Some humour for the weekend

[Guest guest]

Thanks to Gabe Combs for this one.

*********************

 

They have a Dial-a-Prayer for atheists now. You can call up and it rings and

rings but nobody answers.

 

=============oratory powers=======

 

A man is giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He gets a bit carried away

and talks for two hours.

 

Finally, he realizes what he is doing and says; " I'm sorry I talked so long.

I left my watch at home. "

 

A voice from the back of the room says, " There's a calendar behind you. "

 

=========from a disgruntled husband?==========

 

WIFE (Worries Invited For Ever)

-

Every man should get married some time; after

all, happiness is not the

only thing in life!!

Anonymous

 

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can

have; the older she gets

the more interested he is in her.

Agatha Christie

 

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair

that some men should be

happier than others.

Oscar Wilde

 

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

Scottish Proverb

 

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for

two years.

Sam Kinison

 

A psychiatrist is a person who will give you

expensive answers that your

wife will give you for free.

Anonymous

 

Bachelors know more about women than married men;

if they didn't, they'd

be married too.

H. L. Mencken

 

Men have a better time than women; for one thing,

they marry later, for another thing, they die earlier.

-H. L. Mencken

 

 

" A man without a woman is like a fish without a

bicycle. "

U2

 

Marriage is a three ring circus:

-engagement ring

--wedding ring

--suffering

 

 

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone

knows why.

When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone

wonders why.

 

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

 

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

 

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband

leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.

The wife decided to make a wish, too.

But she leaned over too much, fell into the well

The husband was stunned for a

while but then smiled " It really works! "

 

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he

loves. After marriage, the " y " becomes silent