Guest guest Posted September 9, 2000 Report Share Posted September 9, 2000 Weekend Humour for the list COURT TRANSCRIPTS... Things people actually said in court, word for word. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. ~~~~ Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? ~~~~ Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. ~~~~ Q: How old is your son, the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. ~~~~ Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, " Where am I, Cathy? " Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. ~~~~ Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. ~~~~ Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? A: After the accident? Q: Before the accident. A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it. ~~~~ Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? A: Yes. Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? A: Yes, sir. Q: What did she say? A: What disco am I at? ~~~~ Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war? ~~~~ Q: Did he kill you? ~~~~ Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? ~~~~ Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true? ~~~~ Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? ~~~~ Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? ~~~~ Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? ~~~~ Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you? A: I went to Europe, Sir. Q: And you took your new wife? ~~~~ Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? ~~~~ Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female? ~~~~ Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ~~~~ Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ~~~~ Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. ~~~~ Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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