: )

[Guest guest]

As is our habit - from time to time we like to lighten up the list

by including some humour ........ This came on the internet

: )

 

Viv Centre

 

The following quotes were taken from actual medical records

as dictated by physicians.

 

*By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had

stopped, and he was feeling better.

 

*Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side

for over a year.

 

*On the second day the knee was better and on the third

day it had completely disappeared.

 

*The patient has been depressed ever since she began

seeing me in 1983.

 

*The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She

also appears to be depressed.

 

*Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

 

*Healthy-appearing decrepit sixty-nine-year-old male,

mentally alert but forgetful.

 

*The patient refused an autopsy.

 

*The patient has no past history of suicides.

 

*The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

 

*Patient has left his white blood cells at another

hospital.

 

*The patient's past medical history has been remarkably

insignificant, with only a forty-pound weight gain in the

past three days.

 

*She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in

separate directions in early December.

 

*Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this

lady pregnant.

 

*The patient was in his usual state of good health

until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

 

*She is numb from her toes down.

 

*The skin was moist and dry.

 

*Patient was alert and unresponsive.

 

*When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.