Weekend humour : )

[Guest guest]

Seen this on the internet : )

 

 

Some of the humour is a 'bit iffy' for a list geared to spiritual matters.

But without humour spirituality seems lame so here goes....

 

jay : )

 

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70-year old George went for his annual physical. All of his

tests came back with normal results.

 

Dr. Smith said, " George, everything looks great physically.

How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace

with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with God? "

 

George replied, " God and me are tight. He knows I have poor

eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the

middle of the night to go to the bathroom *poof* the light

goes on, when I'm done *poof* the light goes off. "

 

" Wow! " commented Dr. Smith, " That's incredible! "

 

A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife.

 

" Ethel, " he said, " George is doing fine. Physically he's

great. But, I had to call because I'm in awe of his

relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the

night and *poof* the light goes on in the bathroom, and then

when he is through *poof* the light goes off? "

 

Ethel exclaimed, " Oh, my God! He's peeing in the refrigerator

again! "

 

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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to

become a great writer. When asked to define " great " he said, " I want

to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will

react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream,

cry, howl in pain and anger! "

 

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

 

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The Catholic Church's air conditioning broke down, so

they had to hire a man to crawl around in the ducts and

figure out what was wrong.

 

As the man peeked down through one of the vents in the

sanctuary, he saw little old Mrs. Murphy kneeling by

the altar, apparently saying her rosary. Since the man

was a fundamental Baptist, he thought it'd be funny to

try and mess with the lady's mind. In his best authoritative

voice, he said, " This is Jesus ... Your prayers will be

answered. "

 

The little old lady didn't even blink, just kept on

saying her prayers. The man decided maybe she didn't

hear him, and tried again...

" This is Jesus, the Son of God! Your prayers will be

answered! "

 

Again, she didn't react at all. Mustering up a big

breath of air, the man decided to try again...

" THIS IS JESUS CHRIST, THE SON OF GOD!

YOUR PRAYERS WILL BE ANSWERED! "

 

The lady looks up and says, " KEEP QUIET!!!

I'M TALKING TO YOUR MOTHER! "

 

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A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day.

 

The girl approached the boy and said, " Hey Billy, want to play house? "

 

He said, " Sure! What do you want me to do? "

Sally replied, " I want you to communicate your feelings. "

 

" Communicate my feelings? " said a bewildered Billy...

 

" I have no idea what that means. "

 

The little girl nods and says,

 

" Perfect. You can be the husband. "

 

==============

 

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of

a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good

shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.

 

" It will be waiting for you at the airport! " he was assured by his

editor.

 

As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane

was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and

yelled, " Let's go! Let's go! " The pilot swung the plane into the

wind and soon they were in the air.

 

" Fly over the north side of the fire, " said the photographer, " and

make three or four low level passes. "

 

" Why? " asked the pilot.

 

" Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and

photographers take pictures! " said the photographer with great

exasperation and impatience.

 

After a long pause the pilot said, " You mean you're not the

instructor? "

 

: )