Karen : )

[Guest guest]

This came from Westend Ashram Colorado

Hi Everyone,

I've seen this one before, but its so good its a classic. Hope you

enjoy.

 

THIS is really funny - and soooo British! And you

think you have problems!

 

-- Karen

 

 

 

Here's one...

 

Accident Report

 

This is an accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the

British equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. This is the

bricklayer's report, a true story.

 

Dear Sir:

 

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in

" as the Cause of my accident " . You asked for a fuller explanation and I

trust the following details will be sufficient.

 

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working

alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I

found I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to

be

slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by

hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was

attached

to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

 

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the

barrel out and loaded the bricks into It. Then I went down and untied the

rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will

note in block #11 of the accident report form that my weight is 135lbs.

 

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost

my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I

proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity

of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at

an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor

abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident

report

form.

 

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until

the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was

able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was

now

beginning to experience. At approximately the same time, however, the

barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.

 

Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed

approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you might

imagine, I began a

rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third

floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured

ankles,

broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.

 

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel

seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of

bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to

report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to

move,

I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and

I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back onto me.

This explains the two broken legs.