was speeding? " ,

the frustrated driver asked.

 

The police officer pointed somberly toward the sky.

 

" You mean, " asked the motorist,

" that even He is against me? "

 

=====================================

 

Talkative women!

 

 

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than

men, showed her a study which indicated that men use, on

the average, only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use

30,000 words a day.

 

She thought about this for a while and then told her husband

that women use twice as many words as men because they

have to repeat everything they say.

 

Looking stunned, he said, " What? "