funnies from Jody ......

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This came from Jody......

 

PROVERBS YOU SHOULD KNOW:

 

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes.

That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and

barefoot.

 

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

 

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one

you've never tried before.

 

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a

glance.

 

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life

is serious.

 

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

 

For every action, there is an equal and opposite

government program.

 

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

 

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

 

If you look like your passport picture, you probably

need the trip.

 

Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass

your way again.

 

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of

checks.

 

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts

feel so good.

 

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

 

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

 

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

 

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

 

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness

of the waist change places.

 

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

 

Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you

need it.

 

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural

stupidity.

 

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more

than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

 

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to

recognize a mistake when you make it again.

 

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

 

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

 

Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast

to the real world.

 

I believe the only time the world beats a path to my

door is when I'm in the bathroom.

 

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they

shall never cease to be amused.